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18 Things A Twentysomething Should Know About Sex

PEE AFTER SEX.
PHOTO: istockphoto

1. It's not always good. 

Trust me, you're not the only one out there having bad sex. I promise you: Every woman I've floated my "everyone in their early 20s is having really bad sex," theory to agrees. Only men hop in there with their "ACTUALLY—" shit.

2. Don't waste time wondering if everyone is having more sex than you. 

In your 20s, people tend to use "are you dating anyone?" as a yardstick for catching up, so if you haven't been, it can make you feel like a failure. This is fake news! Don't believe it for a second.

3. You don't have to have performative sex. 

It's fine if your sexual experiences aren't filled with moans and cinematic drops of fake glycerin-y sweat. Real sex doesn't have to be like porn sex.

4. It's OK to not want to have sex at all. 

There's an idea that people are supposed to be horned up AF in your 20s but that's not always the case. You're not, like, ~doing your 20s wrong~ just because you're not waking up next to a hot stranger like your life is the B-roll opening of a rom-com every day. Take this time to do you, and live every day with the fear (Joking!) (Am I?) that your sex drive will be back to distract you again before you know it.

5. STI scares happen to everyone. 

I was the first one of my friend group to have any big scare and I really thought MY WORLD WAS ENDING. Spoiler: Give it, like, six months and everyone else will go through the same thing too.

6. If you think you have an unhealthy relationship with sex, it's fine to take a break. 

If you realize you only use sex as a placeholder for drama or because you hate yourself or you're unhappy at work, and need to step back a bit, that's fine. It's good to recognize that you need to take some time to give yourself space and time to breathe. You don't have to be a washed up B-lister bragging about a porn addiction to have an unhealthy relationship with sex.


7. There's nothing wrong with you if you get attached to people after sex. 

Sometimes sex can intensify feelings for people, even if you didn't set out with that intention in mind. It happens and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

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8. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't get attached to people after sex. 

Alternatively, it's not a big deal if you hook up with someone and it's great, but the great sex still isn't enough to cancel out the different values/personality differences you guys have. That's fine too.

9. You're not boring if you don't want to partake in any of the freemium kink culture that seems to be everywhere. 

 Not everyone is factory-built with a propensity for spanking and rough sex. Don't need the ham-fisted eroticism of cold chrome-y Fifty Shades supercuts in my life, thanks!

10. Your body is normal. 

Feeling insecure is normal, but it's also one of those things where it's like, if everyone is insecure, is anyone really? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to show them a photo of a more popular tree on Instagram, will it ever think there's something wrong with it? Anyway, your body is perfect the way it is, I promise.

11. No one cares about your number. 

 People who ask about your number just want to talk about their own. Once you start realizing this, you'll be a lot happier.

12. Pee after sex. 

 Sorry, but no UTI is worth being held 0.03 seconds longer in bed.


13. You don't owe anybody sex just because they're nice to you or hung out with you long enough that you feel obligated. 

I once hooked up with a guy because he made a comment about how he hung up a shelf for me and I felt like it would've been mean not to. I regret this. Don't make the same mistake I made. Easier to feel like a bitch for 30 seconds than to straight-up hate yourself for setting feminism back 50 years for months after the fact.

14. Don't apologize for not having an orgasm. 

Sorry? For what? Not being able to boost their ego by saying you had one? Shouldn't they be apologizing to you?

15. There's nothing wrong with you if you want to have sex with someone on the first date and there's nothing wrong with you if you don't even want to shake their hand on a first date. 

Do whatever you're comfy with.

16. You're not ~sending a message~ if you don't sleep over the first time you hook up or have them stay over. 

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Sometimes you want to sleep alone or stay up watching Netflix alone, and sometimes you want to sleep next to someone. Maybe you want to get McDonald's drive-through with your Uber driver instead. Who cares! If a guy really likes you, he's not going to not think of you as girlfriend-material just because you wanted to sleep in your own bed after the first time you hooked up.

17. Anyone who's ever made a sex tape has regretted it. 

While I personally haven't done this (My voice on camera? Hard pass, thanks), I've heard through friends that this is usually not a move that ages well. Please don't let some dude pressure you into this in the moment.

18. Just because you haven't had sex for, like, six weeks, you aren't required to make "FML CAT LADY GONNA DIE ALONE UGH SPINSTER WAHHHHHHH" jokes. Seriously, this is a bad look and it doesn't age well either. There is no male equivalent for non-virginal celibacy because we don't judge men like that, which should be reason enough to put this tired-ass trope to bed.

Follow Carina on Twitter and Instagram.

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.