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4. Compromise

Once you’ve talked it through, convince your man that both of you need to reach a resolution to avoid going through the same argument in the next era of your life as a couple. And with that, it spells out C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E.

Gray says that “men and women see the world differently,” yet don’t lose hope, because there’s always going to be a happy medium that will make both of you, well, happy. But how can this balance be reached?

“To find balance, a person needs to understand, accept, appreciate, and respect both sides of himself or herself, feminine or masculine,” Gray adds.

Girls have both masculine and feminine sides (remember the X and Y chromosomes?). But don’t let yourself do all the work—that’s not considered compromise, that’s sacrifice! If you’ve followed tip number three, then you and your honey have both reached that stage where you can discuss and agree on the next step.

Julie and Carlo’s relationship took a major turn for the better when they decided to have a “negotiation” of sorts. “Carlo hated the fact that I loved to go out and gimik. He’s the square-ish type who’s also a homebody and feels more comfortable at home. I tried not to let that bother me but when he blew up at me for going out five straight nights in a row, I also got mad. But when we both calmed down, however, we agreed to compromise. He’d go out with me at least once a week, and I’d limit my other gimiks to twice a week. And since we really love each other, we both don’t feel that what we’re doing is such a huge sacrifice. In fact, the way I see it, it’s not even a sacrifice. It’s actually good for both of us—he gets to go out and experience his latent extrovert self, and I get to experience the joy of having quality time with my own self.”

The bottom line is love. And the willingness to adjust and make leeway for changes that will benefit both of you.

5. Live And Let Live

This means to “stop wishing they were different,” Bramson translates. Wake up from your Disney dream and face reality. You can’t expect him to change overnight, just as you yourself can’t morph into his Angelina Jolie ideal ASAP. It doesn’t mean lowering your expectations, but accepting him for who he is.

“When Tim and I got together, we were both working in the same company, so I didn’t mind waiting up for him when he was working overtime,” Mary, 28, a banking officer, shares. “But when I moved to a different company, I learned how difficult it was to be able to get quality time with him. He was just too much into his work! Then I remembered why I fell in love with him. His ambition attracted me to him, and his drive was one of the qualities I really admired in him. I finally talked to him and told him about my feelings—and the good thing is, he listened. We’re fine now—he’s making an effort to see me more often, and I’ve stopped being the clingy girlfriend who’d always demand that he spend his free time with me.”

Once you start resenting your man for his so-called flaws, juggle your memory and recall why you fell in love with him in the first place. You’ll discover that the thing you hate most about him right now is actually the reason—or one of the reasons—you started liking him. Bramson adds, “Blaming isn’t changing.” So you have to cope with how your man is, and he, in turn, has to do the same for you. If you stamp down on your control-freak tendencies and be honest with your man, you definitely won’t have any catastrophic problems when arguing amicably with him.

Tags: relationship,boyfriend,girlfriend,love,Jinkee Pacquiao,Manny Pacquiao,couples,love advice,Krista Ranillo,fighting,love problems,relationship advice,kiss and make up,reconciliation,compromise,relationship needs

