10 Reasons To Never Swallow

Semen isn't in your meal plan.
by Hannah Smothers
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Look: Nothing against blow jobs. With the right person, under the right circumstances, they can be quite enjoyable! But, toward the end, things tend to get dicey. Things have to finish (*wink wink*) one way or another, leaving you—the giver of the blow job—three options: Pull your mouth away so quickly it leaves the dude in a tailspin; accept your fate and spit it right back out; or swallow. Not that you need any more reasons to literally never swallow, but just in case, here are 10 extremely convincing reasons to never swallow again.

1. You just brushed your teeth! 

And everyone knows you shouldn't eat after you just brushed your teeth; it's bad oral hygiene.

2. Despite what he's telling you, there's truly not enough protein in the stuff to even matter. 

Semen is not a great post-workout snack. There are slight traces of protein in his junk but it's hardly anything. There's more protein in things that are much more delightful to swallow, like, say, smoothies and milkshakes. Yum!

3. You just had some french fries and really are craving something sweet, not salty. 

And semen is definitely more salty than sweet. It'd throw your entire taste palette out of whack.

4. You could be doing any one of these other very pleasant (by comparison) things! 

Go for a walk! Get your oil changed! Bake a cake! Drink some wine! Do literally anything else!

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5. You had a big meal and are just too full.  

Just no more room in your stomach for a single bite (or drop, sorry) of more food!

6. You have something really important to say and it's rude to talk with your mouth full. 

Spit it out (both literally and figuratively)!

7. You're on a really strict diet where you only eat vegetables and unsalted nuts.

You meticulously meal-prepped, you roasted all your veggies, you stocked up on walnuts and cashews, and, oh, darn. Semen just isn't in your meal plan for this week! Maybe some other time (but probably not).

8. What if it makes you gassy? 

Is semen a tummy irritant? Almost definitely not but can you really place too safe a bet when tooting all night long is at stake?

9. You're saving it for a special occasion and tonight just is not it. 

But someday soon! Maybe. Probably. But also, probably not.

10. TBH, he should be thankful enough that you even went down on him at all.

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Much less swallow at the end. You care about this guy and you aim to please, but at the same time, you're just one woman.

Follow Hannah on Twitter.

***

This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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