Print Email

I often ask Logan this question: "Why do you love me?" It's quite narcissist, but so what? I need to hear it.

But one night, I asked him a different question: "When did you start really loving me?"

He thought for a while and then finally said, "Nung mga one year na tayo."

Silence.

Killer silence.

Logan started sweating bullets.

"E, siyempre sa una kinikilala pa kita," he started explaining. "Honestly, nakakaasar ka kaya nung una. Ang dami mong hang-ups at kaartehan. Dami mong insecurities. Dami mong kaaway. Pero nung nakilala na kita, nakita ko rin kung saan nanggagaling 'yung insecurities mo and bakit ka nagtataray minsan, and nakita ko na defense mechanism mo 'yung iba. Pero ang laki rin nang pinagbago mo e, so for the record, mas mahal na kita ngayon."

Toothy smile.

Normally, I'd go WTF, but when I thought about it, I realized that ako rin pala, mga after two years ko lang siya talagang minahal nang talagang mahal because, like he said, mas kilala ko na siya ngayon. But of course, I didn't tell him that.

Most guys would tell you that they loved you even before you became an item. That's bullsh*t. Most guys would tell you that they loved you in their past life (psycho 'yan, psycho!). Most guys would tell you that they loved you from the very beginning (pang-pogi points lang 'yan). But I'd bet very few would be brave enough to tell you the truth: that they started loving the "real" you about one year into the relationship, or when you were finally able to show him your real personality.

Despite my many contradictions, Logan finally understood me and saw through all my barriers and the faces that I often wear. As women, we wear many faces. We have lots of barriers, lots of hang-ups, lots of fears. So now, I feel really blessed to be with someone who's brave enough to hate me when I deserve it.

"Galit ka ba?" he asked sheepishly.

"Hindi," I smiled. "I think that's honesty talking. Tapang mo, ha."

He just smiled, reached for my cheek, and kissed me on the lips. And in his slightly terrified state (though he would never admit it), he forgot to ask me when I started loving him. When he does ask me, I'll tell him the truth that I think he already knows: that I only started to love him fully just recently because I was scared.

Before, though subconsciously, I never allowed myself to give my all because of what I have experienced. Before--and this one is quite obvious--I never allowed myself to see clearly just how sincere he could be and just how perfectly he complements me. I was scared that this relationship would be another short-term one, the kind that you'd regret a few months later because he left you. So, to spare yourself from having to tear page after page of your journal filled with moments with him, you end up not writing about him in the first place.

At the beginning, I had one foot ready to bolt in case I saw something that wasn't right. But now that I've put my past behind me and finally see people as they are, I feel that we could finally begin.

And that, my dear friends, is just one of the reasons we flew to Hong Kong.

Print | Email

Related Blog Entries

• Who Needs A Boyfriend To Be In Love, Anyway?
• Admitting To Loving Matt
• On Being A Commitment-Phobe
• When Your Friends Are In A Relationship...
• There's A Fine, Fine Line...Take Two

x

Friend's Email:
Message: (optional)
Your Name:
Your Email:

Follow
us on:

  

POPULAR IN LOVE & LUST

Join thousands of subscribers enjoying our fab weekly Wednesday sendouts, and get EXCLUSIVE celeb news, tips, and promos right in your inbox.