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Some weeks ago, the whole Cosmo staff broke out in a flurry of conversation over an email that was sent to me by a friend based in New York. It was about a book written for single women that challenged everything we’d like to believe about love and marriage. We gathered along the aisle to discuss Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb. The author is 40, beautiful, accomplished—and single. In her book, she encourages women everywhere to “stop chasing the elusive Prince Charming, and instead go for Mr. Good Enough,” so as not to end up with the same fate she did. Naturally, that got us all talking about our expectations and deal breakers, and whether or not they could be considered reasonable.

In an interview with The New York Times, Gottlieb defends her argument with refreshing candor. “We are taught as young women in this culture that compromise is a bad word,” she says. “We tell each other: 'You go, girl. You get the best. You deserve the best.' It's not so much narcissism as a false cultural perception of our worth. We want the ten, because we think we're a ten. But, we're missing the fact that we're not. Nobody is. Men have flaws, but we have flaws, too.” Let’s face it. Sometimes, our girlfriends tell us what we want to hear because we’re built like that. We love our own, so much so that we look past (or refuse to see) faults that are obviously there.

I’d like to think that it’s not about settling, but finding someone who complements us instead: someone whose strengths are your weaknesses, someone you can be with for long periods of time without getting annoyed or bored. Someone who accepts you, flaws and all. Forget that he has a unibrow, a bothersome mole, or that he’s just about the same height as you are. You have your own shortcomings, too. It’s all about looking past the little things that keep you from seeing what really counts.

In last month's travel feature in Cosmo, we agreed on cutting boyfriends some slack and coming up with date ideas that they’d enjoy. No more chick flicks, girly nights out, or shopping trips. We made it all about the men who’d willingly put up with so much just to see the women in their lives happy. If you find that you’re not having as much fun as you’d like, just think of the many times he carried your shopping bags while you spent hours looking for the perfect pair of flats, or the time he watched episode after episode of Boys Over Flowers with you. Show him your appreciation, because as fabulous as you may be, your guy still needs to be commended for being your patient, caring, and loving other half.

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