Confession: I've never watched Game of Thrones, and I don't feel like I'm missing out. I've got a fear of blood and I don't think Kit Harrington is hot. There. I said it.
But seeing as the whole world seems to lose their shit every Monday over it, I thought I may as well take the opportunity to ask all you Game of Thrones fangirls some outstanding questions I have for the show.
1. What was The Red Wedding and did it involve a mass amount of women having a period at the same time? Seeing as periods sync with the women around you and weddings usually involve a white dress, this sounds AWFUL for the bride.
2. Is Jon Snow dead or alive? The tension may not be killing me, but the amount of stupid fan theories taking over my Facebook newsfeed are.
3. OK so how do I spell Kahleesi and which hairdresser does she go to? Because her icy blonde hair is sweeeeeet, and I want a slice of that colour-pie please.
4. Why is everyone naked all the time and is it basically just a massive medieval porno? Is it even set in medieval times? Is this why it's so popular? IS THIS THE REASON MY BOYFRIEND WATCHES IT?
5. Seeing as every one seems to die (while naked), are any of the original cast even in it any more? I've only ever watched one episode and at least 7 main characters were killed.
6. What does "Winter Is Coming" mean? Because we're guessing it's got nothing to do with autumn...
7. Do people get put into their Game of Thrones houses by a Hogwarts-style sorting hat? Because we were waiting for Rupert Grint to make an appearance and he never quite did.
8. Right so what is the iron throne, who gets to sit on it, and why does it always cause so much shit? Because old Queen Liz doesn't seem to piss so many people off just by her choice of seat.
9. Isn't that 12 year old blonde boy that everyone hates on the throne or am I super far behind?
10. Seriously though, is Jon Snow alive? The Facebook theories thing is just getting a bit out of hand.
11. Who is Hodor and why is he holding a door open? Seeing as I don't know who Hodor is or which door we're talking about, the memes can stop now.
12. WHY IS IT SO FRICKIN' LONG? Not gonna lie: I've considered starting GoT at least 2 and a half times, and then I realised HOW. LONG. the episodes are and how many series behind I am. I also remembered I hate blood.
13. Is every episode always so dark? Dark as in CAN SOMEONE PUT SOME LIGHTS ON PLEASE? But equally in the content and killing and stuff.
14. Does GoT basically just equal Lord of the Rings with more dragons and incest? Because that's what I can tell so far. Or a budget version.
15. Is there elf sex? I feel like there's probably elf sex.
16. Is Maisie Williams blind or not? Because mixed messages are at an all time high rn.
17. What is it that makes Game of Thrones fans so full of fury, passion and rage to the extent where I was slightly scared to write this? Seriously.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.co.uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.