BEDROOM BLOG BY VERONICA
You Are Pathetic, Matt
Posted on November 6, 2009 12:00 am by
Veronica
“I think you’re pathetic.”
These were the first few words that came out of my mouth. Matt and I were in his living room, staring at each other over glasses of wine; the rain drops make a luminous pattern on the wall-to-ceiling windows facing the airport.
“You keep telling people that you’re not afraid to die but the truth is that you’re really scared,” I continued. “I don’t know what exactly happened to you in the past, but hey, people get hurt. Hindi lang ikaw."
“There are so many people who have endured greater pain and bigger loss. But they’ve chosen not to waste away. They chose to fight, to live."
“But you…” I sighed. “You’re so pampered. You have everything within your reach—family, career, friends—and you still choose to wither away. You keep pushing the people who try to help you. And then you get so emo. I think that’s pathetic.”
You keep pushing me away. I wanted to add. And then pulling me back. You keep giving me mixed signals. Just how messed up are you Matt? But look, I’m still here, because...because I’ve fallen madly in love with you.
There. I said it. He just didn’t hear it. I knew better so I stopped there. I didn’t notice that I was pacing back and forth in front of his windows. I was on a roll.
“Tapos ka na?”
“Yes,” I said.
He got up, walked to the windows and stared at the airport ahead. He was wearing a navy blue button down polo shirt, black pants, and black slip-on loafers. He got a new haircut, which made him look a little less haggard this time, but his eyes still cast the same weary expression all over his face.
“Please don’t blame me if I’m like this,” he said, his eyes focusing on the blinking lights at the airport. “You know how much I like you, right? I like you just the way you are, so feisty and naive at times. Your words have a way of making me feel good when I feel so crappy all day long."
“If you think of me that way, it makes me wonder why you’re still here,” he said.
I sighed.
“If you’re just some other guy, I wouldn’t care how messed up you are,” I said. “You are Matt [surname deleted]. There is more to you than just this sadness. I’ve always believed that you’re meant for greater things.
“I care for you a lot Matt,” I admitted to him. “Sometimes I wish I could just take all your sadness and make it all go away. Just so I can see you smile more. I care for you so much. But if it bothers you...do you want me to stop caring?”
“No...I don’t want you to stop caring,” he answered, facing me. “You don’t want to get intimate with a pathetic guy like me.”
I closed the distance between us, reached up and touched his hair.
“Don’t you think it’s too late for that?”
And with those words, I just know that I have gone too far to go back.
Photo source
These were the first few words that came out of my mouth. Matt and I were in his living room, staring at each other over glasses of wine; the rain drops make a luminous pattern on the wall-to-ceiling windows facing the airport.
“You keep telling people that you’re not afraid to die but the truth is that you’re really scared,” I continued. “I don’t know what exactly happened to you in the past, but hey, people get hurt. Hindi lang ikaw."
“There are so many people who have endured greater pain and bigger loss. But they’ve chosen not to waste away. They chose to fight, to live."
“But you…” I sighed. “You’re so pampered. You have everything within your reach—family, career, friends—and you still choose to wither away. You keep pushing the people who try to help you. And then you get so emo. I think that’s pathetic.”
You keep pushing me away. I wanted to add. And then pulling me back. You keep giving me mixed signals. Just how messed up are you Matt? But look, I’m still here, because...because I’ve fallen madly in love with you.
There. I said it. He just didn’t hear it. I knew better so I stopped there. I didn’t notice that I was pacing back and forth in front of his windows. I was on a roll.
“Tapos ka na?”
“Yes,” I said.
He got up, walked to the windows and stared at the airport ahead. He was wearing a navy blue button down polo shirt, black pants, and black slip-on loafers. He got a new haircut, which made him look a little less haggard this time, but his eyes still cast the same weary expression all over his face.
