Every once in a while, Mercury leaves retrograde, the planets align, and you start dating a guy you're really excited about. As is common in the first few months of a relationship, the sex is frequent, and probably pretty good, because you're super into each other but not yet 100 percent comfortable with whipping out your handcuffs or your Daenerys costume from last Halloween.
When you do decide to let him in on the fact that you own a vibrator that you would also like to use in bed together, there are two possible reactions: He's either overcome with joy that your sex life is about to get even hotter (and wants to start immediately), or he's, well, weird about it. He might say it feels "a little unnatural," or ask if his penis and sex skills aren't enough. And if he does, he's in trouble.
Because if a man is anti-vibrators, you should absolutely, without question, dump him.
First off, if he thinks a vibrator is a replacement for his dick, he is very stupid. I'm not talking about stupid in the sense of he's missing out on life (I'll get to that later), I mean he literally does not understand the basics of the female reproductive system. Does he not know that most women can't orgasm if all he's doing is just pounding away? And even if he's phenomenal at going down on you, a vibrator is just different. Not necessarily better, but a nice lil change-up. Dammit, don't you deserve both? What experiences in life have led him to believe, without a shred of doubt, that his penis is the Swiss Army knife of sex organs?
And if he does know that you don't get off from penetrative sex alone, but still throws you a deliberately pensive "...Sure?" whenever you bring up the finger massager, he's putting his own insecurities over you. If instead of literally just pushing a button, he'd rather go down on you for 40 more minutes, his tongue more aimless than me at a networking event with no food, that's a problem. In the time it took him to stress about his own unfounded ideals of masculinity and you to figure out what laundry you need to do tomorrow, you both could have had multiple, 48-hour afterglow-worthy orgasms. How could anyone who claims to be ~so horny for you~ not be peak turned on by seeing you have the most powerful climaxes both his penis and money could buy?
There's also the fact that the very act of you opening up about your very reasonable sexual preferences has caused him to do the exact opposite in response. It has to make you wonder what else he'll close up about next, sexual or otherwise, and if this is the kind of relationship that can really move forward. And all because of what? The fact that you want to sometimes use a tiny plastic motorized bullet while also having sex with him? Take a good, hard look at what your man is saying "no" to:
It's safe to say that if he can't handle you at your hot pink clit massager, he doesn't deserve to have sex with you ever. Life's too short to date a guy who needs to be reassured that a vibrator is no threat to him. It's even too short to be with someone who will use a vibrator, but only if you bring it up first, as if he were doing you this huge favor. And it's especially too fleeting to miss out on cute sex boutique trips where you nervously giggle as you pick your new vibaby to bring home for the first time.
Date someone who makes you feel like you have an actual, exciting sexual future together. And if they don't, part ways. You'll be completely fine. After all, you have your vibrator.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.