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Love & Lust > Dating

5 Guy Talk Traits You Should Know

When it comes to communication, men and women aren't always on the same page. In fact, they're not even in the same book! Cosmo shares a few facts to help you understand your boy better.
Posted on January 26, 2010 08:00 am by Stephanie Booth
Photo: Monica Barretto
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guytalktraits_main.jpgIt’s no secret that guys and gals have very different ways of communicating. And when it comes to love, if you can’t decipher what your partner is really saying, your relationship is headed for a roadblock. So to help, we’ve nailed five breakthroughs that will enable you to read the subtitles on his guyspeak and will help him get you, too.

“Once you understand what makes your partner tick, you’ll each have a much better chance of being heard and understood by each other…and of getting both your needs met without a whole lot of game playing,” says Yvonne Thomas, PhD, a licensed psychologist in Los Angeles. Not only will you boost your love connection, but you’ll also actually be able to translate his native tongue when he’s trying to tell you how much he adores you.

1. Guys Crave Short And Sweet Compliments

Think about how football players congratulate each other after a win: high-fives, butt slaps, and Gatorade dumped over one another’s heads. Suffice it to say, men like to be praised in a totally different way than women do. “While females rely on gushy words to show their affection, guys take action,” says Thomas. “They steer clear of verbalizing praise because it’s not ‘manly.’” So when you flatter your man with a lot of flowery admiration—no matter how sincerely—he’s unsure of how to respond.

To compliment him so he feels it, save the sappy stuff for your girlfriends and adopt a less-is-more attitude instead. Short and sweet lines (think “I had no doubt you’d get that promotion!”) will mean more to your man than raving about how he’s Manila’s next multi-millionaire. Another way to give him props without making him cringe: Surprise him with a gift, like a new polo shirt, or a bottle of wine. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, just relevant.

And just because he enjoys low-key snaps over love sonnets doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice getting a little worship. The key: Tell him straight up exactly how much his attentiveness means to you. “After months of fishing for compliments, I finally said to Andy, ‘Look, you know how much you love it when I surprise you with tickets? That’s how much I love hearing you say you like my new haircut or that you think I’m hilariously funny,’” says Cristy, 28. “Bingo. He finally got it.” Fact is, your guy really wants to make you happy, but he’s not always sure how. So give him a little direction and reap the romance rewards.

2. Men Savor Silence

Let’s say you and your guy have just had amazing sex. You’re curled up in each other’s arms, enjoying the post-booty buzz, when two things happen simultaneously: You’re overcome with an urge to confess that you’ve never felt closer to him...right as he’s closing his eyes to enjoy the afterglow.

Before you assume that he’s not feeling the bond, remember that the way men and women experience intimacy is essentially opposite. While women tend to put a talking soundtrack to intense moments, guys want to be in it without the running commentary. “Summing up an experience enriches the event for women,” says James Houran, PhD, director of psychological studies for True, an online relationship service. “But men don’t place the same emphasis on dialogue.” So while you’re recapping, he’s thinking, “Why rehash this? We just did it!”

So how can you strike a balance between sound and silence? By finding ways to relish the moment...together. Carrie, 27, discovered one: “My boyfriend likes to crash after sex, while I want to talk. So, I sometimes suggest we have a shower. We get to be all close and cuddly, so I’m happy and forgo the conversation. And he’s happy because he can just be without all my blabbing.” Bottom line: When you can thoroughly enjoy an intimate moment with your man without compromising the way he likes to enjoy it, you’re truly sharing it together.

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Tags: men,relationship,boyfriend,girlfriend,man,communication,couple,man manual,decoding men,how men think

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