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What Kind Of Bride You Will Be, According To Your Sign

If you want a compliment, Leo, just ask.
PHOTO: Instagram/jaye.wolf

So you already know what your sign says about what kind of girlfriend and ex you are, but what about the kind of bride you'll be? Read on to find out, and sorry in advance, Leo, but you needed to hear it. :(

Aquarius: The Bride Who Just Wants to Party

You're chill AF, Aquarius, and while you can't wait to marry the love of your life, the part you're most excited about is the opportunity to throw a slammin' party. Planning is a breeze for you because you honestly DGAF either way and just want to be married already! Enough with the cheesiness.

Traditional vows seem corny to you and you're not really looking forward to the emotionality of it all (after all, you're someone who tends to run from emotions in general), but your saving grace is the chance to celebrate and go wild after. You'll probably write your own vows that make all your guests crack up.

Most Likely To Regret: The tacky relationship slideshow/letting your sister make an emotional toast.

What People Will Still Be Talking About Years After The Wedding: The fact that you actually ended up marrying your partner after all? They always thought you'd be a single gal forever!


Pisces: The Anti-Bride Bride

Aw, Pisces, you just want to marry your mate and run off into the sunset already! You don't get why there's a big hullaballoo over everything. If you had your way, you'd just have an intimate city hall wedding, or elope and start your life together already.

But of course, your sensitive Pisces side means you're very considerate of other people's feelings, so there's just no way you could do that to your poor mother. She's wanted to watch you walk down the aisle forever and has been emailing you Pinterest pins ever since you reported back that your third date with your fiancé was "really good, we had sushi."

Most Likely To Regret: Inviting all your extended family including your bitchy aunt Lisa who called your decision to wear a strapless neckline "brave." You will never stop thinking about that comment for the rest of your life. Someday, when you're 105, you're going to be on your deathbed, you'll call your grandchildren over and ask them, "Did she mean because my arms were big? Or was it because it was cold out?"

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What People Will Still Be Talking About Years After The Wedding: How that 16-year-old wedding singer you found on YouTube and hired turned out to be the next Adele. Of course she did, you have the best ear around.


Aries: The Brilliant Procrastinator Bride

Your confidence and impulsive nature is a wild card in terms of wedding planning because you think you can do it all at once. And you totally can, and you do, but at the 11th hour, you really start to regret pushing off all those small decisions you promised everyone you'd "get around to eventually." That, plus your moodiness, means you're bound to get into a few fights with your betrothed.

Thank GOD, you shine as a leader, because when the going gets tough (aka the venue you wanted was booked up three years in advance by the time you got around to finally calling them), you really pull through. That signature Aries determination drives you through and BAM! You somehow got an even better venue at half price? How'd you do it? No, seriously, how'd you do it?

Most Likely To Regret: Blowing off the caterer's texts till the last minute. You almost—almost—wound up with passed Oysters Rockefeller as an appetizer.

What People Will Still Be Talking About Years After The Wedding: How did she manage to book the actual house from The Notebook with only three weeks' time?


Taurus: The Actually Chill Bride

Was there ever any doubt you'd be the least non-Bridezilla bride around? You're not just "chill" while secretly sweating over cardstock for your wedding invites, but actually chill. You make all your already-married friends jealous with your easygoing wedding attitude and give your non-married friends hope that wedding planning doesn't have to be the nightmare years of rom-com tropes have pushed onto women.

You're so reliable and patient that you make everyone involved in your wedding feel at ease—and you're the one with all the pressure and responsibility!

Most Likely To Regret: Skimping on a videographer. Not that you mind that much but it would just be nice to have more evidence of the best day of your life for you to look back on. After all, you put the whole damn thing together, didn't you?

What People Will Still Be Talking About Years After The Wedding: That incredible vintage wedding dress you discovered at a thrift store with pure luck only five days before your wedding.

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Gemini: The Adorably Indecisive Bride

Your wishy-washy nature means that you often scrutinize even the best decisions. While this can be great sometimes (Hey! No one can ever accuse you of not considering all your options), when it comes to planning an event made up of a million micro-decisions, things can get messy.

You question each and every decision you make—twice—and even then, you don't feel 100% on anything that doesn't lead to a very fun planning experience. Of course, the good news is that now you've lived through what feels like the planning of 25 different weddings, you're the go-to wedding expert for everyone in your friend group. So while a piece of you may always regret choosing the garden wedding over the beach wedding, you'll get to live out your beach wedding fantasies when your BFF's sister comes knocking on your door for advice in three months.

Most Likely To Regret: Your first husband.

What People Will Still Be Talking About Years After The Wedding: "Why did she wear three different reception gowns?" (Because you couldn't pick just one, obviously. Use your brain, Sharon.)


Cancer: The Seriously Emotional Bride

You have had one of the longest engagements out of your friend group—not because you can't decide on anything, but because you kind of love the planning process. It's just, like, a long reminder of how much you and your partner love one another, and you L-I-V-E for that shit. Who wouldn't want to be constantly validated with praise and jealousy from their single friends?

It goes without saying, obv, that your wedding becomes the gold standard of romantic weddings for years to come. Even your flower girls will grow up with your wedding in mind as the platonic ideal of a good ceremony.

Most Likely To Regret: Not using waterproof mascara. What were you thinking? One look down the aisle at your partner's adoring face and your makeup is basically halfway down your neck.

