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During the drive to the hospital, my dad told me that my mom had been experiencing abnormal menstrual bleeding. Maybe that would explain why my mom passed out at the mall. She was rushed to the hospital and needed to undergo a dilatation and curettage operation (D&C), which was a minor operation. They decided to spend the night there.

When I asked my dad why they didn't tell me about it as it was happening yesterday, what he said broke my heart: "You were on a date." He went on to add, "We didn't want to worry you because it's not a major operation. Kilala ka namin; mabilis kang mag-panic, kaya 'di muna namin sinabi sa 'yo."

I cried all the way to the hospital because I felt so guilty. The D&C operation was successful and surprisingly quick. However, they found that my mom also had a myoma in her uterus that was, thank God, benign. My parents quickly decided that Mom should go through an operation to get rid of the myoma altogether. We stayed there the whole night to give my mom the moral support she needed for the TAHBSO (Total Abdominal Hysterectomy-Bilateral Salpingo-Oophorectomy) operation that would take place the next afternoon. I spent the night at the hospital with my parents and aunt. I told Archer what happened via SMS. He replied once, wishing me luck on my mom's operation the next day, and then nothing more.

The following day, we needed blood donors. My dad wasn't able to donate blood because he was also under medication for blood pressure. I was so frustrated when I found out that I couldn't give blood to my own mother because I had anemia at the time. I would never forget how my cousins and friends (including Chi, Franco, Kit, and Charlie) came over and donated blood. I sent Archer a text message hoping he, too, could donate blood, but I didn't hear from him.

The TAHBSO operation took a little over an hour, and I spent the entire time praying to God and blaming myself for being the worst kind of daughter any mother could have. I was chugging beer after beer while my Mom was suffering from abnormal menstrual bleeding; I was Googling hospitals in Cavite while my Mom was confined; and I was so caught up in my own personal drama that my parents decided not to tell me anything beforehand because they knew I would panic and probably cause more stress.

Right there at the hospital chapel, I came undone and realized what a spiraling mess of a life I had been leading. It had been a long time since I last talked to God that much but I prayed with every fiber of my being for Him to make my mom's operation successful, and then I promised to fix my life.

Thank God, the operation was a huge success. When they transferred my mom to the recovery room, I was the one who was rushing from one floor to another, from our private room to the pharmacy and back, to see how my mom was doing because I was scared to let her out of my sight. When I saw the hospital gown, the dextrose, her damp hair, slightly pale complexion, chapped lips, and all the cables and wires and machines, I was once again consumed with guilt, but warmed by the unconditional love that only a mother can give. Whenever I look back on that day at the recovery room, my conviction is strengthened that it was one of the biggest turning points in my life.

I was on the second floor of the hospital, somewhere between the pharmacy and the recovery room, when an unfamiliar number called. It was Archer. It would have been such a wonderful relief for me to know that he was on his way to the hospital to give me moral support because I really needed it. Instead, the first lines I heard from him were that he won another tournament and that Joana called to explain that she didn't really try to kill herself and that she was okay. Archer changed his mobile number because Joana wouldn't stop calling. The son of a bitch didn't even ask how my mother was doing.

Something snapped.

I heard my own voice shouting--screaming, to be exact--about having such a stupid, good-for-nothing, asshole of a boyfriend. "You should have been here!" I heard myself scream over and over. Sam would have been here if he wasn't in the US, I thought. Right there in the hallway, I broke down and felt the floor give away. The last thing I saw before the world turned black was Sam in a white lab gown, running toward me to break my fall.

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