12 Things I Wish I Knew Before Having A Threesome

It's less awkward than you think!
by Morgan L. Bedford
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If you've ever been curious about having a threesome but also a little intimidated, that's normalthere's a lot to consider. Do you want to be the unicorn of the threesome or find a unicorn with your partner? Should you do it with friends or strangers? Will it be awkward? As a very nervous twentysomething woman who had a sober threesome with a friend and lived to tell the tale, here are the biggest takeaways I learned from the experience.

1. It's less awkward than you think. 

As someone who thinks one-on-one sex is already ripe with awkward silences, I was not optimistic about group sex. However! My fears were quickly quieted when I realized that half the fun of being in a threesome is watching. You don't need to spend every second doing something crazy. It's totally fine to go with the flow and watch a bit before jumping in when you feel comfortable.

2. It's not going to ruin your friendship unless you let it. 

If you have a threeway with another single friend, don't spend too much time worrying about whether or not this will make things awkward for the both of you in the future. Just because you hooked up once doesn't mean you have to again! Just make sure you check in with your friend before and afterwards and are clear about what you're both expecting from it.

3. It's not "slutty," period. 

And can we retire that word while we're at it? I know threesomes are interesting in part because of their novelty but don't let that scare you away from doing it if you're truly curious about it. You do you, girl!

4. The pillow talk afterwards is actually fun. 

Have you ever laid in bed after a hookup talking to a guy, and thought about how [insert friend's name here] would have so much to add to the conversation? Good news! Now she can.

5. Communication is really important. 

Multiple times throughout the night, my friend asked me if I was into the direction that things were moving in, checking in with me, etc. It was really important for our enjoyment of the night because neither of us felt like boundaries were being crossed or we were being pushed to do anything we weren't 100 percent about. Plus, when I think back to that night (which, let's be real: is half the fun) I can feel good about knowing that everyone had a safe and comfortable time.

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6. You don't have to worry about being left out. 

But what if he likes making out with her more than me?! Sure, there could be moments where it's a bit unbalanced, but trust, no guy is going to just ignore the chance to go back and forth with two women at the same time. It'll even out.

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7. You'll probably laugh a few times. 

Just the physics of three bodies trying to bone is bound to create some laughs. Go with it! Not everything has to be a sexy montage from Fifty Shades.

8. If you're not comfortable with certain sex acts, that's totally fine. 

No one enters a threesome assuming everything is on the table (and if they do, consider finding new partners). You can do whatever you're comfortable with, and if that means you draw a hard line at licking someone's asshole while getting your toes sucked, that's totally fine!

9. It's probably going to feel a little performative. 

Yeah I said it. But if that's something you know going into it and are alright leaning into, there's nothing wrong with that! It can be hot to put on a show for someone or to watch two other people going at it.

10. Having a threeway with a good friend can actually be better than if you just did it with strangers. 

I feel extremely lucky in that I had my first threesome experience with a friend whom I know had my best interests at heart and was able to talk about everything afterwards with. Plus, you can split cab fare home later together.

11. Don't be shy about being the first one to bring it up. 

TV and movies jam the "boyfriend wants a threesome to spice things up, frigid girlfriend shuts it down fast" trope down our throats a lot, so you don't often hear of women initiating the threesome, but I'm here to tell you, there's nothing wrong with doing so! I initiated my threesome and I'm proud of myself for doing so. Lean in!

12. If you have a threesome once, you're not obligated to keep having them. 

It's fine to try it out and realize it might not be for you after all. I thought my first threesome would be like a second virginity, but I'd prefer to think of it like the weird couple's vibrator I bought, tried once, and then never used again. Trying it once doesn't mean you're contractually obligated to pencil in a ménage à trois every few months from now on. It might work great for some people and some situations, but it's NBD if you don't wanna give a go again for a while.

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors. 

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