RELATIONSHIPS
5 Ways To Kiss And Make Up After A Couple Fight
Did you encounter a major bump in the relationship? Cosmo gives you tips on restoring the peace effectively.
Posted on December 9, 2009 07:00 am by Leslie Lee
Photo: Pat Dy
Posted on December 9, 2009 07:00 am by Leslie Lee
Photo: Pat Dy
Tricia, 28, emphatically complains to her amigas, “I hate him! There is absolutely no use reasoning with Dan! He doesn’t understand how I feel!” She sighs, “It seems like we can’t resolve anything at all. We just can’t see eye-to-eye.”
Familiar scenario? Let’s face it: Every couple fights. The reason could range from something as petty as what dish to order for dinner to something more serious like a third party in your relationship--heck, it can even blow to national scandal proportions. Fact is, couples do and will clash. No two people are alike, as they say, so differences in opinion will lead to conflicts. “Men evolved with a completely different job description,” say Allan and Barbara Pease, authors of Why Men Lie and Women Cry. “The concept of focusing on a relationship is not a natural part of the male psyche, thinking or scale of priorities.”
But who wants to fight all the time? Cosmo comes to the rescue and gives you handy hints on how to increase couple communication and hopefully lead to a congenial, cordial kiss-and-make-up between you and your honey. Heck, if even Manny and Jinkee Pacquiao can try and patch things up, surely you can!
1. Stop. Look. Listen.
Before completely exploding at your man (as most femmes are wont to do), take a step back and look at the situation—or problem—from a different, more objective POV. This has been echoed in countless self-help books, and Cosmo agrees. Robert Bramson, who penned Coping with Difficult People, advises, “Assess the situation.” Sometimes, we become so enmeshed in our irritation over the seeming helplessness and inability of our guy to comprehend where our issues are stemming from, that we fail to take on things from his own angle.
Just as careful drivers follow the “Stop, look, listen” sign, so should you if you’ve reached an impasse with your guy. Go do some objective tango on your own first and check if what’s happening “is temporarily bringing out the worst in an ordinarily non-difficult person,” Bramson notes. Is this issue something that you’ve been constantly arguing about since time immemorial? Or is this something completely new? Take a moment to ponder, and try out this exercise: Jot down your feelings on a piece of paper (with this, be as free-flowing as you want!) and pour out your thoughts, bad feelings, and anxieties in a no-holds-barred manner. Leave it for a few hours—or days, if you like—then go back and read it again once your negative feelings have settled down. This way, you’ll have an easier time thinking things through.
“A wise friend advised me to do the same thing,” shares Melanie, a 26-year-old bank teller. “I’ve read about it in some self-help books but I never really believed it would work until my friend told me. I thought it might help, and it did! After venting out my feelings on paper, I reviewed it and realized that some of my feelings were selfish. So when I talked to my boyfriend, I was cool-headed na.”
By learning to stop, look, and listen, you’ll feel calmer and more composed once you’re ready to approach your guy. And by imbibing that kind of demeanor you when you sit down to talk to him, your guy won’t go into defensive-aggressive mode, either.
2. Formulate Your Plan Of Action
Since you are the girlfriend, you obviously know your guy best. Despite the thousands of nuggets of wisdom you’ll be getting from friends left and right, you know which tactic or approach will work best to reach that mutual understanding between you and him. John Gray, author of Mars and Venus on a Date, suggests what he calls “planned intimacy.” This can connote a lot of things, but mostly, it refers to pigeonhole-ing a schedule or a particular setting where the “purpose is for a man to listen to his partner’s feelings and understand her needs.”
The place could be your favorite restaurant (take note that it should have a quiet, chilled out ambiance unlike that of a crowded bistro or bar), a place in a park, or some nearby out-of-town place like Tagaytay where you can really address the issue and even let loose a few tears (if you’re the emotional type) without the risk of public humiliation. Make sure that the place isn’t riddled with distractions, just to ensure that your guy will give you his complete attention. Gray writes that men naturally have “tunnel vision,” so if a woman “persists in communicating, she can help a man become aware of the relationship problems that his tunnel vision prevents him from seeing.”
Read the next of Tip #2 on the next page.
Familiar scenario? Let’s face it: Every couple fights. The reason could range from something as petty as what dish to order for dinner to something more serious like a third party in your relationship--heck, it can even blow to national scandal proportions. Fact is, couples do and will clash. No two people are alike, as they say, so differences in opinion will lead to conflicts. “Men evolved with a completely different job description,” say Allan and Barbara Pease, authors of Why Men Lie and Women Cry. “The concept of focusing on a relationship is not a natural part of the male psyche, thinking or scale of priorities.”
