Happy anniversary to the hubby and me! It's only been a year since we got married, but my, my, time really flies when you're having fun. It sounds cliched, but the past year has definitely been a lot of fun. I admit, every single day with him ain't no walk in the park (and vice versa for him, I'm sure!), but if I look at the bigger picture, all the memories of the past year (and the seven years before that of being mag-bf-gf) make me smile.

I still get a kick out of looking through our wedding photos, and watching our videos over and over again. I still have the gifts and wedding cards from all our friends and loved ones, plus the vows we'd handwritten for and said to each other—reading them makes me feel the kilig and utter joy of that day all over again.

But, I do remember a moment of doubt just before we tied the knot. Somebody asked me, "How do you know the man you're going to marry is the right one?" I couldn't give her a straight answer. I think I was shocked at the fact that I couldn't think of an answer, more than anything else. Was it really supposed to be like that? Don't the movies and all those chick lit books tell us that once you meet The One, you'll know, and you won't ever let go? And yet, there I was, at a loss for words a few short weeks away from getting hitched. After a few seconds (or was it a lifetime?) of not answering, I simply replied, "I don't."

And that's the whole truth, really. It would be nice to think of signs and fate and destiny and all that. But, reality bites, and it doesn't always happen that way. It's not that I'm jaded already when it comes to true love; I've just learned enough from past relationships to know that the world isn't the same as that picture we see through our rose-colored glasses.

Spoken like a true cynic, you might be thinking. But, hear me out. Before I met Ryan (that's the husband's name), I was all romantic and dreamy-eyed, expecting a man to come into my life and sweep me off my feet. I believed in The One, I believed wholeheartedly in destiny, and I kept my eyes peeled for this man. In my head, I knew how he looked: tall, dark, handsome, and maybe a little mysterious. A bit Christian Bale-ish, preferably. I knew in my heart that The One had been born into this world for the sole purpose of making me the happiest woman on the planet.

After getting into weird relationships with some almost-there-but-not-quite kind of guys, I realized that this sort of thinking was keeping me from being truly happy in my relationships. I would go into one, expecting a dashing Prince Charming to bestow me with flowers and chocolates, giggly moments and holding hands, love letters and erotic poems. And when those never came, I'd fall apart. Sometimes they did, but the relationship itself would never bloom like I had imagined it would.

At the time that I met Ryan, I had stripped myself bare of all these romantic notions of love. I saw him like any other person would. He definitely didn't look at all like The One I had pictured in my head. He was just a little taller than I am, quite on the fair side, and wore geeky glasses. More Daniel Radcliffe than Christian Bale, except that he was a little older. Well, much older. I was used to hanging out with older guys, but just up to a year or two. Ryan is six years older.  Not much when compared to other couples I know, but way older than I had imagined for myself. But he loved books as much as I did, had a soft spot in his heart for animals (especially cats), laughed so loudly and so heartily, and didn't care if people stared.

Ryan did not have even one of the requirements I had listed for The One (well, except for impressive intellect, because he's one of the most intelligent men I've ever known). But, I fell for him just the same. He wasn't what I had been looking for, but what the heck? I threw caution to the wind and loved him with all my heart.

Now that I think about it, out of the billions of people on this earth, how can there be only one? The thought now strikes me as absurd. After meeting Ryan, one thing's for sure: We picked each other out of all the could-bes in the world, and chose to love each other and not anyone else. That makes our love all the more special. Not destiny, not fate. (Come to think of it, some of those movies may be right after all, when they say, "It's not destiny that shapes your life, but what you make of it.")

So, will there ever be a definite answer to the question, "How are you sure you're marrying the right one?" There will be some things to consider, of course, before jumping into marriage, or even just a relationship—his past, his background, your needs, and your chemistry together (read our story "How Not To Marry The Wrong Guy" in the Love & Lust section of our April 2011 issue to know more about this)--but in the end, it's up to you to quell those doubts, those what-ifs. The most important question to ask yourself is, do you love him or not? And that really is all you need to know.

Related Articles

• Are You Itching To Get Hitched?
• Getting Hitched: "To Do" Or "To Ditch"? Part 1
• Getting Hitched: "To Do" Or "To Ditch"? Part 2
• Bedroom Blog: Modern Women Want Different Things
• One For The Road

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