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Love & Lust > Relationships

Check Out Other Guys, Don't Text, Love Your Ex--NEW Love Rules That Work!


Posted on August 4, 2009 12:00 am by Beth Whiffren, US Writer
Photo: Tamara Schlesinger
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relationshiprulesyoushouldignore_main.jpgRule 5: You need to deep-six your exes.

Why you should break it: There’s no reason to cut off contact with someone you genuinely care about. Just because it didn’t work out romantically between the two of you doesn’t mean you have to wind up hating each other. “You date someone who has qualities that you appreciate and enjoy,” says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Everything You Know About Love and Sex Is Wrong. “Even if you didn’t succeed as a couple, you might still like each other as friends.”

However, there are certain codes of behavior that you need to respect. First, keep the camaraderie casual. “Make a conscious effort to refrain from doing anything that would make your current boyfriend feel threatened or jealous,” says Rhoades. In other words, it’s okay to meet your ex for a quick cup of coffee; it’s not okay to get together for an hours-long romantic dinner.

Secondly, make sure it’s clear to your new man that you no longer have any romantic feelings for your ex. One way to do that: Have a threesome…in the platonic sense. Instead of getting together with your old beau solo, invite your boyfriend along once in a while. “The fact that you’re including him shows that you and your ex really are just friends and have nothing to hide,” says Rhoades. They might even like each other. But even if they don’t become buds, at least you will have averted any potential problems.

Just remember, keeping ties with old lovers works both ways. If you want to maintain relationships with your exes, you have to be understanding if your current guy wants to do the same.
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Tags: dating,relationship,boyfriend,girlfriend,relationship rules,love laws

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