Waiting Is Torture

Posted on December 19, 2009 12:00 am by Veronica

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Two hours to go and I’m out of here (office), Greenbelt-bound, to meet Matt. I don’t know what awaits me when I finally see him after a long time. I’d probably get hurt and cry myself to sleep tonight.

Tomorrow, I’d probably delete everything I wrote about him in my personal blog and hate myself for even thinking of telling him about my feelings. Maybe I’d take back the words of wisdom I told my friends about being brave and wearing your heart on your sleeve. I’d probably want to kill him tomorrow. As much as I want to keep a positive outlook, with Matt, my heart is always on the grinder. Being a pessimist assures me of a fallback.

Later:

The asshole wanted to cancel tonight’s meeting. He said he has the item with him but he’ll be coming from Rockwell around 9PM and that he thinks it’s too late already.

I told him it was okay and I’ll meet him around 9PM at Starbucks Dela Rosa.

He said okay, but he couldn’t stay long because he’s meeting some friends after.

I just want to get this over with, especially after Dee and Claire talked sensed into me that a guy like that isn’t worth it, and after they offered to go with me with their pepper sprays ready.

I know. I just couldn’t stop... Even if I hate this feeling so much, I couldn’t make myself stop.

Maybe one day, my heart will just stop caring. Maybe one day, mauuntog na lang ako, and I will finally wake up from this hell of a phase.

After tonight, maybe my beliefs will change. Maybe he would tell me something that would change us completely. After tonight, maybe a new chapter would begin.

Whatever happens tonight, whatever it is that he will give me, I pray that it won’t shatter me to pieces. If it will, Lord, please give me the courage to put myself back together...and the kindness to forgive.

This is torture. And the worst part is, kapag pinag-antay na naman niya ako...well, mag-aantay pa rin ako. Hay naku, Veronica.

Later still:

He made it!

OMG! You wouldn’t believe what he gave me!

Photo source

Tags: bedroom blog,veronica,Matt,depression,sadness,heartbreak,confusion,heartache,love,relationship,dating,unrequited love,hurt

17 Comments

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• 
  lavfifth
  17. at natuwa ka naman sa binigay nia??
  May 09, 2010 at 04:46 am report abuse
• 
  lalabong
  16. Kaasar si Matt. Laging ganyan. It only means you're not important for him talaga.
  March 08, 2010 at 06:53 am report abuse
• 
  milaniecandido
  15. lust then love ata ako hehehe
  February 10, 2010 at 11:53 pm report abuse
• 
  handpaintedsky
  14. OMG is so gay pala ha? hahaha :)
  February 07, 2010 at 09:46 am report abuse
• 
  shirleylim26
  13. Matt is crazy. Ayoko talaga yung mga hirit nyang ganon. Good thing he arrived. Good luck V!
  February 06, 2010 at 02:40 pm report abuse
• 
  prettylass8831
  12. This is so sad because I see myself in Veronica.
  February 05, 2010 at 09:22 am report abuse
• 
  fishbowl84
  11. i cant wait to read the next blog..
  January 30, 2010 at 09:18 pm report abuse
• 
  miss_techylicious
  10. yeah true. it's like your heart and brain is fighting who's the boss. waiting sucks.
  January 28, 2010 at 11:51 am report abuse
• 
  summer33
  9. waiting and asaness...hays :( i so can relate
  January 25, 2010 at 10:31 am report abuse
• 
  len9
  8. Maybe one day, my heart will just stop caring. Maybe one day, mauuntog na lang ako, and I will finally wake up from this hell of a phase. awww. buti naman sumipot din tong si matt.
  January 23, 2010 at 02:33 pm report abuse
• 
  jhe_1212
  7. hay naku veronica!
  January 11, 2010 at 03:45 pm report abuse
• 
  summerinparis128
  6. I hate waiting because not everything is worth the wait.haha.I'm wondering what Matt gave to V?! I can't wait to read the next post.
  January 10, 2010 at 01:37 am report abuse
• 
  Myrajoy
  5. ooppss..waiting is torture indeed..
  January 05, 2010 at 12:46 pm report abuse
• 
  wiez08
  4. o-oh..
  December 29, 2009 at 11:44 am report abuse
• 
  andet
  3. hear hear, waiting isvery painful. iHate!
  December 26, 2009 at 11:58 pm report abuse
• Honey121
  2. What is it?!
  December 21, 2009 at 11:23 am report abuse
• 
  hazelnutzy
  1. next blog please? Im so excited, waiting is torture for me as well. :P
  December 19, 2009 at 02:56 am report abuse

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