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There Is Now A Term For What 'Paasa' Guys Do

He's no longer interested, but he makes you feel that he is. Jerk.
PHOTO: Nick Onken

There is now a new word for yet another classic asshole move—benching. Ghosting is old news! Just in case some of you aren’t familiar with "ghosting," this is when someone you’re dating or regularly talking to just disappears from your life. Your texts are left unanswered; your calls, unreturned. No explanation.

We know what you’re thinking. That’s it! You can get rejected. You can be cheated on. You can get ghosted. That HAS to be it, right? Wrong. You can now also be benched. Ugh.


Benching is when someone is no longer interested in you but wants to keep his or her options open so instead of breaking it off, the bencher is always in a state of nagpaparamdam lang. He doesn’t follow a regular pattern of communication. Just when you think you’re over it, you’ll receive a friendly, non-committal text every few days or weeks. You make plans to meet up, but for some reason, life gets in the way. (Life doesn’t actually get in the way. He just cancels on you all the time.) This is the ultimate power play, because you can’t hate "the nice guy." He’s still texting you and asking about your life and showing concern for your well-being.

This is actually much worse than being rejected or cheated on or even ghosted. In those scenarios, you can grieve the relationship. You can be angry. You can hate him. And you can move on. But when you’ve been benched, umaasa ka pa rin—until he finds someone he actually likes and ghosts you.

Source: New York Magazine.

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