“Please don’t blame me if I’m like this,” he said, his eyes focusing on the blinking lights at the airport. “You know how much I like you, right? I like you just the way you are, so feisty and naive at times. Your words have a way of making me feel good when I feel so crappy all day long."
“If you think of me that way, it makes me wonder why you’re still here,” he said.
I sighed.
“If you’re just some other guy, I wouldn’t care how messed up you are,” I said. “You are Matt [surname deleted]. There is more to you than just this sadness. I’ve always believed that you’re meant for greater things.
“I care for you a lot Matt,” I admitted to him. “Sometimes I wish I could just take all your sadness and make it all go away. Just so I can see you smile more. I care for you so much. But if it bothers you...do you want me to stop caring?”
“No...I don’t want you to stop caring,” he answered, facing me. “You don’t want to get intimate with a pathetic guy like me.”
I closed the distance between us, reached up and touched his hair.
“Don’t you think it’s too late for that?”
And with those words, I just know that I have gone too far to go back.
Photo source
Tags: open up,push away,sadness,caring,pathetic,emo,rain,wine,condo,Matt,veronica,bedroom blog
20 Comments
Add A Comment
-
20. atta girl..haha..
April 26, 2010 at 02:19 pm report abuse -
19. V, I really feel for you. If only I can talk to Matt about what you feel I'll help you...
March 08, 2010 at 06:31 am report abuse -
18. who's pathetic? i think both of you are. :P
February 06, 2010 at 12:08 pm report abuse -
17. V, you're madly in love him talaga. V, I think you'll get hurt with Matt, but that's what love is all about.
February 06, 2010 at 11:00 am report abuse -
16. @fishbowl: literally and figuratively speaking.
February 05, 2010 at 10:02 pm report abuse -
15. ouch. yup you've already dipped into the water, might as well get all wet!
January 30, 2010 at 10:48 am report abuse -
14. next blog. san na kaya si sam.
January 23, 2010 at 01:38 pm report abuse -
13. YOU'RE BOTH PATHETIC!!
January 23, 2010 at 06:26 am report abuse -
12. Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
January 11, 2010 at 10:14 am report abuse -
11. Ouch! That's harsh V! I remember when someone told me that,someone I really care for,it truthfully hurts.But the difference is I'm not like Matt,the person who told me that is so much similar to Matt.I agree w/ what u hv said V,we should not let bad situations waste us.There's more to life and we should not always let it end in a painful note.
January 07, 2010 at 01:36 am report abuse -
10. woah!....one step up!..hehe
January 04, 2010 at 01:19 pm report abuse -
yoj9. v stop it habang maaga pa
November 07, 2009 at 06:06 pm report abuse -
annie8. No, V, noooo! You deserve better!!!
November 06, 2009 at 10:36 pm report abuse -
7. any side notes on Sam? ^-^
November 06, 2009 at 08:27 pm report abuse -
daphne03126. sam...
November 06, 2009 at 01:34 pm report abuse -
5. Oh my!! kinikilig ako! pero bitin na naman!
November 06, 2009 at 01:08 pm report abuse -
Pepper4. >_< si sam?? pano na?
November 06, 2009 at 08:33 am report abuse -
Marley3. Nice. Wonder how this will end :)
November 06, 2009 at 07:39 am report abuse -
2. paano na si sam? waaaaa..
November 06, 2009 at 02:32 am report abuse -
1. nice one. =)
November 06, 2009 at 01:53 am report abuse
Advertisements
Follow
us on:
us on:
POPULAR IN LOVE & LUST
-
The Top 15 Cosmo Sutra Positions EVER!
In honor of our 15th birthday, we're spilling the deets on the 15 most popular... READ MORE
-
8 Things Guys Notice At First Glance
Our surface qualities can draw men in--or push them away. Find out which traits leave... READ MORE
RECEIVE COSMO.PH WEEKLY!
Join thousands of subscribers enjoying our fab weekly Wednesday sendouts, and get EXCLUSIVE celeb news, tips, and promos right in your inbox.