But who wants to fight all the time? Cosmo comes to the rescue and gives you handy hints on how to increase couple communication and hopefully lead to a congenial, cordial kiss-and-make-up between you and your honey. Heck, if even Manny and Jinkee Pacquiao can try and patch things up, surely you can!
1. Stop. Look. Listen.
Before completely exploding at your man (as most femmes are wont to do), take a step back and look at the situation—or problem—from a different, more objective POV. This has been echoed in countless self-help books, and Cosmo agrees. Robert Bramson, who penned Coping with Difficult People, advises, “Assess the situation.” Sometimes, we become so enmeshed in our irritation over the seeming helplessness and inability of our guy to comprehend where our issues are stemming from, that we fail to take on things from his own angle.
Just as careful drivers follow the “Stop, look, listen” sign, so should you if you’ve reached an impasse with your guy. Go do some objective tango on your own first and check if what’s happening “is temporarily bringing out the worst in an ordinarily non-difficult person,” Bramson notes. Is this issue something that you’ve been constantly arguing about since time immemorial? Or is this something completely new? Take a moment to ponder, and try out this exercise: Jot down your feelings on a piece of paper (with this, be as free-flowing as you want!) and pour out your thoughts, bad feelings, and anxieties in a no-holds-barred manner. Leave it for a few hours—or days, if you like—then go back and read it again once your negative feelings have settled down. This way, you’ll have an easier time thinking things through.
“A wise friend advised me to do the same thing,” shares Melanie, a 26-year-old bank teller. “I’ve read about it in some self-help books but I never really believed it would work until my friend told me. I thought it might help, and it did! After venting out my feelings on paper, I reviewed it and realized that some of my feelings were selfish. So when I talked to my boyfriend, I was cool-headed na.”
By learning to stop, look, and listen, you’ll feel calmer and more composed once you’re ready to approach your guy. And by imbibing that kind of demeanor you when you sit down to talk to him, your guy won’t go into defensive-aggressive mode, either.
2. Formulate Your Plan Of Action
Since you are the girlfriend, you obviously know your guy best. Despite the thousands of nuggets of wisdom you’ll be getting from friends left and right, you know which tactic or approach will work best to reach that mutual understanding between you and him. John Gray, author of Mars and Venus on a Date, suggests what he calls “planned intimacy.” This can connote a lot of things, but mostly, it refers to pigeonhole-ing a schedule or a particular setting where the “purpose is for a man to listen to his partner’s feelings and understand her needs.”
The place could be your favorite restaurant (take note that it should have a quiet, chilled out ambiance unlike that of a crowded bistro or bar), a place in a park, or some nearby out-of-town place like Tagaytay where you can really address the issue and even let loose a few tears (if you’re the emotional type) without the risk of public humiliation. Make sure that the place isn’t riddled with distractions, just to ensure that your guy will give you his complete attention. Gray writes that men naturally have “tunnel vision,” so if a woman “persists in communicating, she can help a man become aware of the relationship problems that his tunnel vision prevents him from seeing.”
Read the next of Tip #2 on the next page.
Tags: relationship,boyfriend,girlfriend,love,Jinkee Pacquiao,Manny Pacquiao,couples,love advice,Krista Ranillo,fighting,love problems,relationship advice,kiss and make up,reconciliation,compromise,relationship needs
69 Comments
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69. We exchange jokes. or if he is watching TV and Im watching Youtube, I'll search for a vid the will make him laugh and he too will do the same :)
July 03, 2010 at 09:47 pm report abuse -
68. i love to kiss and makeup.hehe
May 15, 2010 at 04:27 pm report abuse -
67. i hug him para madestress. its much better to talk din..
April 27, 2010 at 02:15 pm report abuse -
66. thanks for that tips..me if i have figth with my hubby and were in bed already and in the midle of the nigth i feel want to cuddle him and thats its peace again..so good to be in love
March 29, 2010 at 07:21 am report abuse -
65. be sincere with your action towards him.
March 22, 2010 at 07:57 am report abuse -
64. give your guy an unforgettable kiss and hug.
March 22, 2010 at 07:57 am report abuse -
63. ..minsa diko na to maalala lao na pga galit na galit e
March 15, 2010 at 01:25 pm report abuse -
62. REALLY listen!
March 12, 2010 at 12:06 pm report abuse -
61. i know these pointers are all correct except that i tend to forget these when i'm furious na. haha!
