Fictional Orlando Bloom vs. Justin Bieber

That punch should have landed, Orlando.

When news broke on July 30 that Orlando Bloom "almost" punched Justin Bieber at Cipriani restaurant in Ibiza, you guys were pretty consistent with your reactions: Orlando should have landed that punch.

Haven't seen TMZ's video footage of the brawl? Watch it here:

Quick back story: After the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in October 2012, Justin had a brief flirtation with model (and Orlando's ex-wife) Miranda Kerr, which reports say might have led to Orlando and Miranda's split in late 2013. The Pirates of The Caribbean actor and Victoria's Secret model have a three-year-old son, Flynn.

According to People.comJustin and his entourage walked past Orlando's table at Cipriani, but the actor supposedly refused to shake the pop star's hand. Since that didn't sit well with The Biebs, he allegedly made a remark about hooking up with Miranda, which provoked Orlando to take a swing.

We don't condone violence of any kind, but SERIOUSLY, JUSTIN?! If this fight happened in our dreams, you wouldn't stand a chance against fictional Orlando Bloom:

Scenario #1: Will Turner (Pirates Of The Caribbean) vs. Justin

Winner: Will, #DUH. Will Turner is a man of many talents. He can sail a boat across the ocean. He can fence. He looks good in a ponytail. He looks good in a uniform. He is dashing and beautiful and dreamy. Oh, and let's not forget: HE'S A PIRATE (and his BFF Jack Sparrow is a good person to call in case he needs back-up.)

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Scenario #2: Paris (Troy) vs. Justin

Winner: Paris, #DUH. You guys! Paris' arrow was responsible for piercing Achilles' heel in Troy. He basically just killed a demigod. Which makes Paris a god. Your argument is invalid.

Scenario #3: Legolas (Lord Of The Rings) vs. Justin

Winner: Legolas, #DUH. He's freakin' Legolas. He knows how to work a bow and arrow. He also knows how to use a sword. He will fight the Orcs and defend your honor—in perfect fishtail braids! Seriously, how many guys can say they can get through a sword fight (and win!) while still maintaining beautiful hair? NO ONE.


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