Straight from the WTF files comes this news: A London court has cleared a man of raping a teenager after he claimed he might have accidentally penetrated her after he fell on her.
It gets worse.
The court took just 30 minutes of deliberation to conclude that yes, that sounds legit.
So what exactly happened on that night that meant Eshan Abdulaziz, a 46-year-old Saudi millionaire, could trip and fall in such a way that his penis entered her vagina?
Well, the 18-year-old (whose name has not been released for legal reasons) was out partying in a nightclub in London’s West End with her 24-year-old friend, who knew Abdulaziz.
He invited the girls to join him at his $2,000 table, and then eventually offered them a lift in his Aston Martin. They went back to his place, where he made them vodka. He left the 18-year-old to sleep on the couch, while he took her friend into the bedroom for sex.
Now here’s where the stories divide.
The teenager said she woke up with Abdulaziz on top of her, forcing himself inside her, and DNA found in her vagina would support this.
However, Abdulaziz said he had gone to give her a t-shirt to sleep in or to call her a taxi, but she had tried to seduce him and he had accidentally fallen on her as she pulled him on top of her and put his hand between her legs.
And the DNA? Well, that had gotten there because he had semen on his hands after fooling around with her friend. And obviously his penis was poking out of his underwear at the time.
Prosecutor Jonathan Davies said during the trial: "You're 45 and you knew there was a young girl sleeping in your living room and it was okay for you to walk in there with your penis sticking out of the top of your pants? You've said that you may have walked into the living room with your penis sticking out of your pants."
Abdulaziz replied: "I didn't go in there to have a conversation, I just went in there to switch off the TV and have a glass of water. It's my place."
Then Prosecutor Davies said what we’re all thinking: "Did you not think to adjust yourself? You were standing in your pants by this young girl's face tapping her shoulder?"
It was also claimed that the 18-year-old had lied because she was embarrassed that Abdulaziz did not want to have sex with her.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com.au. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.