BEDROOM BLOG BY VERONICA
Sam's Final October
Posted on June 16, 2010 12:00 am by
Veronica

I never knew how I made it to the church in Green Meadows that day, but I remember staring at the droplets of rain on the car window as my parents drove me there. My parents knew how much Sam meant to me, and during the silent ride to the church, I found comfort.
I remember seeing Franco, Charlie, and Chi waiting by the church's big doors. I remember feeling Franco's hand under my elbow, supporting me as we made our way to where Kit, Carl, and Nino were seated.
I remember the huge dome that shielded us from the October rain. I remember seeing unfamiliar faces as they passed by me, silently talking about the man I knew so well. I remember the white flowers by the altar, the distinct smell of incense, the soft lights, the sound of footsteps, and the huge portrait of someone that was very dear to me.
I remember the urn.
I remember everything.
I remember seeing Ellen for the first time. I remember how her soft voice cracked the first time she talked to me. I also remember being silent and hearing Chi tell Ellen that I was in a state of shock. I remember how my friends tried to talk me out of my reverie. And I remember how, one by one, they decided to leave me alone when it was obvious that I didn't want to talk.
That was the first day.
It was a three-day wake and I didn't miss a single one.
On the third and final night, I saw a familiar face--a face I had seen so many times. Ana. She was seated beside her fellow teachers somewhere in the fifth pew. Our eyes locked for a while and I was stunned to see that the same grief was reflected in her eyes. She looked like the same Ana I knew, but somehow, it felt different. When my friends left my side to get some coffee, Ana sat beside me for a while.
"Veronica," she started.
"Ana."
"I'm really sorry..."
"Siya ba 'yung pinalit mo kay Sam?" I asked, cocking my head in the direction of the guy she was with.
"Excuse me?" Ana asked, clearly taken aback.
"Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!" I hissed.
"Wait lang," Ana said hurriedly, cutting me off mid-sentence. "What are you talking about?"
"You cheated on Sam again, didn't you?"
"What?!" Ana asked loudly and everyone looked in our direction for a few seconds before going back to their own quieter conversations.
"Don't you dare lie!" I threatened.
"Is that what Sam told you?" Ana asked silently, her voice trailing off. After a while she continued, "It was Sam who broke up with me, almost four months after he went to America. He told me he found someone else and I actually thought it was you until..."
"Until what?"
"Until I read Ellen's e-mail two days ago," Ana continued. "That was when I understood why he let Nino go, why he sold the restaurant, and why he went to the States and...and why he chose not to let us know, especially you."
And that was how the pieces came together—Sam's trip, his request that I should not go after Ana, where he was when I was so depressed over Matt, and why he told me to take care of my heart.
That was when I realized that Sam was saying goodbye.
I remember feeling Ana's surprisingly warm embrace. I remember feeling lightheaded, scared, angry, terrified, and weak all at the same time. I remember coming undone.
I remember hearing short anecdotes about Sam's childhood from his family and friends. I remember Kit and Carl telling the story of how Sam saved me from drowning that time in Dagupan. I remember Nino sharing the story of how they re-painted my room two days before I went to live with Sam. I remember seeing every head turn to look at me that moment.
And when it was my turn to say a few words about the friend I had lost so many times, I remember telling them about three-cheese omelets, brewed coffee, Revel bars, red wine, a partly burnt bed sheet, beef stroganoff, and French Fries with ice cream and chocolate syrup.
I remember seeing the quizzical looks from almost everyone in the church, but I went on. These were the things that only the two of us could understand, I thought.
When I looked at what was left of the friend I had loved so dearly, I remember hearing myself saying these words:
"I want you to remember me, Sam. Because if you do, I don't care if everybody else forgets."
But I was the one left to remember.
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63 Comments
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63. sooooooooooooooooooooo sad...
November 05, 2011 at 10:51 am report abuse -
62. huhuhu.... i cried...
