1. In person. The most humane, if physically dangerous, way to break up with someone. With the caveat that you should be prepared to be punched in the nuts and/or have a grown man openly weep in public.
2. Email. Acceptable if the relationship is fairly new. Just don't attach a GIF of an adorable kitten or a hippo cuddling a pony because you think it'll soften the blow. It won't and you're just ruining cute animal GIFs for the other person and therefore making the entire internet a total wasteland for them. Also, this can be the worst if one or both of you are complicit in writing ten page emails about your ~FeElInGs~ for the next two months, thereby prolonging the inevitable and giving your younger sister something really embarrassing to read when she hacks into your Gmail.
3. Text. Breaking up over text doesn't have to be the worst, especially if you've only gone on a handful of dates and it's your main method of communication. Caveat: If you've been out like five times and you text in the middle of the night about how you're "both eating the same flavor of chips from a can and lol you have so much in common and what would you name your kid if you had a daughter!?" and then you breakup over text, you're basically a hellhound.
4. Phone call, other person actually picks up. If it isn't 2005 or you're not my mom, this is an inappropriate way to contact anyone about anything. Also, LOL on someone picking up the phone. As if!
5. Over Twitter/Instagram DM. Are you 11? If you're 11, then fine. Also, if you're 11, stop dating.
6. Over Twitter/Instagram public. Girl, you know that's fucked up!
7. Ghosting. Just straight up disappearing is pretty evil, but at least it tells the other person that you're a piece of shit not worth their time. So that's good!
7. Phone call, voicemail. This ties for 7 because it's basically the same as being ghosted. Nobody under 30 has listened to my voicemail since 2011.
8. Post-it. This is a pretty bad (but also kinda hilarious? a little bit?) way to break up with someone who is obsessed with Sex and the City. But really: you suck and may the aural spirit of Samantha Jones manifest in your bed and siphon your life force out through her ~sPoOky~ vagine.
9. Letter. This is by far the most confusing way to do things. That said, if you are a KICK ASS letter writer, and you know that fact FOR SURE, it could be nice? Bonus: if you're kinda famous in any way, they'll be able to sell it for rent money, so that's cool!
10. In a song you wrote for them. LOL, you're the worst and everyone hates your guitar.
11. In person, right after sex. WTF is wrong with you? I hope the Ghost of Christmas Future drags you straight back to hell like the demon you are. Repent now, monster!
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.