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What do dreams mean?

Back in college, my Sociology professor explained to us the sociological meaning of dreams. She said that everything perceived by our senses are kept inside our Memory Bank. Think of the Memory Bank as a cylinder, a tall clear glass, and everything that is perceived are like droplets of water—formless, detached, unique—that get mixed once caught inside the glass. The droplets of water that overflow are the ones that become dreams. "That's why some dreams feel real and familiar," my professor explained. "It's because the senses have perceived most of the things in your dreams already."

I used to be so fascinated with the idea of dreams way before the movie Inception boggled everyone's minds. There was a time when I would Google what a certain dream meant. I was always amazed by how the brain works.

Back then, before going to sleep, I would lie in bed and obsess about past events wherein I could have acted differently. Most nights, I thought about my first meeting with Matt on that rainy Friday night in Greenbelt 3. Whenever I relive that certain past in my sleep, I often see myself not waiting for him for two hours, not having that wild goose chase with him in the South, not literally falling in love with him after having stale coffee at McDonald's, and definitely not wallowing over him the way I did for years. Whenever I relive that time in my head, I was the stronger one, the confident one, the person who had more power. It took me so many years to kick the habit.

I don't do this anymore. I don't look forward to lying in bed and reliving the past differently because the waking life is much more colorful now that I have Logan in my life. That is, until I had that dream. It doesn't take a psychiatrist to tell me what the dream probably meant. Adrian Grenier was the former version of Logan with his curly, messy hair. The second guy, the clean-shaven guy who wore boxers to sleep, was the tidied up version of my successful corporate boyfriend.

Obviously, the girl on the photo album was the old version of me—the younger, crazier, and head over heels in love girl I used to be. Like Alice, I have lost my "much-ness."

Even in my dreams, I felt like cheating. Because in reality, I was starting to fall out of love.

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