Posted on February 10, 2011
It used to be that a little game of slap and tickle could keep your sex life stoked. But now, cranking up the heat requires pushing the envelope just a wee bit more. “The availability of online porn has normalized kinkier sex,” says sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD, author of Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide To Pleasuring A Man.
Men are anesthetized to mild degrees of naughty, so they crave kicking things up a notch—by role-playing, participating in light bondage, or trying other slightly risque tricks. And as it turns out, this is especially true for guys who are 30 and over. “The older a man is, the more experience he's had,” notes Barbara Keesling, PhD, author of Men In Bed. “So, it takes more creativity to keep his
excitement level high.”
Fortunately, broadening your boundaries need not involve whips or chains (unless you're into that!). Any outside-the-box moves work to charge you both up, because novelty increases production of the brain's feel-good chemicals adrenaline and dopamine. These erotic ideas are just what you need.
1. Shock His Socks Off
“Turning your guy on to something unexpected boosts adrenaline,” says Keesling. “The element of surprise also causes a rapid heart rate and faster breathing, which intensify the pleasure of sex.”
Play “What Is It?” Massage yourself all over with some oil, and blindfold him. Then, touch your guy's penis or lips with different body parts (your pinkie, your nipple, your toe, your V- zone, and so on). “He has to guess what he's being touched with,” says sex expert Pam Spurr, PhD, author of 365 Erotic Secrets For Sensational Sex. “The oil makes it more difficult to sense the body part and creates unique sensations.”
When he's close to climax during girl-on-top sex and you're arched over him with your breasts in his face, suddenly lean back and widen your legs. Not only will his penis feel a different sensation, but the visual shock of seeing your hottest body part up close and personal will totally thrill him.
While going down on him, move a little farther south and gently wrap your lips around his testicles, then start to hum. The feeling of vibration is a new and pleasurable treat.
2. Be A Little Kinky
You can raise the bad-girl bar without flying your freak flag. “Anything that's somewhat taboo (pretending you're strangers, for example) makes a guy feel like he's being naughty, which is very exciting,” says Kerner.
During girl-on-top sex, use a tie or scarf to bind his hands over his head, rendering him (happily) helpless. “When a woman takes over in bed, the guy feels an incredible release of pressure,” says Keesling. “There's no performance anxiety. He can just lie back and enjoy the ride, and you can set the pace and depth to your liking.”
Tell him to get naked and sit on his hands for 60 seconds. Then, straddle his lap, and slide your V-zone against the head of his penis. This will get him so aroused, he'll be dying to touch you…but he's not allowed. The feeling of being in charge will turn you on and make him feel like he's going to burst (in a good way).
Add a jolt of excitement to your repertoire by engaging in a little role-playing. Pretend to be a masseuse. Have him lie face down on the bed naked, with just a sheet covering him from the waist down. Undress in another room, knock on the bedroom door, and introduce yourself as his masseuse. Use oil to give him a titillating back and butt massage. After about five minutes, ask him to turn over, and continue the massage on his front. When you get to his package, take it in your hand, and provide the release of a happy ending...or straddle him for some mutually satisfying sex.
3. Explore Tempting New Territory
Once you and your guy figure out the best—and fastest—ways to get each other off, you tend to rely on those tried-and-true moves. But by always hitting his go-to spots, you could be missing some important untapped terrain. “Exploring new erogenous zones reawakens excitement,” says Keesling.
While giving him oral sex, use your index finger to draw gentle circles around his anus once he's fully aroused. He'll likely be a little worried about how aggressive you're going to get, but the anticipation will definitely make his toes curl. Now, once you sense that he's liking it, gently insert your finger and massage his prostate, the bulbous, highly-sensitive tissue near the rectal lining.
Fingers are sooo sensitive yet often overlooked, making them highly receptive to pleasure. While rubbing his penis, put his pinkie finger in your mouth and suck, moving up and down at the same pace as your hand is on his shaft. Do the same for each finger. As these two sensations are synched up, he'll imagine your mouth is on his penis. Once you're done with his digits, go down and make his fantasy come true.
The backs of his knees are a hot bed of nerve endings, so kissing and licking him there will turn him on. Have him lie on his stomach, kiss the back of his neck, and slowly work your way down to his knees. Lick the whole area of one knee, then do the same to his other side. You'll drive him insane if you periodically work your tongue up his inner thigh and back down again.
4. Get Kinda Rough
“Being a little rough releases endorphins,” says Keesling. But, take it slow. “You need to know how sensitive your partner is,” warns Kerner. “Experiment by gradually touching him harder and harder until you know how much he can take.”
Once you're in a hot-and-heavy make-out session, tug his hair with one hand so you're pulling his head back a bit. Or, give him a light bite on his lower lip. He'll also be turned on by being forced to take such a submissive position.
During missionary-style sex, grab on to his buttocks, and give him a light swat. When a guy is turned on, the surprise sting of getting slapped sends a bolt of pleasurable adrenaline through his system.
Start giving him oral sex. Once he's rock hard, very gently rub your teeth up and down his shaft for a minute or so. Then, turn him on with your tongue again, and alternate between the two types of stimulation. Not knowing when you are going to switch it up will make him feel vulnerable, and the potential of discomfort will put him on edge. “Anxiety can be exciting,” says Patti Taylor, PhD, founder of expandedlovemaking.com. “It causes the same physiological responses as arousal does.”
5. Engage In Public Displays Of Eroticism
Having sex where you might get busted can be exhilarating. It's not that you actually want to get caught with your pants down, but the thrill is in the potential of discovery. “Having sex in a forbidden place taps into innate fantasies of exhibitionism and voyeurism,” explains Kerner. Even just taking the bed out of the equation will work. “It forces you to find novel ways to experience sex,” says Taylor.
If you have a private garden (read: no nosy neighbors), take advantage of the warm weather and have some wet-and-wild fun. Both of you should strip down and head out back. Using the garden hose, take turns spraying each other's bods, paying special attention to the genital areas. Then get closer, and have him use the flow of water—varying the pressure—almost as if he were using a multi-speed vibrator on you.
During dinner with friends, fondle him under the table. He'll have to work hard to control himself and not respond to your touches, so no one knows what's going on.
Rev up his energy with a quickie in the car. Clue him in to your naughty desires by gently rubbing the inside of his upper thigh while he's driving. As his excitement escalates, begin caressing him through his pants. When he starts having trouble concentrating on the road, tell him to pull over, find a deserted spot, and park the car. Push the driver's seat as far back as it will go, position yourself on his lap facing away from him, and have sex in the reverse-cowgirl pose.