What People Will Still Be Talking About Years After The Wedding: The most heartfelt vow exchange they'd ever heard in their lives. Not a dry eye in sight. Even the officiant had snot running down his nose.


Leo: The Destination Bride

You've always known you wanted a destination wedding, so the second your partner got down on their knee, your pupils turned into spinning globes with potential destinations cha-chinging in your eyes. It just makes sense after all! You put a big emphasis on the importance of relaxation, you're adventurous, and you love the idea of being adored for an extended period of time. (Duh, if you pick a really exotic place that no one's ever been to, they'll always associate it with you and your wedding—even if it's bad, they'll remember it!)

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You have a lot of fun with your wedding and so does everyone involved. Sure, you get a little upset when two of your friends hook up on the trip and that drama overshadows your upcoming nuptials ON WHAT SHOULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR LIFE, but sure. You're not going to be That Bride (I mean, whatever, you already are, but even you have limits).

Most Likely To Regret: Not bookending your honeymoon with a post-honeymoon honeymoon. Planning a destination wedding was hard enough as is, now you have to go back to work without really spending any time on yourself? Ugh, no, thank you.

What People Will Still Be Talking About Years After The Wedding: Literally what won't they talk about. Just ask for a compliment, Leo, just ask. If you know that's what you want, just say it.


Virgo: The Incredibly Organized Bride

You have the time of your effing life planning this shindig, Virgo. Your detail-oriented mind and work ethic shine so brightly, and everyone around you is amazed at your efficiency and taste.

You also kinda love that this is an opportunity to indulge yourself a little, put yourself on a pedestal, and treat yourself—all while exercising your signature Virgo kink of attention to detail. You get to show off your planning prowess and low-key get off on organizing the whole thing without having to outright take center stage. In your mind, when someone compliments the ceremony, it's basically paying their highest respects to you, but only you know the time and effort behind all those floral centerpieces and that gorgeous (but tastefully simple!) lemon cake. Like a masochistic secret, if you will. You do you, Virgo. You do you.

Most Likely To Regret: Not having a longer engagement. Who knows what you could've done with longer lead time!

What People Will Still Be Talking About Years After The Wedding: How everything was so well thought-out that it felt like a scene from a movie.


Libra: The People-Pleaser Bride

First things first, Libra. You have to remember that this is your wedding and you get final say. Your diplomatic nature is usually so great and only gets you further in life, but when it comes to times like these, you have to put your foot down. If you want to have the wedding on a Saturday, not a Sunday, you have to be willing to tell your fiancé that instead of just going through the motions of "it doesn't matter to me, really."

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Also, your mother-in-law? Yeah, she's going to be a thorn in your side for the rest of your life, so set the standard now that you're not going to take Eileen's passive-aggressive-ass bullshit or you'll be doing damage control up until your firstborn enters grade school, trying to convince her that you shouldn't be messed with. You shouldn't! No one deserves Eileen's bullshit!

Most Likely To Regret: Letting your younger cousin's Soundcloud DJ boyfriend do the reception. You're sure Kevin's a nice kid, and you totally get that he's thirsty to book gigs, but honestly, you didn't have to throw him a pity gig at the expense of your wedding. You could've just anonymously donated to their GoFundMe they're always posting about on Facebook.

What People Will Still Be Talking About Years After The Wedding: What a saint you are for dealing with both your mother's and Eileen's drama with a smile on your face the whole time.


Scorpio: The Bride Who's Already Over It

You DGAF, Scorpio. Your fiancé pops the question one morning after a whirlwind courtship (you locked eyes at a coffee shop Monday, played hooky together, and were engaged by Wednesday). And you know you're doing the right thing, but if you're going to roll with romantic spontaneity, why not go all out?

You run away to elope, just like you pictured ever since you were just a young lil Scorp dreaming of ditching all your responsibilities and running away. Of course, in those fantasies, you were a spy running away from a government you inherently distrust, but running away to get married isn't so bad either. Plus, if you're being honest, a low-stakes wedding in your mind = less embarrassment if he wakes up one day and decides to call it off. He won't but a smart Scorpio always has an exit plan.

Most Likely To Regret: Not getting an ironclad prenup. You work hard for your money and you can't live constantly looking over your shoulder to make sure your partner isn't off squandering your hard-earned millions.

What People Will Still Be Talking About Years After The Wedding: Wait, you guys were actually married? Most people had no idea since you actually only told a handful of people—the less you'd have to do damage control for, should things implode. You didn't need to though: You share a beautiful life together until he passes away from a heart attack en route to your country estate at 87. No matter though, you rebound with a hot young, twentysomething tech (a millionaire in his own right) and become the glamorous eccentric figure you were always meant to be.

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Sagittarius: The Idealistic Bride

You're obsessed with every wedding tradition, and want to include them all, but don't know how. Are you going with a rustic vibe? Or a girly romantic aesthetic? Two of your bridesmaids mentioned Iceland for the bachelorette party, but your maid of honor has already been? At what point do two regs bridesmaids = one MOH? Your mom mentioned you possibly carrying on the tradition of wearing your great-aunt's pearls, but what about the tradition of you wanting to look good on your wedding?

You make a lot of promises you aren't quite sure you can deliver (of course you'll invite your third cousin twice removed!) but everyone knows you have everyone's best interests at heart. You just want everyone to be happy and have a good time! Is that really so bad?