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I had walked straight into a trap and I hated myself for not having the guts to walk away. But, if you've ever experienced something as crazy as this, you'd agree that it really takes the willpower of a demigod just to stay away. I told myself that I was just confronting my issues head-on instead of ignoring it, because it surely won't go away that easily.

Or was I making excuses for myself again?

I still have issues and no one can help me but myself.

You see, sometimes, whenever I wait for Logan at this coffee shop in The Venice Piazza, I sometimes wonder what would happen if Matt suddenly walked inside. I would say, "Hey, Matt!" just like old times. What would he say? What would I say? Where would I begin? There were so many things I still wanted to say to his face. What if I never told him how I felt? What if I had been content with whatever we had and didn't follow through on something that was vague in the first place? Would he still be my confidante?

What if Matt walked into the coffee shop, sat in front of me, and joined me for coffee like he used to years ago? Would he still be the same easy-going, slightly depressed guy I thought I knew so well? Would we still be playing the on-and-off flirting game? Could I handle it better now that I've changed? What if we had just remained friends?

And that's just the first batch of what ifs in my life right now.

To be continued...

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