DATING
Keep Him Hooked By Taking It Slow
Do you want to keep your hot new guy? Arm yourself with these tips so you don’t scare him away.
Posted on September 30, 2009 12:00 am by Jessie Knadler, US Writer
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
Posted on September 30, 2009 12:00 am by Jessie Knadler, US Writer
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
You’ve heard the dating war stories: A blossoming love match suddenly goes bust and the woman is left standing there with a befuddled (not so cute) look on her face. Not to point fingers, but it’s sometimes the result of a chick unwittingly accelerating the relationship pace…and sending her man into a panic. “When a woman hits it off with a guy early on, she assumes that their chemistry translates into an instant emotional bond,” says James Houran, PhD, chief psychologist for True, an online dating service. “But rushing intimacy makes guys anxious, leading them to break things off.” To prevent your man from bolting, study these take-it-slow tips from guys.
Take-It-Slow Tip 1
“Don’t Park Your Stuff At My Place”
“After two amazing dates with this really cool girl, I thought we would eventually get serious,” recalls Edward, 28. “But over the next few weeks, she began leaving her personal items around my apartment whenever she slept over: her toothbrush, DVDs, even clothes. I started worrying that she was going to ask me for a key to the front door. It freaked me out so much, I quit seeing her.”
Dropping your belongings off at your new man’s pad might seem benign…to you. But to the average dude, it signals domesticity, and no man is ready for the D bomb quite so early. “When you stash stuff at his house, you’re letting him know that you plan to be there on a regular basis,” explains New York City psychologist and life coach Janice D. Bennett, PhD. “He interprets this to mean that you’ve carved out a permanent spot in his life. Since many guys get nervous thinking so far into the future, he’s likely to slam the brakes on your union.”
Of course, we’re not saying you can’t bring necessities like your toothbrush and clean underwear when you spend the night at his home…so long as you don’t stow it in his medicine cabinet or closet. But if you pass the three-month mark without a dresser drawer of your own, bring up the issue by asking “Hey, is there a place where I can keep a few essentials? It seems silly to keep carting contact-lens solution between apartments.” Once you clue him in, a worthy guy will make the room.
Take-It-Slow Tip 2
“Hold Your Own Emotional Baggage”
It’s no secret that women bond by swapping sob stories with one another. But the nitty-gritty of your traumatic childhood and crappy dating history are definite new-man repellants. “When you disclose personal information to a guy you don’t know very well, he may feel burdened, unsure whether he’s supposed to help you get over your issues or promise right then and there that he won’t cause you similar pain,” explains Los Angeles psychotherapist Nancy Irwin, PsyD.
Mark, 32, can relate. “On our third date, a girl I was really attracted to started telling me how scarred she was by her verbally abusive college boyfriend,” he remembers. “As I was comforting her, I wondered why she was sharing this with me and if it was some kind of test of my devotion. It put pressure on me to be the perfect boyfriend. I decided I wasn’t up to the task.”
Bottom line: Zip your lips when it comes to any heavy, super-emotional life details, at least for a couple of months, until you know each other better or until he prods you to reveal more personal information.
Photo source
Take-It-Slow Tip 1
“Don’t Park Your Stuff At My Place”
“After two amazing dates with this really cool girl, I thought we would eventually get serious,” recalls Edward, 28. “But over the next few weeks, she began leaving her personal items around my apartment whenever she slept over: her toothbrush, DVDs, even clothes. I started worrying that she was going to ask me for a key to the front door. It freaked me out so much, I quit seeing her.”
Dropping your belongings off at your new man’s pad might seem benign…to you. But to the average dude, it signals domesticity, and no man is ready for the D bomb quite so early. “When you stash stuff at his house, you’re letting him know that you plan to be there on a regular basis,” explains New York City psychologist and life coach Janice D. Bennett, PhD. “He interprets this to mean that you’ve carved out a permanent spot in his life. Since many guys get nervous thinking so far into the future, he’s likely to slam the brakes on your union.”
