Please note that this article is about sex between two people who both want, enjoy, and openly consent to rough sex play. Always confirm consent before engaging in rough sex (or any sex at all for that matter). Yes means yes.
1. You're always getting rug burn from impromptu floor sex.
You and your partner bang everywhere and anywhere with no regard for your own safety. You wind up wearing jeans way too often in the summer just because of this.
2. You always have to wash your sheets immediately after sex.
You sweat more during sex than you do at the gym, not to mention the other fluids going everywhere with wild abandon. You might as well have thrown your bed sheets into a river.
3. Spanking is great until you have to spend eight hours in an office chair the next day.
Things that turn you on in the moment wind up being terrible ideas pretty much immediately after sex.
4. Not having a headboard.
Headboards seem totally useless until you get into rough sex and realize they are a vital piece of every bedroom.
5. Hot wax is never as sexy as advertised.
You've gotten really adventurous in the heat of the moment, including the time things got heated in your moment, if you know what I mean. I mean you burned your genitals with hot wax.
6. You've accidentally hit each other in the face during sex.
You're forcefully pinning each other down and going at it when one of you catches the other one in the nose with your elbow. You apologize profusely, then both finish. Champions.
7. You need to wait until your neighbors are out of town to really have sex.
Otherwise they file a noise complaint. Which has happened before…
8. In the shower you notice that you look less like you just got done banging and more like you barely won a fight against a wolverine.
Scratch and bite marks everywhere.
9. There's never a good time to get a bikini wax.
You're a little sore from last night's sex romp, or you're preparing for this weekend's sex romp. Either way, it's not the time to make your vagina feel vulnerable.
10. There's nothing sexy about pulling a muscle or getting a butt cramp.
Oh! Oh! Oh. Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow. Massage time.
11. Like, how hard is OK to hit though?
I know you're saying harder, but I think maybe no? Or... how about a nice squeeze?
12. When your handcuffs break mid-sex.
Why are sex handcuffs all so cheaply made? Oh, probably because real handcuffs hurt like hell. But still!
13. When you finally see yourself in a mirror after being blindfolded and realize you look like Avril Lavigne.
Mascara, what hath thou wrought?!
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.