March 07, 2011 at 01:10 am report abuse -
61. OMG! he's an angel.. literally..
September 16, 2010 at 05:08 pm report abuse -
60. OMG! i'm really crying while reading this post..:(
July 22, 2010 at 06:54 pm report abuse -
59. omg. so that's why. :(
June 26, 2010 at 10:19 pm report abuse -
58. bkit naman si sam pa... sbrang lungkot.. :'(
June 26, 2010 at 07:31 am report abuse -
57. gosh V, naiyak tlga ko..this was so sad=(
June 19, 2010 at 09:37 am report abuse -
56. i'm rendered speechless by this post.. ang sakit lang ng nangyari.. sigh:(
June 18, 2010 at 01:14 pm report abuse -
55. nakakashock naman,ambait pa man din nung tao...we will miss sam...
June 18, 2010 at 01:42 am report abuse -
54. babalik pa si sam diba? ba't siya namatay? :(
June 17, 2010 at 11:42 pm report abuse -
53. i cried with this story..its just so sad:(
June 17, 2010 at 10:32 pm report abuse -
52. i've been an avid reader of your blog ms. v but this is the first time that i registered. I just needed to post my thoughts. It's really sad that you lost sam. I was rooting for you and him. This blog made me really sad. Life is too short. :(
June 17, 2010 at 08:35 pm report abuse -
51. this is soo sad..='(
June 17, 2010 at 08:17 pm report abuse -
50. wake up from this bad dream V.
June 17, 2010 at 06:06 pm report abuse -
49. "Everybody hurts, everybody cries...so, hold on...everybody hurts. You are not alone."
June 17, 2010 at 03:42 pm report abuse -
48. i have long been a reader of cosmo.ph, but this is the only time i registered.. and that's mainly because i really wanted to comment. this is yet another dream, right ms.veronica? please say it is so. :(
June 17, 2010 at 12:16 pm report abuse -
47. goodbye sam. :( this is just so sad.
June 17, 2010 at 07:53 am report abuse -
46. this entry really made my tears drop... we lost Sam... huhuhu :(
June 17, 2010 at 06:14 am report abuse -
45. oh it was sad! I almost cried...V make Sam come back.....
June 17, 2010 at 02:56 am report abuse -
44. ang gara!sobrang gara..I'm tough right?!but with this blog I got teary-eyed,can't cry,asa office eh..how sad..I had been longing to read the blog and Sam had always been such a wonderful and perfect guy..sigh... :'(
June 17, 2010 at 01:44 am report abuse -
43. i was expecting v and sam will end up together.this is so sad...:'(
June 17, 2010 at 01:33 am report abuse -
42. naiiyak ako T_T ba't ganon kala ko pa naman siya ung magiging kasama mo sa simbahan :( nakakallungkot. di ako makapaniwala.
June 16, 2010 at 11:26 pm report abuse -
41. my tears keeps flowing now... it's so sad... so sorry for your loss V... i never expected this end between the two of you... i'm so sad :(
June 16, 2010 at 10:59 pm report abuse -
40. so sorry for your loss, V.
June 16, 2010 at 10:04 pm report abuse -
39. aw... na sad naman ako.. sana nag asawa na lang sana.. sana naging bakla na lang sya.. hindi yung gone forever. :((
June 16, 2010 at 08:44 pm report abuse -
38. this makes me cry..I never thought it would be in the scenario :((
June 16, 2010 at 08:07 pm report abuse -
37. noooo waaaay! nakaka depress na ha!;-(
June 16, 2010 at 07:46 pm report abuse -
36. huwaattt! omg.
June 16, 2010 at 07:30 pm report abuse -
35. This made me so sad today. I didn't expect Sam to leave V...this way. :(
June 16, 2010 at 05:25 pm report abuse -
34. :( this is really depressing
June 16, 2010 at 03:37 pm report abuse -
33. what the hell happened to sam?! i pictured you and him together in the end. it wasn't supposed to end like this! :-(
June 16, 2010 at 03:14 pm report abuse -
32. OMG...I'm so sad for you V..Sam died bcoz of what? we will surely miss Sam and all that we have are the memories of him ;-(
June 16, 2010 at 02:51 pm report abuse -
31. why? it makes me feel scared.