Of course, we’re not saying you can’t bring necessities like your toothbrush and clean underwear when you spend the night at his home…so long as you don’t stow it in his medicine cabinet or closet. But if you pass the three-month mark without a dresser drawer of your own, bring up the issue by asking “Hey, is there a place where I can keep a few essentials? It seems silly to keep carting contact-lens solution between apartments.” Once you clue him in, a worthy guy will make the room.
Take-It-Slow Tip 2
“Hold Your Own Emotional Baggage”
It’s no secret that women bond by swapping sob stories with one another. But the nitty-gritty of your traumatic childhood and crappy dating history are definite new-man repellants. “When you disclose personal information to a guy you don’t know very well, he may feel burdened, unsure whether he’s supposed to help you get over your issues or promise right then and there that he won’t cause you similar pain,” explains Los Angeles psychotherapist Nancy Irwin, PsyD.
Mark, 32, can relate. “On our third date, a girl I was really attracted to started telling me how scarred she was by her verbally abusive college boyfriend,” he remembers. “As I was comforting her, I wondered why she was sharing this with me and if it was some kind of test of my devotion. It put pressure on me to be the perfect boyfriend. I decided I wasn’t up to the task.”
Bottom line: Zip your lips when it comes to any heavy, super-emotional life details, at least for a couple of months, until you know each other better or until he prods you to reveal more personal information.
Photo source
Tags: men,dating,relationship,date,friends,man,couple,weekend plans,hooked,twosome,personal space,emotional baggage
19 Comments
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19. Helpful article. And I love the movie How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days. Super funny yet sweet at the same time.
April 30, 2010 at 09:52 am report abuse -
18. mas gusto nga nila yung your of the guys din.
March 23, 2010 at 08:36 pm report abuse -
17. wag masyado maarte hindi gusto yun ng guys.
March 23, 2010 at 08:35 pm report abuse -
16. hahaha that's from the movie how to lose a guy in 10 days!
March 12, 2010 at 12:16 pm report abuse -
15. âDonât Park Your Stuff At My Placeâ --- take it slow. don't be in a rush to spend the rest of your life with him.
March 07, 2010 at 02:50 pm report abuse -
14. may stuff na pwede ileave sa place ng guy. :D nasa cosmo feb issue! :) hehe like the tips
February 07, 2010 at 07:10 pm report abuse -
13. lets take it slow, so slow. no need to rush. if it hits you, it hits you. so better to take it slowly.
February 04, 2010 at 01:59 pm report abuse -
12. Women should have to take it slow. If your man is not into marriage status yet you really have to take him slow. I mean don't be pakialamera with his stuff and don't act as if you're his wife.
February 04, 2010 at 08:02 am report abuse -
11. as per the movie: i like the pet name she gave the little member: princess sophia. :)
February 02, 2010 at 12:08 pm report abuse -
10. @rose:its Matthew McConaughey.hehe.girls or evn guys always need to tke things slow to gt bttr results.hehe
February 01, 2010 at 02:30 am report abuse -
9. It'a cool movie with a very nice ending. =)
January 29, 2010 at 10:37 am report abuse -
8. do not assume. a very impt. rule.
January 26, 2010 at 07:46 pm report abuse -
7. I totally agree with all the stuff in this article.
January 26, 2010 at 09:33 am report abuse -
6. It's how to lose a guy in 10 days right? The guy there I forgot his name is so charming..
January 25, 2010 at 06:14 pm report abuse -
5. these tips are cool. i love the movie - how to loose a guy in 10 days. love it! =)
January 22, 2010 at 11:21 pm report abuse -
4. guilty as charged! at tip #4 assuming we have weekend plans *embarassed* Now i know why ive scare them away :P
January 22, 2010 at 12:41 am report abuse -
jraz3. OMG... 'a chick (*ME) unwittingly accelerating the relationship pace' guilty as charged!!!! so that's why they break it off and run the other direction... Relationships are so over-rated!!!
October 01, 2009 at 10:20 pm report abuse -
2. lol @ hold your own emotional baggage! kate hudson doesn't look like she's doing it very well!
September 30, 2009 at 09:30 am report abuse -
cram1. well thats true..very true..experiences speaks..learn to know each other first..
September 30, 2009 at 01:50 am report abuse
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