6 Date Disasters You Need To Avoid

Read this if you want a shot at a second date.
by Anton D. Umali
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Dates are almost always awkward, especially if they’re with somebody you barely know but want to get more personal with. No one is perfect and sometimes when you’re trying to impress too much, there’s a tendency to self-destruct.

Avoid that feeling of wanting the ground to swallow you whole by knowing some common date disasters and how you can miss their romance-killing bullets.

1. Passing gas
Although some women are still capable of spellbinding men into believing that they don't fart, it’s only natural to release unwanted air during a date. No one understands flatulence more than the gassy creature that is man, but you’d want him to remember you for your overwhelming beauty rather than your bum’s overpowering capabilities for making a room smell like rotten eggs. Loud, proud, smell-less, and in public: quite forgivable. Silent but deadly: don’t say a word. Sharting, however, is unacceptable. 


What you can do to avoid it: Just plan it strategically. Instead of letting one rip in the midst of a romantic conversation, excuse yourself for some much-needed private time.

2. Verbal diarrhea
Over-sharing is a big turn off. No one, especially the guy you just met and are hoping to impress, wants to hear about how much money you make, the distinct discoloration in your not-so-yellow pee, or how you really, really, really want to murder your ex-boyfriend. Keep things casual on early dates before opening a Pandora’s box of information for him to get paranoid over. You want him to care for you, not get scared of you.


What you can do to avoid it: Dwell on topics like pop-culture, hobbies, and other semi-superficial interests. This is the time to sail on the surface level. You can talk about parental issues, existential dilemmas, and each other’s bank accounts when the bonding sessions have forged a real relationship.

3. Patay Gutom Syndrome
Even though having a healthy appetite is attractive, there’s no reason to binge on a dinner date. You don’t want to come off as a desperate bum eager to shove edibles down her throat. Or do you? 


What you can do to avoid it: Rather than gorging your food like a stoned fratboy, eat like a lady. Your stomach (and your love life) will thank you later.

4. The Drunk Date
One drink is fine. Two drinks and you’re on your way of ridding yourself of inhibitions. Three to four drinks and the slurred speech plus airborne saliva might not guarantee a second meeting. Five to six drinks will have you waking up next to a dude you needed beer goggles to actually survive a date with.

What you can do to avoid it:
Drink in moderation or don’t drink at all. Inebriation isn’t the gateway to appreciation.


5. Bad Breath and BO
If you are looking to hookup, you don’t want your partner experiencing death breath. Also, not that your pits have to be as fresh as a flower garden, but being hygienic just shows that you’re a decent human being–and FYI, a waft of sweat-smelling underarms can kill even the sexiest of moments.


What you can do to avoid it: Slapping on deodorant and brushing your pearly whites are common practice prior to a steamy date. It’s–in the most basic sense of things–the least you could do.

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6. Sloppy Spit Swap
First kisses should be tender and enticing, sealed with enough lingering tension to keep the opposite sex coming back for more. What anyone should avoid is haphazard lip locks: too torrid, with too much saliva, and too much tongue. Unless you’re ready and raring to roll in the sack, kisses of a wilder persuasion can be reserved for after the first date.


What you can do to avoid it: This might sound silly, but use your hand for practice. Just curl it up into a fist, pretend that space between your thumb and index finger is the receiving party’s lips. Now, make out with that ball of fine skin in the privacy of your bedroom. You’ve used it for other forms of pleasure anyway, so why not make it a veritable partner for dry run kisses?

Follow Anton on Instagram. 

PHOTO: Gustavo Arrias; GIF: giphy.com
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