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18 Signs You're Going To Die Alone

Stop being so dramatic.
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1. That hot stranger decided not to sit next to you on the bus. 
Is it because you're so hot they were intimated by you? Was it because you're a monster? Was it because there was an open seat much closer? It's the last one, calm down.

2. You're spending a Friday night by yourself watching reruns on TV.
Meanwhile, everyone out on a terrible date is thinking, I wish I was at home in my pajamas with a pizza and a season's worth of Friends.

3. You just drunk texted all your exes, and no one has responded for half an hour and you're just kind of spinning around in your computer chair as you spin deeper and deeper into an existential crisis. 
Sleep it off.

4. This song just totally gets you right now. 
That song is "All About That Bass" and it has nothing to do with your ex. Just pull over and cry it out. It's going to be OK. Not right now, because you're sitting on the side of the highway crying over a song about butts, but in time.

5. It's the holidays and everyone on the street is holding hands. 
A year from now, you will be holding hands and ice skating with the love of your life as you think, I didn't even know it was possible for my ankles to cramp and I hate this.

6. When you see your ex is in a new relationship on Facebook. 
Why are you still friends with your ex?

7. When you go to a bar and no one is talking to you. 
It's a bar. If people are talking to you, that means they can't be using their mouths to drink alcohol.

8. When the sun is setting and there's a bit of a breeze and you feel alone but content and you decide to stop looking for The One. 
This moment probably feels really profound right now, but that's just because you're overtired and hand an extra glass of wine at dinner. You will forget about this by lunchtime next Wednesday.

9. You made a Tinder profile and only three weirdos messaged you today. 
That's better than no weirdos. Look at the glass half-full. Half-full of potential, awkward dates with dudes who proudly display anime wall scrolls in their room, or women who are really, really, into knitting sweaters for their cats.

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10. The hot barista who usually flirts with you didn't today. 
Probably because you're ugly...or because he has 300 latte orders all with weirdly spelled names and he doesn't even know you like him. Or that.

11. It's like time is moving so quickly and you're almost 30. 
Guess what? Time moves the same for everyone. Even the person you might end up spending your life with.

12. You're sick and do you have anyone to take care of you? No. 
What if this is what it's like when you're in a nursing home?! Reasonable, but also that's like 50 years from now. You're bound to meet someone you at least sort of like in that time period.

13. Everyone in this restaurant is on a date except you. 
Many of those dates are going horribly, I assure you. Breathe.

14. Couples photos are really lame but also it feels like you'll never have a couples photo.
Do you really want a couples photo? Really?

15. All these commercials are about people in relationships and you want to have a commercial kind of love! 
What? Where you buy an oven together? If that's your only romantic dream, I'm sure you'll find it.

16. Your roommate keeps talking about her awesome relationship. 
People around you in awesome relationships should give you more hope that you can have one too. Think of it that way.

17. Your mom asks you if you're seeing anyone and you know she knows how you'll answer. 
Your mom probably believes you will find someone; she just hopes it happens soon because it would make you happy. She does not think you're destined for singles bingo.

18. Everyone on Tinder just wants sex but no one wants anything real
True! So go meet actual people who don't exist on an app.


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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.