1. The ongoing turmoil that is deciding to wear your cutest shoes or ones you like less in case they get disgusting bar floor-water on them.
Because you don't want to wear your sassiest heels to a place where drunk hipsters could vomit on you.
2. Tights vs. non-tights.
Bare legs are just always cuter. It's #science.
3. Your low-cut shirt slipping down until your bra is showing and nobody telling you for like 3 hours.
The porny version of that thing where nobody tells you there's food in your teeth.
4. The thing where you had two kale chips for dinner and now that you are drunk you NEED pizza in a deep and profound way that men just can't understand.
Because they had pizza before they got drunk.
5. The eternal "feminism vs. using your cleavage to get the bartender's attention" debate.
You can tell from #6 where I fall on this one. I will actually show nipple in order to get a Stella at a crowded bar within the first 2 minutes.
6. Trying to escape the boner grind of a guy you don't want to dance with.
More often than not, this is the wrong boner, and the boner you wanted is across the dance floor chatting with some cute girl with bangs.
7. That beautifully-applied smokey eye you meticulously copied from a YouTube tutorial has now creased into one fat black smudge.
Well, at least for the first 15 minutes you looked like Alexa Chung, right?
8. Pee on the seat.
9. Having a girl come in with you to pee who you don't really like.
Yumm, forced intimacy.
10. When girls in front of you on the bathroom line pile into the bathroom like five at a time and you know they'll be in there like 15 minutes.
It's such a Plastics move, isn't it? Can't you see Regina George subtly forcing Gretchen and Karen to get into the bathroom with her and ignoring the annoyed looks of the people behind her?
11. Bathroom lines.
Just in general.
12. Squatting in heels to avoid the unhygienic toilet seat.
On the bright side, your thighs are getting toned, and you know you skipped working out this week.
13. Using the empty men's room while being 100 percent sure someone will bust in on you.
Because you told your friend to be the lookout, but your friend is drunk and distracted and totally not going to watch the bathroom door for your ass.
14. Being bored on the way to the party because you're not drunk yet but you can't fit a magazine in your tiny clutch.
WHAT IS THIS? A PURSE FOR ANTS?
15. Giving a gross dude your number by accident.
Being drunk and giving someone your number qualifies as an accident.
16. Saying "I loooveeeeeee yoooouuuuuuu" and making definitive calendar plans with someone you feel nothing about and have no desire to really befriend.
Woof. Good luck getting out of that one.
17. Your purse getting in the way when you're dancing and it's heavy but you're too scared to put it down.
Ditto with your scarf. Who wants to put nice things down in a crowded place with potential for thievery? Not I.
18. Knowing you'll never be able to go as hard as Rihanna.
We all just may as well give up now.
19. Your clutch is too small to hold jack shit, generally.
Including hand sanitizer, which you will undoubtedly need when you discover there's no toilet paper left in the girls' bathroom.
20. Not wanting creepers to buy you shots.
Or really anything that wasn't sealed before you opened it.
21. Having to ditch creepers after they bought you shots.
Okay, thanks for the top-shelf whiskey, now leave me alone please sir and thank you. :D
22. Heels that are painful enough to end the night barefoot, most likely on a tetanus-ridden street.
And/or convincing your boyfriend or guy friends to carry you home.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by Cosmo.ph editors.