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Great, Now People Are Contouring Their Vaginas

Why, vagina gods? Why?

Women are now contouring their vaginas and the practice even has a snazzy (yet cringe-worthy) name of VontouringHer reports.

The treatment, more officially called Intima Protege, is a non-invasive, non-surgical labioplasty designed to "correct the external look of vagina" by using an ultrasound to stimulate collagen production via the application of "intensive heating" applied to the vaginal opening." Plastic surgeons say this creepy-sounding vagina oven of sorts will increase the flexibility of the labia majora and minora and lead to "significant and long-lasting improvement of sexual satisfaction."

So essentially it's a less invasive form of vagina rejuvenation that will make your labia as flexible as a gymnast for reasons unknown, via the process of basically putting your vagina in front of a fake fire, which sounds terrifying to me on approximately 45 levels. 

While I will always champion women to choose what is right for them (and if Vontouring sounds like something that you want, hell yes go get it!), I always hate the words used to talk about procedures like this. "Correct the external look of the vagina?" Uh, OK, but my vagina does not need concealer. It does not need bronzer and a white powder designed to reflect light. My vagina does not need Kim K's hair and makeup team to make it look cuter and give my genital hair a cute blowout before the Grammys. Also, probably sounds obvious, but keep my vagina away from "intensive heating" at all costs!!!

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Seriously, what the hell is this procedure? Plastic surgeons aren't constantly coming up with new ways for men to "correct the external look" of their penises by throwing them into a penis oven that will mold their junk into marble sculptures. 

I will say though now I kind of want to find a way to put fake eyelashes on my vag. Just sounds like a fun surprise. 

This article originally appeared on Minor edits have been made by the editors.