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14 Crazy Things Disney Princesses Ignored In The Name Of Love

You're half-fish and live in the ocean; he's got two legs and lives on land. Do you really want to mess with that kind of LDR, Ariel?

1. Being a beast. I get that it's important to see beyond a person's physical appearance. I'm all for it. But a giant, literal beast that climbs up on top of his castle and roars during thunderstorms...I'm just saying no one would've blamed Belle if she was like, "I can't deal."

2. He ghosted for 10 years but then acted all about you when you ran into him while looking for food. Seriously, Nala, he just left and then wants to act like things are fine again? It's like that ex who wants to get back together at the 10-year reunion. Yeah, his dad died and he was in mourning, but he really shirked his responsibility when he gave up the whole "King of Pride Rock" thing.

3. He lied about his family history and where he got his magic carpet from. I get it. Guys with magic carpets are totally badass and dangerous, and they look all hot when they ride around Agrabah without a helmet. But when a guy is all, "Yeah, I'm totally super rich," just to impress you, that says a lot about himself, but also what he thinks of you.

4. You literally just met. I'm looking at you, Anna. You basically got 14th-century catfished by Hans.

5. You're half-fish and he isn't. Living in the ocean while your man insists on dwelling on land is the ultimate LDR. Do you really want to mess with that, Ariel?

6. He thought you were a man, but you're really a woman. This raises all sorts of questions, especially when he gets upset even though you saved him from an avalanche. I feel like Mulan should've gotten a pass for the whole "pretending to be a man" thing since she saved Li Shang's life.

               

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7. He lives in a bell tower. Listen, a lot of people live with their parents. Not a lot of people live in a bell tower. Staying the night there can't be pleasant, and you're probably going to lose anything you bring over and don't tie down when it's windy. I get that the Hunchback of Notre Dame had it kind of hard, but that doesn't change the fact that he was also squatting in a giant, open-air noisemaker.

8. He controlled what part of the house you could go in and also wouldn't let you leave because he didn't trust you. "No, baby. I don't keep a bunch of weird sex dolls and boxes full of letters from my exes in that room. I swear, it's just my room where I keep a magical rose that counts down the years until I am trapped as a beast forever. You believe me, don't you, babe?"

9. He didn't recognize you even after you saved him from drowning in a shipwreck. Yeah, he might be coming back from the brink of death, but that's no reason he should mistake a fiery redhead for a goth chick. If he's willing to shack up with the first person who sounds like she can sing, he might not be worth going after. And he definitely isn't worth doing a bunch of magic junk and basically forsaking ever visiting your family, Ariel.


10. He was part of a group of people who committed genocide against your entire race and then stole your country. Let's be honest, John Smith didn't have much going for him except that he was a military man. But the whole "men in uniform" thing shouldn't work in his favor when he's systematically eradicating an entire people. Mother Willow should've dropped some realness on Pocahontas.

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11. He was totally fine with making out with you when you were in a coma. This is weird no matter how handsome or princely he is. You were just comatose and he copped a cheap feel, Aurora.

12. He has a fixation on youth culture and lives with a bunch of eternally prepubescent boys. This is basically the Disney version of a guy who sits around all day and refuses to get a job. Instead of fighting pirates though, he just covers his sweatpants in potato chip grease. Peter Pan is basically a manchild.

13. He stole things from you on your first date. OK, so maybe he didn't know who you were when he was snooping around and grabbing stuff, but that should still tell you a lot about his character, Rapunzel.

14. He is way too clingy. Trying to hit you up on Facebook after meeting you is one thing. But trying to search an entire kingdom based solely on your shoe size? I have a feeling that after the credits rolled, Prince Charming threw a fit whenever Cinderella left.

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.