1. “My ex wants to meet up for coffee.”
What we think: Seriously?! What else does she want to meet you for? Another round of make-up sex? Unless you end your sentences with “...was the worst girlfriend ever,” we don’t want to hear about you talking about your ex. Not. At. All. And we’d prefer that you don’t meet her for coffee or otherwise. Coffee is such a lame excuse, really.
2. “Traffic, hon.”
What we think: At 6a.m.? Talaga lang ha? We know EDSA traffic is a bitch, but we can detect when you're already overusing this excuse. And FYI, according to our ~*~really informal*~* survey, eight out of 10 guys we asked said cheaters almost always use this excuse if they’re still with Girl #2 and on their way to meet up with The Legit Girlfriend or vice versa. Yes, we’re on to you!
3. “You’re getting another pair of shoes? Don’t you already have the same red pair?”
What we think: You really don’t have a clue, don’t you? There’s a difference between red stilettos and red wedges! And no, they’re not the same shade of red. One is crimson, and the other is apple red. Now, go sit by the corner and wait for us to finish shopping.
4. “Saan tayo kakain?”
What we think: You don’t like it when we choose a place that serves only gulay and no meat, anyway. If you want to eat at the new burger joint at ATC, then just tell us!
5. While checking out a girl: “You’d look hot in that dress, babe.”
What we think: We get this as your pa-simpleng “that girl is hot.” We know what you're doing, so it's better not to say anything. And if you really want to see us in something you find sexy? Don't associate the item with another girl. DUH.
6. “Huh? Which girl?”
What we think: Feigning innocence ain't your style. Hindi bagay! Now, you have more explaining to do.
7. “Can we not use a condom this time?”
What we think: Can we just not have sex then? No condom, no sex. Deal? Deal.
8. “Ayos lang.”
What we think: When we ask you questions that require an explanation, please don’t give us an “ayos lang” answer. Because, what the eff is that supposed to mean? Be straightforward—we find it sexy when you tell us what’s on your mind.