You Who Know What Love Is

Posted on November 23, 2009 12:00 am by Veronica
Photo: "Closer" courtesy of Columbia Pictures

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I read in an article that crazy people don’t know they’re crazy. In the same manner, do depressed people know they’re depressed?

In this case, I’ve always suspected that Matt is depressed. That wasn’t hard to tell. Actually, I’ve known it for quite some time now. Sometimes, even I can feel the sadness radiating from him, and there are crazy moments when I just feel that something is awfully wrong in his world. Have you ever felt that? That even without words, you feel someone’s pain, even from afar? I’ve never believed in such nonsense before, until now.

There are days when I feel that I mean something to him, no matter how small the part, and then there are times that he would be so distant and this could stretch for weeks on end. What is it they say about people born under the zodiac Gemini? Twins. Dual personalities.

Maybe that explains his sudden shifts of aura...personality...whatever. It scares me most of the time because it’s kind of hard to tell what’s real. Or could he be simply playing a part? I don’t know...I don’t know. And yet I feel the need to comfort him, whatever it is he’s going through.

On days when he’s gone MIA, I try to keep up with what’s happening in his world through his blog. I’ll never forget the time I first read this particular entry. It was on a rainy Saturday night. I was at home chatting with Charlie, a college buddy, while sipping red wine. This is an excerpt from Matt’s blog. He posted the lyrics of "Voi Che Sapete," an Italian opera song.

You who know what love is,

Ladies, see if I have it in my heart.

I’ll tell you what I’m feeling,

It’s new for me, and I understand nothing.

I have a feeling, full of desire,

Which is by turns delightful and miserable.

I freeze and then feel my soul go up in flames,

Then in a moment I turn to ice.

I’m searching for affection outside of myself,

I don’t know how to hold it, nor even what it is!

I sigh and lament without wanting to,

I twitter and tremble without knowing why,

I find peace neither night nor day,

But still I rather enjoy languishing this way.

You who know what love is,

Ladies, see if I have it in my heart.

Once more, looking back, I wish I had been the smarter version of myself at that time—smart enough to read between the lines, smarter still to walk away. Because it was that song that tricked me into falling into the biggest trap that took me years to claw my way out of.

Tags: Voi Che Sapete,bedroom blog,veronica,Matt,gemini,zodiac sign,depression,sadness,heartbreak,confusion,heartache,love,relationship,dating,opera

20 Comments

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• 
  sassy_g21
  20. true w/ geminis they really have weird personalities sometimes. I have an ex like that too... I cant stand him and i jusst realized he's really babaero tlga and they're really pain the in the ass. But peace not all geminis hah..it just so happen na marami akong kilalang gemini na maraming incidents ng 3rd party. minsan tlga sweet sila minsan nmn bigla magagalit. super seloso pa. hays IDK what's with geminis din ... apir tayo dyan V :)
  June 01, 2010 at 11:15 pm report abuse
• 
  lavfifth
  19. Matt could be afraid,afraid of himself..He didn't know what he's into..
  April 28, 2010 at 09:22 am report abuse
• 
  lalabong
  18. I can't figure out Matt. He's so clueless. I am so confused about his real feelings.
  March 08, 2010 at 06:39 am report abuse
• 
  handpaintedsky
  17. tsk tsk. bad bad matt. or rather, poor, poor matt. :(
  February 07, 2010 at 09:02 am report abuse
• 
  shirleylim26
  16. Matt is a hopeless romantic. He's so clueless. I just don't get him.
  February 06, 2010 at 01:26 pm report abuse
• 
  donnaportia
  15. Matt's a bit tricky. Maybe he does have dual personalities V...
  February 02, 2010 at 09:51 pm report abuse
• 
  fishbowl84
  14. if he's depressed, he need a psych intervention and some antidepressants.
  January 30, 2010 at 08:29 pm report abuse
• 
  miss_techylicious
  13. lessons are learned the hard way. after all these, i know we can be stronger.
  January 28, 2010 at 01:26 pm report abuse
• 
  len9
  12. matt is not healthy for v.. parang ginagamit lang siya ni matt e bigla lang sumusulpot out of the blue at nawawala din.
  January 23, 2010 at 01:59 pm report abuse
• 
  jhe_1212
  11. hay, i just really hate matt whatever you say.
  January 11, 2010 at 12:47 pm report abuse
• 
  summerinparis128
  10. yeah.where's sam? Matt is complicated and now turning in MEGA complicated & hard to analyze.whew!
  January 09, 2010 at 06:01 am report abuse
• Mandy
  9. claw my way out. interesting.
  November 25, 2009 at 06:17 am report abuse
• sheila14
  8. so what happened to Sam?
  November 24, 2009 at 11:05 am report abuse
• patty15
  7. I hate matt... V, si sam nalang.
  November 24, 2009 at 11:04 am report abuse
• :)
  6. BRING BACK SAM!!!!
  November 24, 2009 at 11:02 am report abuse
• lily
  5. Matt is an asshole!
  November 24, 2009 at 10:58 am report abuse
• Amanda
  4. Hmmm...parang nilulure ni Matt yung mga girls to see if he has love in his heart :(
  November 24, 2009 at 10:56 am report abuse
• Honey121
  3. Nice lyrics naman...pang depressed nga
  November 24, 2009 at 10:54 am report abuse
• 
  christineorias
  2. weak and he's in denial. I'm seeing myself in you only that I crawled my way out to that trap for quite a while na. It's the hardest but that's the best thing I could do for myself. I've had enough. Hope you'll get to that point too V. :)
  November 23, 2009 at 03:48 pm report abuse
• 
  jhinggay19
  1. maybe matt is in denial ..afraid of being hurt again kaya di niya masabi kung ano ba talaga nafefeel niyo for V.
  November 23, 2009 at 01:21 pm report abuse

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