So... You've Been Replaced

Going through a breakup? You may be able to relate to our blogger's own painful journey toward moving on...successfully.
by Cereb Gregorio
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Moving on is always easier said than done. After the first and most debilitating breakup I went through, I remember asking one of my friends why it's so hard to just cut loose and get over someone. "When you're in a relationship, you invest a certain amount of yourself in the other person. Let's say you initially give him 50% of yourself. The longer you're together, the more that figure grows. If you end up investing 70% of yourself in him, and he breaks up with you, then you'll have to find a way to get that 70% back without him," she said. It makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

Regaining the part of yourself that you've wholeheartedly given to someone else is already difficult, but the fact that you've been changed by the whole experience of falling in love makes it even trickier. What new, hybrid personality of yours will fill the void left by the part of you that you've given up to an ex?
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Throughout the time I spent getting over an ex, I've noticed many different sides of me come through--sides that I never even knew existed. Perhaps the biggest surprise that caught me off-guard is the fact that I can hate someone I've never even met. I've always been easygoing and I'm proud of how well I can relate with other people, but I hated the new girlfriend. The way she dressed, her dumb, valley girl-sounding accent, how hard she tried to befriend our common friends, all made it easy for me to nitpick and be angry.

And, it was anger of the most volatile kind. I found myself bad-mouthing her to close friends, laughing at her little failures that I'd hear about, and criticizing body parts I knew I had the upper hand in (like how she had small boobs and eyelids that covered half her face). Although it didn't last long, I know my actions were immature. It still makes me feel bad when I think about it, but I can honestly say that it has truly helped me move on.

Now, everything's back to normal. My ex broke up with the girl I hated and has been in a relationship with a new girl (whom I don't hate) for the past two years. The feeling of being slighted has long been gone, and I probably have to thank the girl who came after me for it. Hating her helped me come to terms with the fact that my ex has already moved on, and I have to do so as well. On top of that, I lost a lot of weight in an attempt to prove that I can be better than her, which did help a lot in the long run.

I don't mean to justify my actions, but I'd like to think that it's normal (and, at some point, okay) to not like the new girlfriend. It's normal to feel betrayed, jealous, hurt, angry, or all of the above because of her, even if you don't know what kind of person she is, because it is but one pit stop on the road to recovery. Unless the new girl did something unforgivable (like steal him away from you), then the anger will subside.

You'll know you're better once that moment of resignation hits you, and you can be genuinely happy for the person you once loved--even if he found his happiness with someone else. When it happens, you'll realize that your new, hybrid personality is a stronger version of the old you that's better and more mature--equipped to handle heartbreak.

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