June 16, 2010 at 01:58 pm report abuse -
30. Thank you so much for the comments and support guys... :(
June 16, 2010 at 01:38 pm report abuse -
29. grabe ang lakas ng kaba ku while reading this. it mde me cry! Im sorry V for the lost Sam.. this is really heart breaking!! =(
June 16, 2010 at 01:13 pm report abuse -
28. Oh no! I never expect this V! no way!!! =((
June 16, 2010 at 01:10 pm report abuse -
27. I can feel your sadness v.sam is not totally gone.he's still around you v. i know!
June 16, 2010 at 11:32 am report abuse -
26. I never thought na mapapaiyak ako just bcoz of this blog. It hurts so much!
June 16, 2010 at 11:23 am report abuse -
25. :(
June 16, 2010 at 11:22 am report abuse -
24. super ouch
June 16, 2010 at 11:20 am report abuse -
23. huhu,, this would be my first time to comment but I have been following this everyday. When I read this at the office earlier, I cried! thank goodness no one saw me.. Poor sam. he's so sweet., V, I can feel your grief :(
June 16, 2010 at 11:19 am report abuse -
22. Good men die young... Goodbye, sam.
June 16, 2010 at 10:50 am report abuse -
21. :'( so sad.. goodbye sam...
June 16, 2010 at 10:26 am report abuse -
20. oh, this is heart wrenching..:(
June 16, 2010 at 09:45 am report abuse -
19. *SOB* Goodbye Sam... Hugs for you, V...
June 16, 2010 at 09:25 am report abuse -
18. this is really heartbreaking. *sob* i feel for you V.
June 16, 2010 at 09:04 am report abuse -
17. i cried when i read this :(
June 16, 2010 at 08:57 am report abuse -
16. Oh my god *cry*
June 16, 2010 at 08:45 am report abuse -
15. oh my. :(
June 16, 2010 at 08:45 am report abuse -
14. :((((((
June 16, 2010 at 08:43 am report abuse -
13. how did sam die?i'm so sad for you, v. i know you're strong enough to get through this. even if sam is gone, you're still here. he would want you to be happy
June 16, 2010 at 08:42 am report abuse -
12. i cant believe everything thats happening! grabe nman!
June 16, 2010 at 08:25 am report abuse -
11. tama nga ako. :| hay... why did sam die? siguro, natuklasan niya may sakit pala siya. cancer, leukemia or anything else... tapos he didn't want to let the persons close to his heart know.
June 16, 2010 at 07:30 am report abuse -
10. this is heartbreaking. i never want to outlive a dear friend...
June 16, 2010 at 04:37 am report abuse -
9. OMG....i cant believe it!!!!this blog really made me cry....ohhhhh im gonna miss SAM... oh V be strong...if your readers crying right now, how much more you... huhuhu ='(
June 16, 2010 at 02:58 am report abuse -
8. I knew that Sam is dead base on your previous blog, but I was in denial.. It's the last thing that I want that to happen.
June 16, 2010 at 02:47 am report abuse -
7. i can't beLieve this!!Kaya mu yan V!!im soo depresed..i didn't see this one coming='(
June 16, 2010 at 01:00 am report abuse -
6. that's so sad v...
June 16, 2010 at 12:37 am report abuse -
5. so sad!
June 16, 2010 at 12:32 am report abuse -
4. Oh my God.. Sam is Gone forever :( maysakit ba cia? cancer or what? im crying...:(
June 16, 2010 at 12:31 am report abuse -
3. sssssaaaaaaammmmmm!!! :((
June 16, 2010 at 12:30 am report abuse -
2. oh my....i feel sorry with what happend to Sam. it's hard really to move on. hopefully you recover V have courage.
June 16, 2010 at 12:30 am report abuse -
1. oh no.. what was Sam's condition? im so sorry V...be strong. i actually cried when i read this. grabe. sweet Sam is gone..
June 16, 2010 at 12:29 am report abuse
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