1. Your favorite thing to do on a weekend is to watch Cinema One. One time your best friend texted you, "Hey, whatchoodoin today? Wanna hang?" You replied, "Ay sorry, I made plans na eh." But you don't really have plans. You just want to watch One More Chance one more time.
2. The Buzz and Startalk were your favorite chismis shows growing up. But you never told anyone that. Of course you didn't know that The Buzz aired every Sunday on ABS-CBN at 4 p.m. So you weren't THAT crushed when it was cancelled. After 16 years.
3. And because you watched The Buzz religiously (also for 16 years), you know that Tito Boy Abunda (yup, close kayo) asks the best questions on live television. Your favorites include:
"Kung may gusto kang sabihin sa sarili mo 20 years from now, ano 'yun?"
"Nanonood ang papa mo sa States na matagal mo nang hindi nakikita, ano ang mensahe mo sa kanya?"
"Si [Insert name of Enemy Actress] ay nanonood ngayon; anong gusto mong sabihin sa kanya?"
"Are you in love? Yes or no?"
4. Speaking of Boy Abunda! You know that every Sunday on The Buzz, he greets a girl named Joan Boner. Walang fail 'yan. Parating may bati kay Joan Boner.
5. The first website you check every morning is not Facebook. It is PEP.ph.
6. You know what at least five of these stand for: DongYan, KathNiel, JaDine, LizQuen, KimXi, JulNigo, PauMaj, DenJen, JulCo, and AlDub. In fact, you can name all the hottest love teams right now!
7. Your favorite magazine is YES! Pero hindi mo siya binibili; binabasa mo siya sa salon. Your go-to hairstylist knows this, because the first thing he says when you get to the salon is "Ma'am, may bago kaming YES!" YES YES YES YES YES. GIVE IT TO ME. Seeing Coco Martin's new house is important and priority numero uno.
8. You know this song. You know this song by heart:
9. You text your boyfriend like this: "Dito na me," "luv u," "ok2x." He gets annoyed AF and replies, "SPELL THEM OUT." But you just don't give a fuck. You do it to annoy him.
10. You use "beh", "teh", "ate girl", "auntie", and "madam" in a sentence. Yep, that's how you talk to your officemates. "Teh, paabot naman ng stapler."
11. You actually line up for the Metro Manila Film Festival every Christmas. Curious ka lang! You're always the first person to give your friends a "deep analysis" of the Pinoy flicks you watch. For instance, "You guys, maganda yung English Only, Please. I mean, I really didn't think the whole Jennylyn Mercado and Derek Ramsay tandem would work, but they're so good together."
12. And because you are up to date with the latest "baduy" news, you are the first person to send your friends the links to the Cool And Hip And Happening And Trending Things on Facebook. Yep, the original pabebe girl is not Yaya Dub. It's actually this cutiepie who was, like, eating mamon in SM Dasma. Alam mo yung Galawang Breezy. Alam mo 'yung Budots Dance. Alam mo 'to lahat kasi jologs ka.
13. Heart Evangelista was your spirit animal growing up. You watched G-MIK and you were obsessed with Heart's character, Missy, because you could identify with her the most. Conyo siya eh. Arte pa niya. "OMG AKO YAN! AKO TALAGA YAN! AKO SI MISSY!"
14. You secretly love Kris Aquino. The girl has no filter. She has such an interesting life. You are super invested in Bimby and Josh and James Yap. Their lives are so complicated, but you like complicated.
15. You LIVE for celebrity weddings. You counted the days before Marian Rivera and Dingdong Dantes walked down the aisle. You wanted to be invited to Heart Evangelista and Chiz Escudero's Balesin wedding. Also, iniyakan mo ng bonggang-bongga yung same-day edit wedding videos ni Kim Jones and Jericho Rosales, Nikki Gil and BJ Albert, and Toni Gonzaga and Paul Soriano. You are a sappy human being, because the celebrities you follow have sappy, nakaka-kilig love stories.
16. You stalk celebrities on Instagram all the time, but you're too hiya to follow them. So you clear your search history every time you stalk, because it is all @jaye.wolf, @nadzlustre, @lizasoberano, and @iamhearte.
17. You stalk your favorite artistas, and read all the hate comments about them on Instagram. You won't comment to defend your favorite celebrity, of course, but you just compose your hate message for all the trolls in your head and pray that karma hits them like a bitch. "Totoo 'yung ilong ni Kathryn Bernardo, okay. Why do people keep saying she had her nose done?!" #StopTheHate
18. You know in your heart that you live and breathe Pinoy showbiz and you are secretly proud. Because there is nothing wrong with who you are, teh.