Are you tired of trying to analyze a guy’s actions or lack thereof? Sure, we can sit around with our girlfriends all day as we try to read a guy’s mind, or even ask professionals for advice. But don’t you just want to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth? We spoke to four different guys and asked them once and for all our most pressing questions about love and dating.
Rico Atienza, 20, student, in a relationship
Gideon Pena, 28, lawyer, single
Red Ollero, 28, stand-up comedian, in a relationship
Rapha Kiefer, 32, events organizer, model and one of the judges of Philippines’ Next Top Model, in a relationship
1. Why do you ghost?
Rico: A lot of guys complain that girls are quite complex and hard to read, but truthfully, I think that goes both ways. I have friends who are girls complaining about how the guys they talk to tend to say one thing, yet mean another. Personally, I try not to overcomplicate things and keep things simple by broadcasting how I really feel. I think that if a guy were to disappear without a trace, they weren’t really serious about you in the first place, and aren’t worth your time at all.
Gideon: So that we wouldn’t have to go through the drama.
Red: Is that what the kids all do now? Before it’s just plain old rejection. I don’t think I ghost, and maybe a lot of people don’t do it intentionally. People are just naturally inclined to not talk to people they aren’t interested in anymore.
Rapha: One of the hardest things to do is to do or say something that will hurt someone you like. It’s easier to just walk away. I believe in closure. But it’s often more complicated than that.
2. What do you think of girls making the first move?
Rico: I love it when girls make the first move. I’m sure a lot of guys would agree with me because not every guy has an unlimited supply of charm and sweet-talking skills. It’s refreshing to see a girl open up and make the initiative to take the first move. After all, female empowerment is very much in nowadays.
Gideon: Girls who make the first move are no different from the girls who choose to wait—they do not deserve to be judged. They deserve to be respected.
Red: I think it’s great! I am an advocate of making stuff easier. And if a girl will erase that awkwardly hard first step that I have to do to get her attention, then I think she’s awesome! Who ever said that guys should make the first move is an idiot. Why is that even a social norm? I seriously want to smack everyone who thinks guys should always make the first move.
Rapha: I love it.
3. Is it possible for us to get out of your friendzone?
Rico: Yes! I believe that it’s totally possible for girls to break out of the dreaded friendzone and into our hearts. All you really need is great chemistry and timing. There is hope out there!
Gideon: Impossible. But I find people who break the rules and do the impossible really sexy.
Red: Nope. And I know people will say it’s possible and it has happened. Well, you’re wrong. People that think they got out of the friendzone are not really real friends to begin with. They’re probably just “friends” because an aspect of them still wants them romantically, and either one of them will strike when the opportunity comes. But real friends? Like 100% platonic ever since the start to present? They ain’t got a chance.
Rapha: Of course! I think it’s a matter of timing. But let’s also be honest. If there is nothing there, stay in the friendzone.
4. What’s one question you’re dying to ask us girls?
Rico: A question most guys have been dying to ask but are often too scared to ask is what we really are to them. The mind games can only go for so long! We guys need to know where we stand so that we know if we have a chance or not, and how to make our next move!
Gideon: How do you do it all?
Red: Hey girls, how come you don’t believe us when we say you look ridiculously gorgeous without any makeup on?
Rapha: There are too many questions to ask. Asking one question will just open Pandora’s Box. I say it’s best to take it one day at a time.
5. Who should pay on the first date?
Rico: They say that chivalry is dead, but not for me. I usually always pay on first dates because generally speaking, it’s usually the guys who ask the girls out on first dates. Aside from it being common courtesy, first dates are where we guys want to make a lasting impression and show you girls that we’re gentlemen. What kind of gentleman would I be if I let a girl pay on a date I asked her to? It isn’t all thatimportant and who ends up paying in the end, because some girls really insist on chipping in (God bless their souls) but in my opinion I believe that guys should at least have the courtesy to reach for the bill.
Gideon: The one who ate the most, haha!
Red: Anybody. There shouldn’t be a rule for it. It depends on who’s dating whom. I would very much like to pay during most dates, But I’m pretty sure there are ladies out there who are far more successful in their careers than me, and would like to pay, too. Do that cute thing where you wrestle with the bill, and argue over who’s going to pay. It’s always a good first impression.
Rapha: I’m old school. I think the guy should.
6. What’s your idea of a successful first date?
Rico: My idea of a first date is not getting on first base right away, but getting to know each other and building chemistry by sharing stories, experiences, and jokes. A successful first date ends with two people parting but still thinking about each other and the great time they had in each other’s company.
Gideon: The one that would make both of you look forward to the next.
Red: A successful first date feels like you didn’t waste your time driving through traffic, just to spend time with this girl. And you would feel like you want to endure more Manila traffic to spend time with her again and again. That’s how you know.
Rapha: Going home with butterflies in my stomach and wanting to plan date number 2.
7. What are some signs that you’re into someone?
Rico: A sign that I’m into someone is if I tend to make time for her no matter what. It doesn’t matter how busy I am; If I’m interested in someone, I’ll find a way to make time for her. When I find myself falling for someone, I also find myself craving to be in her company. Also, I tend to notice little things about her—small unimportant details that I start to find cute.
Gideon: The more I’m not into you, the more I’m into you.
Red: When they randomly talk to you. Like message you out of the blue, or they come up with this really weird reason to talk to you. Stuff like, “Hey, I was doing my groceries a while ago and I saw fruit and I thought of how you like to eat fruit and stuff...”
Rapha: The funny thing is that the two people involved are usually the last to sense how into each other they are. People around them already know. I believe that feedback from friends is the best confirmation of being into someone.
8. Why is it so hard to buy presents for guys? What gifts do you really like receiving on special occasions?
Rico: I think it really depends on the guy you’re choosing a gift for. If he’s a simple guy like me, I prefer gifts that have meaning rather than gifts with a big price tag. I think that when girls have a hard time choosing gifts for guys, it’s more of the pressure of not getting the right gift that causes them to overthink. Keep it sweet and simple! And always remember that it’s the thought that counts.
Gideon: I don’t think it’s hard to buy presents for guys. Maybe because we aren’t (too) emotional, we are perceived to be unthankful. But really, we appreciate anything (especially if it’s Xbox-level).
Red: It’s not hard to buy presents for guys! The best way is to ask his best friend. For me, look through my Steam wish list. Buy me those games and I’ll be super happy. Those games are on sale every summer and winter, and they get really cheap—like P200 cheap. Oh and if the guy you’re dating doesn’t have a Steam account, don’t date him.
Rapha: We say the same about girls! And truth be told, the best things in life are not things. Let’s create moments and not things. Perhaps a bus ticket to a beach or nice hike or a dinner will suffice.