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9 Lies You've Been Told About Penises

Bigger feet really only mean bigger shoes.
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1. That you should be checking out the size of his Nikes before unzipping his pants.

The whole "you know what they say about big feet?!?!?!!?" thing is pure folklore. A study from 2002 looked into this and found no significant correlation between a guy's foot size and penis size. So stop staring floor next time you're out at the bar—nothing of interest to see down there, unless you're into guy shoes.


2. That his drunken lack of boner means he's totally over you and thinks you're a slovenly troll monster.

Whiskey dick is not to be taken personally—a real-live man even said so himself. Alcohol might make you feel ~fun, flirty, and cool~ but it's technically a depressant, and depressants aren't necessarily the best at making things (in this case: penises) go and stay up, as studies have shown. 

3. That he will literally die and his dick will rip off at the seams if he doesn't have an orgasm every single time.

Guys who tell you, "I'm sorry but if I don't come, my dick's gonna hurt for days" are straight up lying to you. Yes, blue balls are a real medical thing, but they are not life-threatening, and they will not leave this man gripping his crotch in anguish all weekend. Don't fall for this lie! 

4. That there's an actual bone in that boner, and if you don't play nice with it, you'll  break it in half like a bunch of raw spaghetti.

It is possible to break a penis (penile fracture is super rare, only 1,600 cases have been reported worldwide since 1924) but to be totally clear: It's 100 percent not the same as breaking an arm or a leg. According to Go Ask Alice, a penile fracture happens when an erect penis is rammed against a hard surface with a lot of force, and the thing that "breaks" and causes an audible cracking sound is actually a thick, rigid membrane that surrounds the spongy tissue that gets hard when it fills with blood (a boner). Again, this is super rare, but if you suspect you've got a broken penis on your hands, you should seek medical attention immediately. 


5. That his semen is a magical healing potion that will solve your problems and promote weight loss, and therefore you should swallow it like it's good vitamins.

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I've made it perfectly clear that swallowing is bad, but if a man ever tells you some lie like "swallowing makes you lose weight," leave him high and (literally) dry. There are negligible amounts of nutrients in semen, and you can easily get them elsewhere (like in food that actually tastes good). 

6. That a big dick is the best dick and if you don't like it, your vagina is just too small.

For some reason, penis size means a whole lot to men (arguably more than it does to women) and if you happen to wind up with someone who's generously endowed, you might find that they're incredibly precious about how you should handle this extra limb. There are plenty of men with smaller penises (the average length in the US, by the way, is 5.17 inches) who love their small penises. And there are plenty of women who love having sex with smaller men. Sometimes sex with a large penis can be painful, and that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. Size doesn't matter. 

7. That he can't feel anything when he's wearing a condom and that makes sex no fun and wahhhhhh, why can't we just ditch the condom and raw dog it, babe?

LOL, no. No! A man who thinks this will work on you is an idiot, because we've all heard this before, and I'm sorry, but the benefits offered by a condom far outweigh this easily fixable problem. If a guy you're with is complaining about sex not being any good when he's wearing a condom, maybe suggest thinner condoms. He might also be buying the wrong size—if the condom is too tight, it's cutting off circulation, and that can cause a lack of feeling. 

8. That he can feel your IUD poking his penis head.

If you have an IUD and warn a man about it before sex (as is polite), then you've probably experienced the empty complaints that he can feel your IUD up in there. He cannot feel your IUD. That thing is literally inside of your uterus, tucked away behind your cervix, and if he was feeling the actual thing, he would be pumping into your womb. Not only would that be incredibly painful, but also, no. He can't get up there. If anything, he's feeling the strings, but those puppies are soft. If he complains that your IUD is a hindrance upon his penis, just slap him with that 99.9 percent effectiveness rate. 

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9. That it should be totally straight, and if it's curved like a fleshy banana, there's something wrong with him.

Unless his penis is dramatically curved when he's hard and he has reason to believe he might have Peyronie's disease (a pretty uncommon disorder that affects about 9 percent of the male population, and is most common among 50- to 60-year-olds), his slightly unstraight penis is totally fine. A lot of guys (like Enrique Iglesias) have a lil curve going on. 

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.