1. You don’t invite them out to brunch unless they’re also seeing someone, so you can double date.
In fact, all the social gatherings you organize now magically only involve other couples, or mostly couples and one single friend. And that friend has to have a pretty strong sense of self to hear six duos talk about how great consistent sex is and not feel a little bit bad—partially from the relentless societal pressure to pair up, partially from sheer nausea.
2. Or you only hang out one-on-one when your S.O. is busy, and you make that fact obvious.
If you preface “wanna hang out?” with “[S.O.] is having boys’ night :(,” consider maybe not? It not only makes your friend feel like they’re just a placeholder for someone you can take blurry couple nature selfies with; it also makes you seem weirdly incapable of setting a night aside for anyone else. Bae is great, but if you can’t appreciate a candlelit cheese tasting and a little too much wine with your best friend, you are not truly living.
3. Worst of all: You bring your S.O. everywhere.
Your closest friend is going through her own crisis and thought it’d just be you two meeting up to talk it out, except LOL, nope! You brought Miguel, who she doesn’t know very well and is therefore limited to only talking about the new Star Wars or craft breweries or whatever Miguel even likes. It’s a simple concept: Find time for just your friends, where you can vent about that sexist thinkpiece you read or just rag on your dumb exes.
4. You, a clear champion of love, give unsolicited advice to all your "unfortunate" single pals.
Duh, when you’re already with someone, you getting together feels like it was ~so natural~, and you forget the nights you doused ice cream in amaretto to soothe the physical and emotional numbness of swiping through Tinder. You also forget how annoying it is to be asked about your love life when you really just want to talk about the half-marathon you ran or the questionable sandwich you made last night. Don’t be that person!
5. You’ll constantly share pics of your expensive vacations together/gifts your S.O. got you.
If your friends care about you, then sure, they’ll want to hear about how happy you are. But. If you’re the kind of person who chimes into a group chat about work struggles with pics from your current Hawaii excursion, no one is obligated to like you. Your friends were your friends when you were single and contributed the best memes to the Facebook message group. They will slowly fizzle out now that you send daily humble-braggy texts of your partner cooking you poached eggs when, OMG, you wanted french toast!
6. Actually, you just talk about your relationship non-stop like it's the only point of interest in your life.
You've developed an actually impressive power of taking any conversation, whether it's about bank account woes, UTIs, or a deep analysis of Gossip Girl, and looping in bae somehow. Bae has a stellar bank account, bae is sexy like Chuck Bass, and bae would nurse you back to health if you did have a UTI (the power of bae transcends antibiotics and cranberry pills, DUH). Bae bae bae = bye bye bye as your friends rush for that check.
7. You frequently call your S.O. your "best, best friend” in front of your actual best friend.
You wanna bring your childhood buddy down in two seconds? Imply that the title of best friend was always shaky at best. Sure, go ahead and suggest that the years of long-distance phone calls and cleanly polished ice cream containers have zero significance compared to a guy you met on Tinder six months ago. Unless you follow that phrase with “but you’re my best friend too, and a person can have multiple best friends even though we’re conditioned to believe that a romantic partner is more important than a great friend,” STOP BEING A DICK ALREADY.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.