DATING
Why You Should Wait Before Having Sex With Him
We know you can't wait to get busy with your hot new guy. Here's why it pays to keep your pants on for the meantime.
Posted on December 16, 2009 12:00 am by Jennifer Benjamin, US Writer
Photo: "American Pie" courtesy of Universal Pictures
Posted on December 16, 2009 12:00 am by Jennifer Benjamin, US Writer
Photo: "American Pie" courtesy of Universal Pictures
We know how hard it is to resist ripping each other’s clothes off when you and a guy are feeling frisky. But if you think a new lust object could have long-term love potential, you might want to delay doing the deed. “The sex will be more intense when it does happen because you’ll feel comfortable and connected,” says sex therapist Gloria G. Brame, PhD. Now here’s the real shocker: The majority of men want you to make them sweat it out...a little. According to a Cosmo sex survey, 58 percent of guys would rather go on a few dates before bedding a girl they like (even Cosmo’s December 2009 Man on Fire JC de Vera seems to think so). Read on to learn why it’s beneficial—for your sex life and future relationship—to take your time, plus how to keep things red-hot while you’re holding off.
Why He Wants To Wait
Sure, there are a lot of horny hounds just looking to get laid. But when a guy really digs a chick, he doesn’t mind taking a chill. How come? Blame it on the old double standard. “If a woman sleeps with a man too soon, he can’t help but wonder if that’s what she’s done with every other guy who’s come along,” says Michael Gurian, author of What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man’s Mind Really Works. If you’re slower to hop in the sack, he’ll think he’s one of the elite few who’s been lucky enough to get busy with you.
He also doesn’t want to romp right away, because he’s paranoid you’ll slip into insta-monogamy mode. “Men know that women often assume they’re exclusive once they have sex with someone,” says Gurian.
The Bonding Bonus
When a relationship is brand spanking new, you want to spend every possible second getting it on. But “people sometimes use lovemaking as a shortcut to intimacy,” says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology at the University of Washington and author of Everything You Know About Love and Sex Is Wrong. If you take sex out of the equation for a little while, you can focus on learning about each other.
Too-soon sex can also make you overlook a fella’s flaws (or, in the case of some women, not see his flaws at all until it’s too late). “Once you sleep with a man, you suspend judgment because you want to make it work,” says Brame. Meaning, you could end up falling for a guy who’s completely wrong for you and not figure it out until months later when the love buzz wears off.
So how long should you put him on hold? While it’s really an individual decision, a general rule of thumb is to wait four to eight dates. “Many couples have found that holding off until at least the fourth date has led to more successful relationships,” says Sandor Gardos, PhD, staff sexologist at www.mypleasure.com. Just promise to make it worth his while.
Passion Perks
Building the anticipation will make the experience even more exciting for both of you. “The sensual energy continues to grow, so by the time you finally do have sex, it’s a huge rush and release,” says Gardos. And your temporary no-sex status will inspire your erotic imagination. So your eventual action will not only be intense but inventive as well.
Why He Wants To Wait
Sure, there are a lot of horny hounds just looking to get laid. But when a guy really digs a chick, he doesn’t mind taking a chill. How come? Blame it on the old double standard. “If a woman sleeps with a man too soon, he can’t help but wonder if that’s what she’s done with every other guy who’s come along,” says Michael Gurian, author of What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man’s Mind Really Works. If you’re slower to hop in the sack, he’ll think he’s one of the elite few who’s been lucky enough to get busy with you.
He also doesn’t want to romp right away, because he’s paranoid you’ll slip into insta-monogamy mode. “Men know that women often assume they’re exclusive once they have sex with someone,” says Gurian.
The Bonding Bonus
When a relationship is brand spanking new, you want to spend every possible second getting it on. But “people sometimes use lovemaking as a shortcut to intimacy,” says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology at the University of Washington and author of Everything You Know About Love and Sex Is Wrong. If you take sex out of the equation for a little while, you can focus on learning about each other.
Too-soon sex can also make you overlook a fella’s flaws (or, in the case of some women, not see his flaws at all until it’s too late). “Once you sleep with a man, you suspend judgment because you want to make it work,” says Brame. Meaning, you could end up falling for a guy who’s completely wrong for you and not figure it out until months later when the love buzz wears off.
So how long should you put him on hold? While it’s really an individual decision, a general rule of thumb is to wait four to eight dates. “Many couples have found that holding off until at least the fourth date has led to more successful relationships,” says Sandor Gardos, PhD, staff sexologist at www.mypleasure.com. Just promise to make it worth his while.
Passion Perks
Building the anticipation will make the experience even more exciting for both of you. “The sensual energy continues to grow, so by the time you finally do have sex, it’s a huge rush and release,” says Gardos. And your temporary no-sex status will inspire your erotic imagination. So your eventual action will not only be intense but inventive as well.
Tags: dating,relationship,boyfriend,girlfriend,sex,couples,love advice,passion,relationship advice,first-time sex,bonding
31 Comments
Add A Comment
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31. just wait for the perfect timing
May 16, 2010 at 09:59 pm report abuse -
30. don't do it out of wed lock.
