Now that I am in my 30s, I can say without doubt or discomfiture that I am sexy--and not necessarily because of my cup size, the length of my skirt, or the way I wear my hair.

For the longest time, I always wondered what constitutes being "sexy." In my teens, I would wear tight-fitting, skin-baring tank tops, keep my hair long and straight, force myself into jeans one size too small, and cheat with a bra that was one cup size too big. Despite all this, I still looked like a 17-year-old who was trying too hard.

My guy friends would point out a girl and comment on how sexy she was, even if she was just wearing the hackneyed jeans-and-pique-shirt college uniform, even if her hair was unkempt, and even if her body was more chunky than curvy. I would demand to know why, and they'd all say, "She just is."

I started to figure it out when I worked in the fashion industry and met women and models who ooze sex appeal even without showing cleavage or wearing cantilevered footwear. What they all had in common was an attitude that hinted at uncontrived actions, effortless style, and that certain rakish je ne sais quois that Parisian girls have. They each had their own signature feature--be it great legs, amazing hair, a tiny waist, or wasp-bitten lips--and they knew how to make it work to their advantage. From them, I learned that sexy is knowing your body, accepting it, and making it work for you.

Photographers would always say that they'd rather shoot an average-looking girl who has a glint in her eye and knows how to work her body rather than a girl with a pretty face and wooden movements. A sexy woman moves as if she's always walking in heels, even if she's wearing sneakers; she has a certain languid grace as if she were waltzing out of bed.

Take Pauline Prieto, for example. She's one of the hottest models in the industry today. She's not that tall, nor does she have the whistle-bait figure of a pin-up girl. When we shot her for "Cosmo's 8 Sexiest" shoot, she arrived wearing an oversized tank top, cut-off shorts, and brogues. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun and her face was devoid of makeup. But, we all noticed her when she came in, a waifish figure with a lopsided grin and a slight bucktooth--features that could have been construed as flaws, but which she easily camouflages with the fiercest stare that said "Take me or leave me; I'm shot regardless."

Pauline is only 19, yet it seems she already knows that "sexy" comes with a carefree attitude and, as she mentions in her interview, "being comfortable in your own skin." The other seven girls we feature in "Cosmo's 8 Sexiest" pretty much said the same thing: Sexy equals smarts plus confidence, and a bit of a rebellious streak.

Think of all the women who have achieved sex symbol status throughout history: girls like Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, Kate Moss, and Angelina Jolie. West had mannish features and thick hips, but was considered desirable because of her outrageous wit and go-getter attitude (she made her first film at 38 and was a box-office success at 39). Monroe complemented her hourglass figure and bedroom smolder with clever commentaries. As for Moss and Jolie, they do damn well as they please and are still considered strong, alluring femme fatales who are featured on magazine covers, ad campaigns, and, in the case of Moss, life-sized sculptures in gold.

When I turned 30 last year, I stopped trying to be someone I wasn't: taller, skinnier, bustier, curvier, more glamorous, more hip, or more sophisticated. I still won't trade my heels for rubber-soled trainers, I still wear red lipstick once in a while, and I still engage in physical activity when I can. But now, I don't starve myself just to fit into a size two. I used to avoid eating doughnuts so I wouldn’t look like a gluttonous slob. Now I eat as I please.

I am now more vocal about my beliefs, and I grew my hair back (the whole sophisticated, short-haired look was not working for me). It took me a while, but I finally realized that the less I cared about what other people thought of me, the more confident I became in both speech and action. And confidence is always the best form of attraction.

My boyfriend says that one of the sexiest things about me is how I made the first move with him (but that's another story). Instead of being embarrassed of the fact that, for the first time in my life, I didn't wait for a guy to call, I tell him that making the first move is indeed hot. I am sexy--and I know it.

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