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"F*CK!" Charlie exploded over the phone. "Hinayaan ni Lily na gawin ng boyfriend niya sa kanya 'yon? Major gaga ha!"

I was home when I called Charlie with news about our college classmate Lily, who resurfaced into our lives amidst a legendary and terrible breakup mess that was Dev. Charlie was still in Mindanao that time and she was itching to hop into the next plane back to Manila so she can shoot Dev in the face.

"How is Lily holding up?" Charlie asked when she calmed down.

"She's okay naman," I answered. "Shaken, but okay. She went to Antipolo for a retreat and banned Facebook."

"Shit, I should have been there in Manila," Charlie groaned. "Sana we tracked down Dev like we did with Ana. Speaking of which, how about you? How are things?"

"Same old, same old."

"Showbiz pa rin?"

"Can anyone say deja vu?"

That night, after talking to Charlie, I sat down to write about the things that happened in the months before Lily resurfaced into my life.

Since Franco, Chi, and Jai left the agency, I felt more and more alone in the office. Truth was, I tried to see Sam in other people, without even being aware that I was doing it. That was how I came to befriend one of the new artists in our department: Kyle, the lanky, quiet, and semi-emo guy who slouched when he walked. At first, we shared creative ideas for the accounts we were both handling. It was so easy to talk to him. He felt safe. Like Sam. I felt like I could trust him with my deepest, darkest secrets. Soon, we were talking about the past--his past, a past that somehow echoed several fragments of my own: Kyle recently broke up with his girlfriend of seven years. The reason? He found out that she was a lesbian. Yes. Just like Sam's Ana.

I felt like lightning struck me twice. Over na 'to ha, I thought.

"She was your best friend back in college, right?" I asked. "Did you know that she was, er, a lesbian even then?"

Kyle and I were at the spacious office pantry having cup noodles and siomai for merienda.

"No," he answered quietly. "I mean, she wasn't a lesbian back in college. Not yet."

"So when did she...?"

"I don't know," he said. "I was afraid to ask."

Later that evening, I chanced upon Franco in Yahoo! Messenger. I told him about the new artist.

Franco: Wow, durog na durog 'yung pagkalalaki nun! At least 'yung kay Sam, dati pang tibo si Ana. Pero 'yung kay Kyle, ibig sabihin na-tibo 'yung girlfriend niya habang sila. Baka hindi nasarapan 'yung babae! Hahaha!

Veronica: Sira ka talaga!

Franco: Wait nga lang, bakit ba lahat ng nagiging ka-close mo na guys, except ako siyempre, may connection sa mga tibo?

Veronica: Ewan ko nga e. Weird 'no?

Franco: Tibo ka rin, 'no? Hahaha!

Veronica: Tange, lalaki ako! Haha!

And so Kyle and I began to hang out more often. Since I'm one of those girls who don't bring baon to work, Kyle and I often ate at the SM Megamall Food Court and sometimes at McDonald's for merienda. Of course, this didn't go unnoticed by the shallow, stupid, and assuming sales department in the agency. Soon, we were the talk of the entire office; gossip flew left and right, perpetuated by Fiona, the 30-something sales girl with a striking resemblance to Fiona (ogre-version) of the highly successful Shrek franchise (no kidding!), and by Jack, the pint-sized self-proclaimed "bitch daw siya, so pagbigyan n'yo na" from the same department.

Suddenly, it was deja vu. This has happened before, I thought. With Sam! In my first ad agency in Makati.

Fiona and Jack told everyone that I was clingy, highly liberated, and "mahilig sa lalaki," even going as far as telling everyone that I used to "live with" a guy who wasn't my boyfriend. This happened at a time in my life when I still cared what people thought about me. When Sam's name was dragged into the gossip thread, I flared up big time, so I rallied both of them at the office during work hours. The gossip didn't stop but they were pretty surprised  by my reaction.

That was the day Fiona and Jack made it to the list of the people I've set up to destroy. They stopped talking to me, which was good. But so did Kyle. When he started to ignore me, I talked to him via Yahoo! Messenger.

V: Don't tell me you're affected by all that nonsense?

Kyle: Ayoko lang ng tsismis kaya tumahimik na rin ako.

V: Iniiwasan mo ako e.

Kyle: Para wala na silang gawan ng tsismis. Ayoko ng gulo.

V: What? You mean you're avoiding me so that people won't talk about us?

Kyle: Yes...

V: I don't get it Kyle. There's nothing between us, so bakit mo ako iiwasan? If you do that, it makes you look guilty.

Kyle: ...

V: Look, I've been through this before. Remember the story about my late best friend Sam? We were gossiped about, too. All we have to do is ignore them. There's nothing going on between us, right? So there's nothing to be uncomfortable about. We are friends, aren't we?

Kyle: Well, yeah...

V: So dapat hindi tayo maaapektuhan! You knew naman from the very start that I don't fall for friends. That's my hard and fast rule.

Kyle: I know that...

V: We just have to promise that we won't get affected by anything they say. Promise me that.

Kyle: I can't promise that, Veronica. Sorry...

V: Huh? E bakit naman?

Kyle: I just can't.

That was the last time I talked to Kyle. Later on, I learned from another officemate that Kyle had been courting me—all those lunches out and long talks and the many hot fudge sundaes he bought for me were all "courtship" for him. When he realized that no amount of food could make me violate Article 1 in my Dating Code, he began to distance himself from me while the ogre and the Hobbit started the nasty rumors that affected him so much.

"He goes with you everywhere," Franco said as he paid for his mocha frappe and winked at the barista at the same time. "That's a dead giveaway."

"You didn't fall for Sam all those years ago," Chi started as we sat in our usual spot in Starbucks Podium. "That Kyle should have known better. But if you think about it, hindi ka naman kasi simpleng babae lang so whenever a guy treats you in a special way, malamang nililigawan ka na nun."

"May pagka-dense ka kasi minsan," Franco added.

"And it's so unfair for you to expect Kyle to handle gossip like Sam did," Chi said. "Sam is like your Mighty Duck. Kyle is, well..."

"Lame duck." I said.

"Couldn't have said it better," Chi replied. "Besides, you really don't belong there, Veronica. I just know that you're meant for bigger things. Join me na kasi sa Summit. Pang-Cosmo ka e."

The three of us met that one Friday after the whole Kyle episode. It felt so great to be able to talk to friends with the same wavelength. Somehow, I felt that Chi was right. I was starting to feel that I didn't belong in the agency anymore. Aside from the fact that all my closest friends left already, I started to wince at the culture in the office: gossip here, gossip there, gossip everywhere. It was like they feed on gossip to stay alive much like vampires feed on human blood to survive.

But I was stubborn and I wanted to prove that I can land a promotion on pure talent alone. So I stayed and made myself immune to the backstabbing. I decided to avoid Kyle. I couldn't hang out with someone whom I know wants us to be more than what we already are. When a friend falls for me, I have no choice but to break his heart.

When I got home that night, I asked Chi, "Do you think I'll ever find another Sam?"

"Yes," she answered. "Only when you stop looking for him in other people."

That night, I realized that I was still broken. So I made necessary steps to make myself better.

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