69 Comments

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• 
  nameless.faceless
  69. We exchange jokes. or if he is watching TV and Im watching Youtube, I'll search for a vid the will make him laugh and he too will do the same :)
  July 03, 2010 at 09:47 pm report abuse
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  iamjaezel011409
  68. i love to kiss and makeup.hehe
  May 15, 2010 at 04:27 pm report abuse
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  angel_love_song
  67. i hug him para madestress. its much better to talk din..
  April 27, 2010 at 02:15 pm report abuse
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  Florida2630
  66. thanks for that tips..me if i have figth with my hubby and were in bed already and in the midle of the nigth i feel want to cuddle him and thats its peace again..so good to be in love
  March 29, 2010 at 07:21 am report abuse
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  lalabong
  65. be sincere with your action towards him.
  March 22, 2010 at 07:57 am report abuse
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  lalabong
  64. give your guy an unforgettable kiss and hug.
  March 22, 2010 at 07:57 am report abuse
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  candyhavs
  63. ..minsa diko na to maalala lao na pga galit na galit e
  March 15, 2010 at 01:25 pm report abuse
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  mary_ann_lei
  62. REALLY listen!
  March 12, 2010 at 12:06 pm report abuse
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  sassy_g21
  61. i know these pointers are all correct except that i tend to forget these when i'm furious na. haha!
  March 12, 2010 at 05:45 am report abuse
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  Ghaille26
  60. for me, the best thing to do is stop being nagger (for the girls), kasi ako, based on my experience, pinarangka ako ng bf ko, ayaw daw nya ng ganun. But since love daw nya ako, hindi na lang xa nakibo. Pag okay na ako, ihuhug na lang nya ako and ikikiss. hehehe... lucky to have him..
  March 11, 2010 at 09:19 pm report abuse
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  lalabong
  59. Kiss and make up is so sweet most especially if lovers are so inlove with each other.
  March 06, 2010 at 11:07 pm report abuse
• jessicaivler
  58. so true....but sometimes you just forget about these things and blow off though...haha!
  February 13, 2010 at 09:07 pm report abuse
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  tinnnnn076
  57. fighting is healthy..too much of it is toxic..
  February 10, 2010 at 12:00 pm report abuse
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  ecang12
  56. sex is great after a great fight..intense! :P
  February 10, 2010 at 10:48 am report abuse
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  milaniecandido
  55. masarap ang sex after tampuhan o awayan..nakakagigil hahahaha
  February 10, 2010 at 10:43 am report abuse
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  milaniecandido
  54. magaling ako dito
  February 10, 2010 at 10:43 am report abuse
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  miss_techylicious
  53. recall why you fell in love with him in the first place. - the sweetest moment whenever we fight.
  February 09, 2010 at 08:44 pm report abuse
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  miss_techylicious
  52. recall why you fell in love with him in the first place. - the sweetest moment whenever we fight.
  February 09, 2010 at 08:36 pm report abuse
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  miss_techylicious
  51. C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E. amen.
  February 09, 2010 at 08:36 pm report abuse
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  miss_techylicious
  50. Talk Is Not Cheap - after the anger subside, we make sure we talk about how the things went wrong.
  February 09, 2010 at 08:35 pm report abuse
• 
  miss_techylicious
  49. Formulate Your Plan Of Action - think a thousand times.
  February 09, 2010 at 08:34 pm report abuse
• 
  miss_techylicious
  48. Stop. Look. Listen. - i sometimes forgot this golden rule.
  February 09, 2010 at 08:34 pm report abuse
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  prettylass8831
  47. Sometimes no matter how much you think you know your bf it turns out that you don't really know him.
  February 09, 2010 at 08:43 am report abuse
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  tinnnnn076
  46. resentment means massive explosion of feelings in the end.. if you're feeling it, tell him then.
  February 07, 2010 at 11:16 pm report abuse
• 
  shirleylim26
  45. Don't bring up the past if you're in a fight with your significant other.
  February 07, 2010 at 04:32 pm report abuse
• 
  len9
  44. couples must openly communicate any issue that affects them. wag nila ipunin kasi baka mag build ang resentment. and since nobody is ever the same, kelangan talaga ang compromise sa reationships
  February 06, 2010 at 06:30 pm report abuse
• 
  tinnnnn076
  43. for me it's better to argue while you're at it rather than calming down before you burst out your feelings. for me, in this way feelings are more real more...i don't know the term..let's say, more authentic.
  February 03, 2010 at 03:20 pm report abuse
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  fishbowl84
  42. i love the way me and my husband fight.. then kiss and make up..
  February 02, 2010 at 09:05 pm report abuse
• hanna christina fulleros
  41. Just listen to what he has to say. communication is important in a relationship
  February 01, 2010 at 02:54 pm report abuse
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  summerinparis128
  40. be open to ur opinions and its important tht u tlk thing ovr,compromise and learn fr it.
  February 01, 2010 at 03:10 am report abuse
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  donnaportia
  39. cool down after the fight then talk. It's better to talk when you're both calm, shouting at each other will only make it worse.
  February 01, 2010 at 12:25 am report abuse
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  shirleylim26
  38. Couples should not hold grudges. Past is past. You can't do anything about it.Talk about the issue and patch things up.
  January 31, 2010 at 04:57 pm report abuse
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  hanna03
  37. communication is the best thing to solve any problems of both parties
  January 30, 2010 at 04:43 pm report abuse
• 
  tinnnnn076
  36. The Man's and Woman's needs are applicable to both sexes. A woman needs to be appreciated, accepted and trusted too. A man needs to be care for, understood and respected as well.
  January 30, 2010 at 12:26 am report abuse
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  tinnnnn076
  35. Sometimes too much talk ruins the relationship.
