Print Email

"May I cut in?" Matt asked.

Aldrich didn't say anything but he motioned for Matt to take my hand. Before he left, he turned around to give me a knowing look that could only mean one thing and one thing alone: I hope you know what you're doing.

Matt is a terrific dancer. Sometimes, it makes me wonder how a person of such an obnoxious nature could be so well-mannered in other areas of social conduct.

It's a show, my dear, inner voice #1 said.

How do you think he gets a girl? inner voice #2 added.

It's quite disarming, isn't it? inner voice #3 challenged.

And it certainly was disarming. Matt surely knew his way and it felt good. His grip on my hand and waist were just right and we danced like it was the most natural thing for us to do. From afar, we probably looked picturesque, compared to how Aldrich and I were a while ago. We were in the middle of the dance floor and the live band was doing a fantastic rendition of one of the most romantic love songs of the '80s.

Tonight I celebrate my love for you. It seems the natural thing to do.

No piece of music could have been more perfect than this one, and no moment in the past, no matter how physical, could have brought me closer to him than tonight. Matt pulled me a little bit closer to him and, without thinking, I rested my head on his chest because at that moment, I wanted to feel close to him for the last time.

Tonight I celebrate my love for you
It seems the natural thing to do
Tonight no one's gonna find us
We'll leave the world behind us.

The music was so beautiful and the night was just perfect. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to remember and to feel the love I had for him—the love, the longing, and the pain that I carried with me all those years. In my dreams, I always wanted him to touch me like this—without an ounce of malice, without a precursor to something more physical. I always wondered what it would feel like, and that night, I felt it.

Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And soon this old world will seem brand new
Tonight we will both discover
How friends turn into lovers

This old world, I repeated in my head. I was living in an old world and bearing an age-old pain. I knew that I was still carrying it with me and I knew I had to let it go. But at that moment, I set it aside and closed my mind to all logic because I wanted to celebrate my love for him, even if it would be for the very last time. That night, I was dancing with him in a moment that was not supposed to exist.

What I want most to do
Is to get close to you
Tonight...

And that is what I really wanted to do but the song ended, and so did my fantasy. I opened my eyes and slowly peeled myself away from him. That was it, I thought. I have lived out the one fantasy I had kept and it was good.

That's what's scary about fantasizing sometimes: more often than not, things happen and look differently the moment you open your eyes to reality.

Print | Email

Related Blog Entries

• Admitting To Loving Matt
• How Can You Act Upon Something Vague?
• Who Needs A Boyfriend To Be In Love, Anyway?
• People Do Crazy Things When They're In Love
• Girl Gone Gaga

x

Friend's Email:
Message: (optional)
Your Name:
Your Email:

Follow
us on:

  

POPULAR IN LOVE & LUST

Join thousands of subscribers enjoying our fab weekly Wednesday sendouts, and get EXCLUSIVE celeb news, tips, and promos right in your inbox.