22 Signs You've Been Single For WAY Too Long

You've started staging Instagram pictures just so you can use the hashtag #DateNight
By Catriona Harvey-Jenner and The Cosmo Single Pringles
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1. You've learned to eat meals for two in one go.

And now you require a gym membership.

2. You've used up all the potential suitors in a 25-km radius on Tinder.

But have convinced yourself it's because people just don't really use Tinder anymore, and is definitely nothing to do with your furious swiping habit.

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3. You've started staging Instagram pictures just so you can use the hashtag #DateNight

Well, everybody else gets to. So what's the harm in bending the truth a tiny bit by pouring your bottle of wine into two glasses and alternating sips instead of one?

4. Even your extended family has given up asking if you've got a boyfriend yet.

Just wait until you actually get one. Their faces will be priceless. Although you might have to break the news gently to your old lola with the dodgy heart. Big shocks could cause irreparable damage.

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5. Your ex no longer refers to you as his ex.

He's had about four girlfriends since you broke up, so he considers you as more of a distant friend from the past, really.

6. You stay in on weekends.

They were only invented for smug couples who want to go on long walks and lazy pub lunches, anyway.

7. Friends don't bother offering you a plus one anymore.

It only causes havoc for the seating arrangements when you insist you've found somebody to bring along, but they end up having to cancel due to a mysterious illness two days before.

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8. You've bought a pet.

Enough said.

9. The thought of sharing a bed is enough to make you weep.

You can't even deal with a ticking clock in your night time room of zen, never mind another snoring human interrupting your starfishing flow.

10. You don't possess a single matching underwear set.

You're not fussy at whatever mismatched monstrosity stares back at you in the mirror when you get changed at night, you see.

11. You start dating men who are quite frankly ineligible.

You're more than happy to go for a drink with that guy even though you don't find him attractive and know you're totally incompatible, just so you have someone to text at night. Hold me.

12. Your friends have stopped trying to set you up.

There are only so many friendships that can be ruined, after all.

13. "Freezing eggs" is definitely on your Google history.

You always were a forward planner. Only now it doesn't seem so much "forward planning" as "imminent necessity."

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14. You've started befriending the interns at work.

They're younger. Which means there's more chance they're single. Which means you've got more chance of bagging yourself a wingman who actually wants to go out on the prowl on a Friday night, and not just sit in watching Netflix with their greying boyfriend. #JustSayin

15. You rely on your own daily affirmations  as opposed to actual compliments for your much-needed confidence boost.

You got this!

16. Even Facebook knows you're single.

You're being tempted by young hot single guys on your feed.

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17. The closest thing you've found to your "lobster" in recent years has been on a plate.

Well, preferably on platter, actually. Served with skinny fries and a house salad. 

18. You consider going out with your ex again.

Yeah, so he physically repulses you. But maybe it could still work if you shut your eyes or something, couldn't it? God loves a trier.

19. You're on so many dating apps you start to recognize people from them as if they're your friends.

Like that time you saw one guy in Starbucks and nearly went up to him to say hi. Before you realised that he wasn't a distant acquaintance, but someone you'd said yes to on three different apps.

20. Public displays of affection are enough to make you vomit.

Hence, you walk down tube station escalators as quickly as possible, being careful not to look up.

21. You've got a specific folder on your iPhone home screen just for all your dating apps.

But you've named it "Utilities" to keep snoopers away. HA.

22. You've become an awful cynic.

So much so, that when your best friend starts gushing about her new boyfriend, all you can actually hear is the very loud voice in your head saying "It won't work out! "It's hard being so practical (or bitter), you know.

***

This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.co.uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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