March 12, 2010 at 05:45 am report abuse -
60. for me, the best thing to do is stop being nagger (for the girls), kasi ako, based on my experience, pinarangka ako ng bf ko, ayaw daw nya ng ganun. But since love daw nya ako, hindi na lang xa nakibo. Pag okay na ako, ihuhug na lang nya ako and ikikiss. hehehe... lucky to have him..
March 11, 2010 at 09:19 pm report abuse -
59. Kiss and make up is so sweet most especially if lovers are so inlove with each other.
March 06, 2010 at 11:07 pm report abuse -
jessicaivler58. so true....but sometimes you just forget about these things and blow off though...haha!
February 13, 2010 at 09:07 pm report abuse -
57. fighting is healthy..too much of it is toxic..
February 10, 2010 at 12:00 pm report abuse -
56. sex is great after a great fight..intense! :P
February 10, 2010 at 10:48 am report abuse -
55. masarap ang sex after tampuhan o awayan..nakakagigil hahahaha
February 10, 2010 at 10:43 am report abuse -
54. magaling ako dito
February 10, 2010 at 10:43 am report abuse -
53. recall why you fell in love with him in the first place. - the sweetest moment whenever we fight.
February 09, 2010 at 08:44 pm report abuse -
52. recall why you fell in love with him in the first place. - the sweetest moment whenever we fight.
February 09, 2010 at 08:36 pm report abuse -
51. C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E. amen.
February 09, 2010 at 08:36 pm report abuse -
50. Talk Is Not Cheap - after the anger subside, we make sure we talk about how the things went wrong.
February 09, 2010 at 08:35 pm report abuse -
49. Formulate Your Plan Of Action - think a thousand times.
February 09, 2010 at 08:34 pm report abuse -
48. Stop. Look. Listen. - i sometimes forgot this golden rule.
February 09, 2010 at 08:34 pm report abuse -
47. Sometimes no matter how much you think you know your bf it turns out that you don't really know him.
February 09, 2010 at 08:43 am report abuse -
46. resentment means massive explosion of feelings in the end.. if you're feeling it, tell him then.
February 07, 2010 at 11:16 pm report abuse -
45. Don't bring up the past if you're in a fight with your significant other.
February 07, 2010 at 04:32 pm report abuse -
44. couples must openly communicate any issue that affects them. wag nila ipunin kasi baka mag build ang resentment. and since nobody is ever the same, kelangan talaga ang compromise sa reationships
February 06, 2010 at 06:30 pm report abuse -
43. for me it's better to argue while you're at it rather than calming down before you burst out your feelings. for me, in this way feelings are more real more...i don't know the term..let's say, more authentic.
February 03, 2010 at 03:20 pm report abuse -
42. i love the way me and my husband fight.. then kiss and make up..
February 02, 2010 at 09:05 pm report abuse -
hanna christina fulleros41. Just listen to what he has to say. communication is important in a relationship
February 01, 2010 at 02:54 pm report abuse -
40. be open to ur opinions and its important tht u tlk thing ovr,compromise and learn fr it.
February 01, 2010 at 03:10 am report abuse -
39. cool down after the fight then talk. It's better to talk when you're both calm, shouting at each other will only make it worse.
February 01, 2010 at 12:25 am report abuse -
38. Couples should not hold grudges. Past is past. You can't do anything about it.Talk about the issue and patch things up.
January 31, 2010 at 04:57 pm report abuse -
37. communication is the best thing to solve any problems of both parties
January 30, 2010 at 04:43 pm report abuse -
36. The Man's and Woman's needs are applicable to both sexes. A woman needs to be appreciated, accepted and trusted too. A man needs to be care for, understood and respected as well.
January 30, 2010 at 12:26 am report abuse -
35. Sometimes too much talk ruins the relationship.
January 30, 2010 at 12:24 am report abuse -
34. MAN’S NEEDS: a. To be loved b. To be accepted c. To be appreciated d. To be trusted -- noted. even when i'm in a 6 yr relationship, i sometimes still dont get my guy.
January 28, 2010 at 09:13 am report abuse -
33. give and take is the key to any relationship.
January 26, 2010 at 10:55 pm report abuse -
32. kailangan lang talaga kapag mainit ang ulo nung isa, malamig yung isa. dapat hindi maksabay
January 26, 2010 at 09:22 pm report abuse -
31. very helpful. thank you for this
January 26, 2010 at 07:20 pm report abuse -
30. Communication is the key. Both parties should have the chance to speak up and then Compromise.
January 26, 2010 at 10:37 am report abuse -
29. stop, look, and listen. and compromise really works..
