Apparently, this week on Riverdale, we’re finally going to learn what colleges accepted Betty, Jughead, Veronica, Archie, and Cheryl. If you just did a double-take, you’re not alone. The idea that anyone on Riverdale had actually applied to college is news to me. Literally when and how did they have time to do this? Please join me as I launch a full-scale investigation.
The recent episode description raises a ton of questions, actually: “Concerned that the stress may be getting to them, Mrs. Burble, the school's guidance counselor, meets with Betty, Archie, Veronica, Cheryl, and Jughead to discuss what's plaguing them.” First of all, I know what’s plaguing them: ALL THE MURDER! Seriously, so many people have died on Riverdale in under four years. Second of all, since when does Riverdale High have a guidance counselor and where has she been all this time? Third of all, why is she meeting with Jughead?! In the words of Mean Girls’ Damian, he doesn’t even go here! Jug transferred to Stonewall Prep, like, months ago. Keep up, Mrs. Burble.
While I tragically can’t answer those questions, I can try and figure out if it’s at all realistic for these kids to be getting their decision letters already.
JANUARY 2019: TAKE THE SATS IN YOUR JUNIOR YEAR
That happened, actually, in Riverdale Season 3, Episode 10. That episode aired in January, so presuming they took the SAT then they would have gotten their results about three and a half weeks later. Archie skipped out on the test because he had just been attacked by a bear. But that’s OK, because there are a few more opportunities to take the test. (Also, I’m not 100 percent sure Archie applied to college anyway because of his Riverdale Community Center work, but we’ll see.)
SPRING 2019: GET YOUR EXTRACURRICULARS IN ORDER
Most schools want you to have some accomplishments other than grades and SAT scores to show for in your application. So, a lot of Junior year should be spent racking up hours spent doing community service, playing sports, playing musical instruments, and stuff like that. What are the Riverdale characters going to put on their applications? Drug busts, gang warfare, night clubs, and cult musicals? Good luck to them.
SUMMER 2019: WORK ON APPLICATION
The recommended amount of time needed to complete a college application is four months. So, by August all of the Riverdale teens should have chosen which schools they want to apply to and gotten started. Fred Andrews was killed in July, and a few months later Archie devoted himself to the Community Center. Meanwhile, Betty was working with her brother and mother to take down a cult. Veronica was dealing with a revolving door of her parents’ arrests. Could they have been working on applications at the same time? Teenagers are actually pretty good multitaskers, and at least nobody on Riverdale seems all that distracted by the internet and social media. It’s not impossible.
OCTOBER 2019: GET LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION IN ORDER
Now, we didn’t see this on the show but that’s when most students should be asking teachers/administrators/community leaders for letters of recommendation in order. Veronica Lodge probably had some celebrities do hers, but how do you think the rest of these students managed to pull that off? Do any adults trust them anymore? The principal hates them. Jughead’s favorite teacher at his new school killed himself. Archie’s favorite teacher was murdered by Betty’s dad. Cheryl and Toni, meanwhile, have barely left the house in Season 4.
You also should request copies of your transcripts at this time and fill out the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) application for financial aid. We didn’t see any of that on Riverdale, as Betty was pretty taking down the Farm once and for all, Jughead was getting hazed at Stonewall Prep, Veronica was besting a serial killer who popped into Pop’s Diner, and Archie was doing a vigilante thing.
NOVEMBER 2019: EARLY APPLICATION DEADLINES
The fact that Archie, Betty, Veronica, and Jughead are getting their results just after Thanksgiving means that they all must have applied Early Decision or Early Action. Schools that don’t offer early deadlines won’t even require you to submit your application before January 1 of your Senior year. Most schools with this option, including all of the Ivy League schools via the Common Application, need your materials in on November 1.
DECEMBER 2019: RESULTS ARE IN
I feel like I was working on college applications forever, but when you go to look up the actual timeline it’s really not that time-consuming and December is about the right time of year for early acceptances to come rolling in. Weirdly, everyone on Riverdale could have done this on the down-low.
However, and if Archie or Mad Dog or Reggie were to get accepted to college on a football or wrestling scholarship, they probably would have been recruited by this time. But, then again, Betty and Kevin were recruited by Charles to the FBI’s Junior Agent Training program without really having to do anything. Oh Riverdale, you are just 2Good + 2Be = 4Gotten!
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.