Emilia Clarke and Henry Golding's new movie, Last Christmas, is a somewhat delightful dumpster fire of plot points, George Michael songs, and holiday cheer. It follows the story of Kate (Clarke), an aspiring singer who's recovering from a serious heart surgery and romantically gallivanting around London with a guy named Tom (Golding).
It might sound charming, but the vast majority of the movie doesn't actually make any sense. More than 24 hours after seeing it, we still have so many questions, and we're going to ask them here, in no particular order.
Obviously, there are spoilers ahead for Last Christmas. It feels like common sense that if you haven't seen the movie, you shouldn't keep reading, but we'll clarify that here just in case. Spoilers! Ahead!
Why was the movie set in 2017?
The movie opens with with a bb Kate singing in a church in Yugoslavia in 1999. Then, it flashes forward to the year 2017. But...why 2017? There's no reason for the movie to be set two years ago. I mean, 2019 is cool, too!
Why George Michael?
Don't get me wrong. I love George Michael. Like, so much. But other than the fact that his song "Last Christmas" adds an extra level of "aha!" to the final twist, it feels so random to try to make this a George Michael movie. (Especially in a year where Yesterday and Blinded By the Light made full efforts at being movies about the Beatles and Bruce Springsteen, respectively.)
Kate's supposed to be totally obsessed with George Michael, but other than sticker on her suitcase and a poster in her childhood bedroom, the movie doesn't offer up any tangible connections to the artist or his body of work.
Are we supposed to believe Kate actually thought her boss's name was Santa?
Because...that's absurd. Besides Father Christmas himself, whose name is Santa?
Why hype Yuletide up as a year-round Christmas store if the movie takes place DURING CHRISTMAS?
Throughout Last Christmas, people marvel at the fact that Yuletide is a Christmas shop that's open year-round. But why make that point so many times if it's the holiday season, anyways? In what world would someone see a Christmas store during the holiday season and be like, "LOL, that's weird." It would have been funnier to have this movie set in July.
Speaking of...what even is the timeframe of this movie?
Weeks? Months? Years? WHO KNOWS?
Are you really tryna tell me Kate had sex with that guy on the crib mattress?
Not to say she shouldn't get dick, but that is really unsanitary for that future child.
Why did Kate not ask Tom a single question?
Surely, she could have sussed out the fact that he wasn't a real person by asking him like, a minimum of three personal questions.
Why was the phone thing not a bigger deal for Kate?
You know what is a great example of a personal question Kate could have asked Tom that might have determined if he was, in fact, a living human? "Why do you keep your cell phone in a kitchen cabinet?" If I went out with a guy who said he intentionally leaves his iPhone at home, I would run. That is some Ted-Bundy-level shit, right there. Major red flag.
Why does she wear the same gray tights in practically every single scene and Tom, a literal ghost, actually gets wardrobe changes?
The wardrobe department of Last Christmas unintentionally created a million plot holes. Do people wear tights that often? Like, the same pair of GRAY tights? Every day? Kate wheels a suitcase around everywhere she goes. Could she not fit at least one more pair of tights in there?
As for Tom...where do ghosts change their clothes? Do they have magical powers? To be fair, it's possible that Tom is a figment of Kate's imagination, and she's creative enough to change his clothes up every once in a while. It's also important to point out that Kate's bundled up in a cozy (presumably faux) fur coat for the whole movie, while Tom is chilling in a thin trench coat. There are so many things about this simply cannot be real.
Why did no one bother to cover up Emilia's dragon tattoos?
I'm not anti-tattoo, but these are very, very distinct, and they take you out of the moment while watching because you're like... "Drogon!" Khaleesi is not in this film!
Did anyone notice the makeup continuity errors?
There are at least two scenes where Kate starts off with messed up makeup and by the end of the scene her makeup is perfect. Plus, she's supposed to be this hot mess person and mostly doesn't look that way?
Why do Kate's neighbors have their house absolutely decked out with Christmas stuff, but her parents don't?
Like...how does that advance the story? Are we supposed to think Kate's parents are anti-Christmas? It's never addressed!
And HOW did they pull together enough money to make this concert as big as it was?
Like... the production value! What?!
Why is everyone so mean to the dad?
WHAT DID HE DO TO ANYONE? And why did Kate sit in the back seat when her dad was driving her home? You're family! Sit in the passenger seat!
Why was everyone so pissed at the mom?
Like... all she did was try to help her kids? And sing sad songs? Why did everyone hate her!?
What even WAS that ending?
Okay, it makes sense that Tom "gave" Kate his heart. But did they know each other before, or were all of their interactions simply hallucinations? It makes literally no sense.
And finally, did this movie have to exist?
That's up to you, but we vote no.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.