  January 30, 2010 at 12:24 am report abuse
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  miss_techylicious
  34. MAN’S NEEDS: a. To be loved b. To be accepted c. To be appreciated d. To be trusted -- noted. even when i'm in a 6 yr relationship, i sometimes still dont get my guy.
  January 28, 2010 at 09:13 am report abuse
• 
  joyfulmom
  33. give and take is the key to any relationship.
  January 26, 2010 at 10:55 pm report abuse
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  jongskie721
  32. kailangan lang talaga kapag mainit ang ulo nung isa, malamig yung isa. dapat hindi maksabay
  January 26, 2010 at 09:22 pm report abuse
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  reeya
  31. very helpful. thank you for this
  January 26, 2010 at 07:20 pm report abuse
• 
  Giell
  30. Communication is the key. Both parties should have the chance to speak up and then Compromise.
  January 26, 2010 at 10:37 am report abuse
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  prettyfairy
  29. stop, look, and listen. and compromise really works..
  January 25, 2010 at 08:38 pm report abuse
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  mamaii26
  28. i really like this article. especially # 4.. the compromise .. uh have to be balance both. un fair kapag isa lang talaga gumagawa.
  January 25, 2010 at 03:38 pm report abuse
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  eiram5576
  27. I agree that compromise is an entirely different thing from sacrifice...and that's what both couples should understand and respect.
  January 25, 2010 at 12:39 pm report abuse
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  rose17
  26. i so love this article.. especially the live and let live part. you both have different interests before you became a couple, so let him be who he really is..
  January 24, 2010 at 10:15 pm report abuse
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  reeya
  25. hay salamat sa tips. need it so badly.
  January 24, 2010 at 12:54 am report abuse
• 
  donnaportia
  24. This article rocks! It's just what every 'taken' girl needs. Compromise is the key to a lasting relationship especially when you're married. You need to come up with a win-win solution para happy kayo pareho. =)
  January 24, 2010 at 12:40 am report abuse
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  miss_techylicious
  23. really really handy. thanks cosmo. maybe when we know all these, there will be no fight in the first place.
  January 23, 2010 at 11:07 pm report abuse
• 
  jayn000
  22. ang galing. i will follow all your tips!
  January 22, 2010 at 10:30 am report abuse
• 
  prettylass8831
  21. It's better to be objective rather than subjective at times of crisis with your bf.
  January 22, 2010 at 09:38 am report abuse
• 
  rose17
  20. Men are difficult to understand but I do think we're more complex to understand so compromise lang usually between my guy. Must willing to listen/understand each other kahit na minsan mahirap
  January 22, 2010 at 07:52 am report abuse
• 
  butter-diner
  19. im a married woman and believe me, sometimes you'll get to a situation na sobrang complicated that giving up is an option. but then again, kung walang away, walang spice and buhay. good thing marunong makipag compromise and husband ko kaya kahit anong problem nalalagpasan namen and ofcourse we put God in our hearts to guide us.
  January 22, 2010 at 02:27 am report abuse
• 
  anne_perez2004
  18. ako naman ang paulit ulit minsan!! hehehe! hirap din ang sharp yun memory mo. naalala ko un mga past na issues tapos hindi pa na close, kaya un ulit ng ulit talaga! pero love ko pa rin siya, kasi kahit i bring back the issues, di siya nag sasawa na i understand ako.. that is why i love him so much panget ko! hehehe!
  January 21, 2010 at 04:42 pm report abuse
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  lanzpacute
  17. paulit-ulit na kasi minsan.... nakakadala but still i'm with him.....understanding our situation.
  January 19, 2010 at 05:59 pm report abuse
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  lanzpacute
  16. paulit-ulit na minsan.... nakakadala but still i'm with him.....understand our situation.
  January 19, 2010 at 05:58 pm report abuse
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  mutyamoi
  15. I'll try to live by this article. I'll just shut up if I'm angry ang hirap naman ata nun.
  January 13, 2010 at 04:30 pm report abuse
• cute_face14
  14. hai..minsan kainis.minsan naman happy ewan ko..bahala na si batman!!
  January 11, 2010 at 06:37 pm report abuse
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  prettylass8831
  13. Men are just difficult to understand.
  January 09, 2010 at 10:04 am report abuse
• 
  prettylass8831
  12. Men are just difficult to understand.
  January 09, 2010 at 10:04 am report abuse
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  jhe_1212
  11. Correct, when you're angry you say a lot of bad things... Shut up!
  January 08, 2010 at 10:31 am report abuse
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  ynahjie
  10. hahaha!! whenever we talk, i always end up saying things i don't mean, thus, hurting him more. *sigh but thanks to this article.. i will try to get hold of my tongue.
  January 02, 2010 at 02:04 pm report abuse
• 
  Caramel
  9. Just be cool and relax girl. Don't take "fights" too seriously...just laugh it off..but ofcourse, talk about it too. But less drama, the better. ;-) Sayang ang life! Peace rules.
  December 31, 2009 at 09:17 am report abuse
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  wiez08
  8. Ayos! sarap ng feeling pag nagkabati na!
  December 29, 2009 at 12:18 pm report abuse
• 
  xannebull
  7. hindi dapat magpadala sa emotions kaagad kasi baka you'll regret the things that you've said to him later.
  December 27, 2009 at 11:12 am report abuse
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  alizey
  6. my boyfriends make loves with me after a fight and i hate it
  December 26, 2009 at 04:47 pm report abuse
• 
  casebats
  5. just be careful of the words you say...its a lot painful
  December 24, 2009 at 12:24 am report abuse
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  its.joyz
  4. it is not easy to do all of these when you are still furiousbut it is something to consider if you really want to be ok soon
  December 23, 2009 at 10:46 am report abuse
• 
  Sweetymary
  3. Another must read! :) i like most of the post here in cosmo.
  December 22, 2009 at 12:10 pm report abuse
• 
  casebats
  2. communication is the key... an interesting topic..
  December 22, 2009 at 07:11 am report abuse
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  mashpotato04
  1. thanks! this is really interesting.
  December 09, 2009 at 05:00 pm report abuse

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