January 25, 2010 at 08:38 pm report abuse -
28. i really like this article. especially # 4.. the compromise .. uh have to be balance both. un fair kapag isa lang talaga gumagawa.
January 25, 2010 at 03:38 pm report abuse -
27. I agree that compromise is an entirely different thing from sacrifice...and that's what both couples should understand and respect.
January 25, 2010 at 12:39 pm report abuse -
26. i so love this article.. especially the live and let live part. you both have different interests before you became a couple, so let him be who he really is..
January 24, 2010 at 10:15 pm report abuse -
25. hay salamat sa tips. need it so badly.
January 24, 2010 at 12:54 am report abuse -
24. This article rocks! It's just what every 'taken' girl needs. Compromise is the key to a lasting relationship especially when you're married. You need to come up with a win-win solution para happy kayo pareho. =)
January 24, 2010 at 12:40 am report abuse -
23. really really handy. thanks cosmo. maybe when we know all these, there will be no fight in the first place.
January 23, 2010 at 11:07 pm report abuse -
22. ang galing. i will follow all your tips!
January 22, 2010 at 10:30 am report abuse -
21. It's better to be objective rather than subjective at times of crisis with your bf.
January 22, 2010 at 09:38 am report abuse -
20. Men are difficult to understand but I do think we're more complex to understand so compromise lang usually between my guy. Must willing to listen/understand each other kahit na minsan mahirap
January 22, 2010 at 07:52 am report abuse -
19. im a married woman and believe me, sometimes you'll get to a situation na sobrang complicated that giving up is an option. but then again, kung walang away, walang spice and buhay. good thing marunong makipag compromise and husband ko kaya kahit anong problem nalalagpasan namen and ofcourse we put God in our hearts to guide us.
January 22, 2010 at 02:27 am report abuse -
18. ako naman ang paulit ulit minsan!! hehehe! hirap din ang sharp yun memory mo. naalala ko un mga past na issues tapos hindi pa na close, kaya un ulit ng ulit talaga! pero love ko pa rin siya, kasi kahit i bring back the issues, di siya nag sasawa na i understand ako.. that is why i love him so much panget ko! hehehe!
January 21, 2010 at 04:42 pm report abuse -
17. paulit-ulit na kasi minsan.... nakakadala but still i'm with him.....understanding our situation.
January 19, 2010 at 05:59 pm report abuse -
16. paulit-ulit na minsan.... nakakadala but still i'm with him.....understand our situation.
January 19, 2010 at 05:58 pm report abuse -
15. I'll try to live by this article. I'll just shut up if I'm angry ang hirap naman ata nun.
January 13, 2010 at 04:30 pm report abuse -
cute_face1414. hai..minsan kainis.minsan naman happy ewan ko..bahala na si batman!!
January 11, 2010 at 06:37 pm report abuse -
13. Men are just difficult to understand.
January 09, 2010 at 10:04 am report abuse -
12. Men are just difficult to understand.
January 09, 2010 at 10:04 am report abuse -
11. Correct, when you're angry you say a lot of bad things... Shut up!
January 08, 2010 at 10:31 am report abuse -
10. hahaha!! whenever we talk, i always end up saying things i don't mean, thus, hurting him more. *sigh but thanks to this article.. i will try to get hold of my tongue.
January 02, 2010 at 02:04 pm report abuse -
9. Just be cool and relax girl. Don't take "fights" too seriously...just laugh it off..but ofcourse, talk about it too. But less drama, the better. ;-) Sayang ang life! Peace rules.
December 31, 2009 at 09:17 am report abuse -
8. Ayos! sarap ng feeling pag nagkabati na!
December 29, 2009 at 12:18 pm report abuse -
7. hindi dapat magpadala sa emotions kaagad kasi baka you'll regret the things that you've said to him later.
December 27, 2009 at 11:12 am report abuse -
6. my boyfriends make loves with me after a fight and i hate it
December 26, 2009 at 04:47 pm report abuse -
5. just be careful of the words you say...its a lot painful
December 24, 2009 at 12:24 am report abuse -
4. it is not easy to do all of these when you are still furiousbut it is something to consider if you really want to be ok soon
December 23, 2009 at 10:46 am report abuse -
3. Another must read! :) i like most of the post here in cosmo.
December 22, 2009 at 12:10 pm report abuse -
2. communication is the key... an interesting topic..
December 22, 2009 at 07:11 am report abuse -
1. thanks! this is really interesting.
December 09, 2009 at 05:00 pm report abuse
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