How Your Honey Acts When You're Away

Even if you spend most of your waking moments (and the sleeping ones, too) with your guy, he still keeps some sides of himself secret-as in locked-in-a-vault secret. Truth be told, your ass-kicking alpha male may have done some serious ass-kissing to get ahead at work. Or, perhaps he lets himself go-really go-when you’re MIA. Here’s what dudes overshared about the misdeeds committed when you’re not present to witness them.

The Topic: When He’s At Home Alone

• “That’s when I take out the razor and trim all the parts she thinks are just naturally less hairy. I call it buzzing the three Bs: butt, back, and balls. I’m like a contortionist, trying to reach all those places.” - Ton, 27, entrepreneur


• “I laugh when she hogs the mirror, staring at her ass or scrutinizing invisible flaws she thinks she sees. But when she’s gone, I’m just as vain, checking myself out from head to toe to make sure everything still looks good.” - Kevin, 28, assistant creative director


• “If you want to know what your guy does when you’re not there, just picture everything he does that annoys you and multiply that by 10-like drinking straight from the ref bottle, using God-knows-what as a towel, or my personal habit of watching two sport games at once.” - Dondon, 29, sales associate


• “I immediately start farting. The moment she steps out, it’s like my body wants to announce to the rest of the world that she’s gone.” - Kiko, 23, management trainee


• “I chat with my mom more than I’d ever admit to my girlfriend-sometimes for up to an hour a day, just to see what’s going on.” - Jong, 24, assistant manager

The Topic: When Other Women Hit On Him

• “When a chick hits on me, I use my own version of the distance rule: If my girlfriend’s less than 100 miles away, I’m taken. If she’s more than 100 miles away, I’m taking that girl for drinks.” - Bojo, 27, events coordinator


• “Whenever I go out, my girlfriend asks if I met a girl. If I say no, she thinks I’m lying. If I say yes but that the girl wasn’t pretty, she still thinks I’m lying. Now I tell her yes, then pick someone she thinks she’s prettier than-an ugly coworker, a plain-faced friend, etc.-and say the girl looked like her. That lets her size up the unseen competition so she thinks she’s still the better catch.” - Miko, 23, chef


• “If I find a spot where I flirt with someone—some cafe, bar, whatever—I tell my girlfriend I had really bad service there and am never going back. That way, I don’t have to worry about her wanting us to go there together. And when I’m on my own, it’s business as usual, minus the third wheel.” - Alan, 24, banker

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• Should You Still Call Your Ex?

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