March 23, 2010 at 08:21 pm report abuse -
29. don't do it yet make sure na you're already married
March 23, 2010 at 08:20 pm report abuse -
28. Use your head! Don't rush things!
March 12, 2010 at 12:01 pm report abuse -
27. You don't have to rush everything. If you are meant for each other you two will get married and be happy with one another.
March 07, 2010 at 02:34 pm report abuse -
26. I've learned that building the anticipation will make the experience even more exciting for both of you. This is really true!
February 08, 2010 at 08:50 am report abuse -
25. guys love the challenge. :)
February 07, 2010 at 07:24 pm report abuse -
24. guys like girls who don't easily hit the sack with guys. kailangan hard to get. hehe
February 04, 2010 at 01:52 pm report abuse -
23. dnt be easy to gt,mwawalan ng chalenge un guys.
February 01, 2010 at 03:11 am report abuse -
22. I like men who know how to wait. I hate agressive guys.
January 31, 2010 at 05:37 pm report abuse -
21. Bam, I was not referring to myself.
January 31, 2010 at 12:16 am report abuse -
bam20. nice.. hmm.. =)
January 30, 2010 at 01:22 am report abuse -
19. The problem nowadays is that it is the girl who can't wait, not the man.
January 29, 2010 at 04:23 pm report abuse -
18. totally agree with it. dito kasi matetest kung interested sila sayo sa personality rather than sex. you will know naman kung ano talaga ang after sayo the way they talked to you. :D
January 27, 2010 at 01:30 pm report abuse -
17. no guarantee in life...done it on my 2nd date. after 7 years of being boyfriend-girlfriend, we're still together. actually we're celebrating our 10th yr wedding anniv this yr.that's 17 yrs in all!
January 26, 2010 at 10:54 pm report abuse -
16. be responsible of what you are doing.
January 26, 2010 at 09:20 pm report abuse -
15. We still are in a conservative society. Thus, this is still not accepted especially to the Catholic Church. So, try to convince na lng the guy to wait for the right time because it would be more special and proper at the same time.
January 26, 2010 at 10:35 am report abuse -
14. we didn't wait until we were married, so i got pregnant, and now we are happily married and now our daughter is almost 4 and we're planning to add more!
January 25, 2010 at 07:14 pm report abuse -
13. there's so many other things pa to enjoy each other other than sex. we'll explore those muna haha
January 24, 2010 at 10:14 pm report abuse -
12. these are all true. sex is great when done at the right time.
January 23, 2010 at 11:05 pm report abuse -
11. Bottom line: Think before you act!
January 14, 2010 at 12:33 pm report abuse -
10. now I know! hehe
January 09, 2010 at 02:10 pm report abuse -
rhheeeaaaatch9. it's just a sex.. nothin more
January 01, 2010 at 05:30 pm report abuse -
8. should make ur own decision wisely
December 28, 2009 at 01:47 am report abuse -
rainbow117. well said.. it's better to wait for the right guy than feel sorry for giving in easily.
December 25, 2009 at 10:03 pm report abuse -
6. my guy and i are two months short for an anniv. and we haven't done the deed yet. Im a V and so is he, at least that's what he claims to be hehe but lately our desires for each other are so strong, we're teased to do more than kissing..ang hirap mag-pigil. I've been thinking if virginity is ever worth it, in these modern times? but i have a long way to think though. hindi ko muna iniisip mga yan, masakit sa ulo eh hehe
December 24, 2009 at 05:58 pm report abuse -
5. my guy and i are two months short for an anniv. and we haven't done the deed yet. Im a V and so is he, at least that's what he claims to be hehe but lately our desires for each other are so strong, we're teased to do more than kissing..ang hirap mag-abstain. I've been thinking if virginity is ever worth it, in these modern times? but i have a long way to think though. hindi ko muna iniisip mga yan, masakit sa ulo eh hehe
December 24, 2009 at 05:57 pm report abuse -
4. I totally agree with this quote in this article: “Once you sleep with a man, you suspend judgment because you want to make it work,”. I think that I fall for the wrong guy and since we had Sex on the second date, I tried to make our relationship work and it's not getting productive and I can't spell the word FUN anymore when I'm with him. I got depressed and emotional when we broke up especially if my officemates are talking about Sex. I regret having Sex with him, that quick. He's good but I think I shoud've waited.
December 24, 2009 at 06:55 am report abuse -
3. this is so true,so that I will be spared from all the heartaches and trouble if feeling trapped in a relationship that s solely based on physical connection, I have to make it a PERK instead of a prerequisite of a serious relationship
December 23, 2009 at 10:42 am report abuse -
2. I make sure I know the guy well and I have feelings for him before I get in the sack with him. This way you won't regret anything.
December 23, 2009 at 10:36 am report abuse -
1. now a days, having sex is normal, i mean, di na sya big deal kung magkaroon ka ng intercourse to your opposite sex, as long as your responsible and matured enough to handle atleast no regrets diba.
December 22, 2009 at 02:07 pm report abuse
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