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I continued to work with Matt for an entire week. We edited the script he wrote through e-mail because I refused—with all my might—to converse with him through chat. I didn't want to fall into an old pattern. It took me years to get him out of my system. So when a chat invitation popped up on my browser, followed by a request to be added to my contacts list, I quickly ignored it and then I blocked him.

Mercifully, he didn't ask me why. We worked through e-mail as two professionals in the same industry, while I managed to keep myself from asking the many questions I had wanted to ask since he broke my heart and my ego years ago.

Matt and I met again in the office to finalize the deliverables before turning them over to the client. I had the unfortunate task of presenting and defending Matt's work to the team and the client. We were both praised for the good job. In fact, his work exceeded our expectations, so much so that my boss offered him a position as a junior copywriter right after our meeting.

"You see, sobrang taas ng standards nitong si Veronica when it comes to copywriters," my boss said. "Wala pang pumapasa sa kanya but you seem to work together just fine. What do you think, Veronica?"

I didn't answer. I just smiled before leaving the room carrying my things.

That afternoon, I smoked two cigarettes with the IT guys. In my head, I began to draft my resignation letter and made a plan to submit it the moment Matt accepted the job.

I missed another dinner with Logan that Friday but didn't wake up to any text message from him the following morning. Instead, I woke up to a vibrating phone with an irritated Lily on the other end of the line.

"Okay, so what is wrong?" Lily asked matter-of-factly.

"What...?" I asked barely awake.

"You know what I mean," she replied, and from the tone of her voice, it seemed that she wouldn't hesitate to yell at me if I said that I didn't know what she was talking about.

"Okay, okay," I said sitting up. "Matt happened."

"What do you mean Matt happened?"

"He showed up in my office last week," I explained. "For a freelance project."

"So?" Lily asked.

"So," I continued. "We talked."

"About what he did to you? Did he finally apologize?"

"Not really..."

"So what did you talk about, for heaven's sake?!"

"Er, work?" I replied quietly, knowing how pathetic I must have sounded to her.

"Ronnie, ano ka ba! Matt is so three years ago!" Lily snapped. "What is wrong with you?"

"Did Logan ask you to ask me what's wrong?" I asked, steering her in the opposite direction.

"Technically, yes," Lily answered. "He told me you missed a couple of dinner dates last week and didn't offer any explanation. Like you just decided to disappear or something. So he asked me to check if you were still alive."

"Lily, it wasn't really a dinner date..."

"Logan had reservations at two restaurants, for goodness' sake!"

"Oh." That was all I could say. After that, my guilt killed me.

Later that Saturday afternoon, it was Chi's turn to interrogate me through Y!IM. By then, I knew what she was talking about.

Chi: Okay, so what's wrong?
V: Okay, so how did you know?
Chi: Logan's friends told me he hasn't been missing during dinner time. So what's wrong, V?
V: Matt happened.
Chi: OMG! Wait. What happened, exactly?
V: Nothing happened. We worked together for a big project in the agency. He worked under me. Figuratively speaking, okay? Been offered a job as a junior copywriter.
Chi: So?
V: So? It's Matt, Chi! My addiction since 2006?
Chi: Matt is so 2006, remember? Akala ko ba history na siya?
V: Er...history repeats itself?
Chi: Come on, V. Just because Matt resurfaced at the office doesn't mean you should just drop your present like a hot rock. Well, Logan is a hot rock, if you think about it. You know what I mean. Come on, you finally met a nice guy. What's wrong with you?

And then Franco, sometime around dinner time, popped up:

Franco: So, what's this I heard about Matt?
V: I don't know, Franco! Please kill me na!
F: Seriously, can I do that? Dude, what's wrong with you? You should have punched the guy in the face when you saw him. (Expletives deleted) After what he's done to you!
V: E 'di ba gan'on din ginagawa mo sa mga dates mo?
F: Akala ko ba friend kita?
V: Okay, okay, I'm biased. You're different. It's just that...it's Matt, Franco. You know my story.
F: Yeah, I know. It took you three years to shut up so bakit mo pa binabalikan?
V: A girl needs closure.
F: Kaya nga e, i-close mo na kung ano man 'yan. Veronica, minsan ko lang sasabihin 'to, okay? Pero itong si Logan, mabait na tayo 'yan. At 'yang si Matt, just accept that he's a part of your past and leave him there. Once in a while, your paths might cross. It's inevitable, unless you kill him.
V: Seriously, can I do that?
F: You can't be like this every time you see him.

And just before I went to sleep, Charlie called me.

"What the f*ck is wrong with you?" Charlie asked over the phone. She didn't give me a chance to answer, really. She told me over and over that I was making a bigger fool out of myself and threatened that if I ever let go of Logan, she would go after him and then shoot me.

What the hell is wrong with me? I thought.

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