In this issue:
Cover Story: ANNE CURTIS
15 MEN ON FIRE
15th ANNIVERSARY Special!

BEDROOM BLOG BY VERONICA

Love & Lust > Bedroom Blog by Veronica

The End Of Chapter 2: Dear Sam

Posted on June 19, 2010 12:00 am by Veronica
Photo: from "Letters to Juliet" courtesy of Summit Entertainment

Print Email
061910M.jpg

A week after Sam was laid to rest, his elder sister, Ellen, met me for coffee and gave me a letter that was dated two months ago.

"Sam told us a lot about you," Ellen said, touching my hand. "Thank you for being there for him during the years we were not."

When I got home, I read Sam's letter. "Dear Veronica," it started.

Back when I was depressed over Matt, Sam and I didn't talk for a long time. I always thought he was just being distant. He wasn't. That was the year he found out that something was wrong with his heart. It was for the same reason that he went to the States a few months ago—to undergo a heart transplant.

He was scared. He didn't know if he would survive the operation, so one by one, he let us go. First, he encouraged Nino to pursue culinary training abroad; he closed down the restaurant; he broke up with Ana and told me she cheated so I would be angry. And that's because he didn't want pity. He didn't want to hear me say that he would find the right girl eventually because he wasn't sure he would even live to see that day. He didn't tell me because he knew me so well. He knew I would break down. He knew that the only way to make me survive this terrible news was to put my anger to work. And so he did.

And I survived.

And because I promised Ellen I wouldn't go into too much detail when I make it to this point in my story, all I can tell you is that Sam didn't survive the operation. He died in the US and just as he requested, his parents had him cremated and brought his remains home. Sam wrote the letter a day before his operation.

I finally understood why Sam kept telling me to take care of my heart. Because he was slowly losing his.

I was 23 when I lost Sam. It has been two years now. I can't remember how many times I broke down that year. I broke down so many times, I hardly felt whole. It took me a very long time before I could finally accept that Sam was gone. Whenever I look back on that broken 23-year-old girl, I always get this thought: Sometimes, you need to shatter to pieces first so you can start all over.

And I did.

Whenever anyone asks me if I loved him, I always tell them the truth: I loved him dearly, and sometimes too much. There were times when I crossed the fine, fine line between friends and lovers. I loved Sam too much. As I told Ana many times before, it might not be the kind of romantic love that we all know and all our common friends expected of us, but still, it was a love that was pure and genuine.

Losing Sam was one of the most difficult things I've had to deal with so far. Sometimes, I wonder, if I hadn't been too much of a sissy who didn't know how to commute to work, maybe I wouldn't have suffered that kind of loss. It would have spared my heart, but it also meant not being able to know him and not becoming best friends with a guy who was almost too good to be true.

And so I look back and tell my story with this knowledge: In life, we meet a lot of people who teach us about love. Sadly, some of them are only meant to teach us, in the same way Matt and Sam did for me.

This chapter in Bedroom Blog by Veronica is my last tribute to the dear best friend I found and lost. The one I could never ever replace. My "dear Sam."

END OF CHAPTER 2 OF BEDROOM BLOG BY VERONICA
Rating:

out of 5  Number of Votes: |

Print | Email

Tags: veronica,Sam,death

40 Comments

Add A Comment

    Security Image

  • ic3

Advertisements

Follow
us on:

POPULAR IN LOVE & LUST

RECEIVE COSMO.PH WEEKLY!

Join thousands of subscribers enjoying our fab weekly Wednesday sendouts, and get EXCLUSIVE celeb news, tips, and promos right in your inbox.