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When you've been doing something for so long, it's hard to not know how to do it, even when you stop for a while. Like figure skating. I've been skating since fourth grade. I stopped when I went to college, but whenever I step on the rink again, I always feel like I never stopped. I always feel that I'm in my element.

That's how I felt when I gave myself the chance to revisit an old memory and feel old emotions. I've loved Matt for so long. I've loved him for years. I've loved him longer than I've loved Logan. I've loved him madly. Years after, it feels as if I never stopped.

When you've loved someone for so long, it's almost effortless to fall back into old patterns. It's so easy to recall old glimpses of his face. It's so easy to search for old photos, old journal entries that made me shiver, and old moments that meant the world to me. And yes, it's so easy to put that person back on the pedestal, the same one where I kicked him off.

When you've loved someone for so long, it's so easy to forget why you swore off him in the first place. It's so easy to forget the years I spent wallowing. It's so easy to forget the pain he had caused me the moment I let myself believe there was a higher power bringing us together.

Science tells us that negative emotions are the easiest to recall because they imprint so much so easily; that's why we can never fully forget the names of the people who have wronged us, and why it's so hard to forgive sometimes. But when you've loved someone irrationally for so long, it takes so little to forget why you hated him to the core.

Like that one time, when I was browsing through some magazines in National Bookstore. I was looking for the new issue of a travel magazine I write for when I saw a brand new gadget magazine on display. I grabbed one out of curiosity. After all, it was the new competition of the magazine I had been contributing to for years. When I checked the staff box, I saw Matt's name, and once again, I was hit by the same lightning that kept hitting me all those years.

I didn't buy the gadget magazine. I even forgot to buy the new issue of the travel magazine for which I write, which was my plan when I rushed to the bookstore before my kickboxing class. And that night, I accidentally kicked my trainer on the hip.

When you've loved someone for so long, it's so easy to think that the universe never stopped working to bring you back together.

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