Why Men Send Mixed Signals

Our guy pal shares why men send mixed signals.
by Vernon B. Sarne
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Know this: If we men could buy a switch that lets us turn it on whenever you need us to, we would. We’re tired but you’re feeling frisky? No problem. It’s UAAP season but you need someone to talk to about your issues in the office? Don’t sweat it. We’re horny but you’d rather reminisce over your videos from Nicki Minaj’s concert? At your service; the switch is here to please you.

Trouble is, that switch doesn’t exist. Most of the time, we have no control over our mood swings. We can’t always condition our mental or emotional state to be aligned with yours. And don’t expect us to fake it or put on a show. That’s not happening. Be rest assured, however, that it is almost always just a harmless case of men being men—or men being naturally different from women. Still, not all cases of our emotional vacillation are innocent. Sometimes, our going from hot one day to cold the next, could be a sign of a deeper complication.

Here are the four most common causes of our temperamental change.

We’re just after the chase.
We’ll make you feel like you’re the only woman alive when we’re pursuing you. We’ll text you every minute, call you every hour, pick you up every day. We’ll drive up to Baguio to get your favorite strawberry jam. We’ll read Twilight just so we can mouth off Edward Cullen’s lines. We’ll even stop smoking if you really want us to. And then you reciprocate and give yourself to us. Game over. Done. Kaput. We step back once we get you. Turns out we were only attracted to you when you were still unattainable. It wasn’t love in the first place; it was mere curiosity. Men guilty of this are usually referred to as players.

We have commitment issues.
As corny as it sounds, there are times when we run into you when we’re already damaged inside. We just came from a painful breakup. Or we got cheated on. Or we just got out of an abusive relationship. Things that make us subconsciously afraid to give ourselves wholly to you. A part of us wants to be totally devoted to you, but another part always puts up a defense mechanism. We recoil—and we’re oftentimes not even aware of it—just when we’ve become too attached to you. Guys with excess baggage, we’re called.

We’re too distracted or preoccupied.
We love you to death, but we’re also in love with our job. We’re very career-oriented. And while we constantly profess that you’re the center of our universe, the reality is that our very existence revolves around the office cubicle. We want to surprise you with a fancy dinner every now and then, but if a last-minute conference call gets in the way, we won’t think twice about getting you takeout food instead. If our mind seems to be flying elsewhere while we’re cuddling, it’s because it is. Blame our deadlines and sales quotas. At least we’re not cheating. We’re just what you call workaholics.

We have been unfaithful.
Ah, there are times when we grow cold for no apparent reason simply because we feel guilty. It’s because we’re aware we’ve wronged you, and we happen to suck at pretending that nothing happened. Something did happen, and it’s sapping us of romance. Whether the infidelity is over or still in progress, it’s keeping us from making love to you with the kind of ardor only a blameless soul is capable of delivering. We’re assholes, and there are many of us running around out there.

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